Tried-123 wrote on 17 Oct 2010 15:43:

OK. So if there is a lady in a recovery meeting I walk into, then I sit next to some guys instead. If I am there already and she comes in and sits next to me, then I do not hold her hand at the end of the meeting in the circle-thingy. Instead, I turn to her right at the end of the meeting before the serenity prayer, ask her what her name is (if I do not know it) and say to her, "(Christine/Shprintza-hentcha/Malwat/whatever your name is), it is not good for me to hold a woman's hands, sorry. I hope you do not mind, thanks." Then I stand in the circle like everyone else but hold my hands together like during davening and presto! Five seconds later the ordeal is over! And no one 'gives a flying pruta'!

Now, there may be heteirim for holding her hand, I do not know. But I really believe it will not be good for me, so I can honestly say that to her, and I do. If the sole reason you are not holding her hand is because it is ossur, then I ask you why you are subject to looking at schmutz in the first place? Obviously it is wrong to look at schmutz, but it is not necessarily a primary motivator for you or else you wouldn't do it - so I figure I cannot honestly hide behind the Torah here. So I don't.

Perhaps some folks will throw a pie in my face for even thinking this way. Well, I hope it is chocolate. Mmmmm....

As far as the church issue, ask your Rov. If he tries to convince you that as it is not truly pikuach nefesh you do not need to go and should "just please try to go to meetings that are not in churches, OK?" then I humbly suggest you find another Rov for these shaylos. Maybe one who has had a few affairs with 'computer women' (or with real ones), himself....oops....I shouldn't have written that.  :

- anonymous  

PS. There are like 3 women in my entire city who go to SA meetings regularly. Which lust recovery fellowship is this that has lots of women? I'd like to know....just kidding, really!! Ha-ha......he-he...hmmmm-hmmm.....never mind....pretend I never asked. :-*