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The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :)

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Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

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TOPIC: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 349201 Views

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 23 Dec 2015 02:03 #272115

Markz
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cordnoy wrote:

markz wrote:

With Gd by my side I pray for the redemption of many lost threads whence they shall be restored and resurrected rightfully to the magnanimous glorious 'just having fun' tapestry of creation

Amen!

Cordnoy
What in the world?????
Why are you on this thread????

This is solely for depressed people like myself, as I shared my depressing life in my story yesterday

But, I won't click your post "report to the moderator", cos then you may takke become eligible...

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 04:09 #272223

Markz
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yesod wrote:

I got pretty ticked at the shvig and let her know. Not with anger, but i calmly sent some biting msgs to share my feelings on what was rightfully a messed up scenario that she was enabling

zemiros_shabbos wrote:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Xmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

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Last Edit: 24 Dec 2015 04:11 by Markz.

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 05:19 #272227

Yesod OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 79	I'm all down for some shvigger humor, if my browser on my phone was unlocked I'd unload whatever pearls of light i could procure to that effect....

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 13:15 #272236

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Why take the risk of unlocking your phone? Just ask your shvigger to google "gift ideas for your mother in law" and that's how the fight started
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 17:18 #272264

Markz
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zemiros shabbos wrote:

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started....
***********************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.....

***********************************************************************

My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

Zemiros Shabbos hasn't been since

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 18:10 #272275

Yesod OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 79	Thanks Mark great advice, do you have a spare cardboard box by the way I'm in the backyard

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Dec 2015 21:54 #272303

ZemirosShabbos
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Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone
and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long,
on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him!"
Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?
The man said, "I don't know.
My wife told me to stand here."

Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 25 Dec 2015 01:15 #272323

Yesod
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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my MIL." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

I was out shopping the other day after a conference, when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".

Q: What do you do if you miss your MIL??

A: RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."

I bought my MIL a chair for Christmas, but she wouldn't plug it in.

I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 25 Dec 2015 01:45 #272325

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	You ever listen to Rabbi Mizrachi on Torahanytime? He tells about a guy who sees his MIL fell through he ice floundering in the water. So he pulls out a siddur and starts davening Mincha His friend says to him - Are you crazy - Why are you doing that? He says "Because the Code of Jewish law says מצוה להתפלל עם שקיעת החמה
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 25 Dec 2015 04:21 #272334

Markz
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It's the yahrtzeit of Herman Mendelbaum's death and his widowdecides to make a pilgrimage to the cemetery to recite a prayer over his graveand place a small stone, as is the tradition, to show that the deceased isremembered.
She arrives at the cemetery, but it being a while since she had been there, sheis confused and cannot find poor Herman's grave site. Finally, she comes acrossa grounds-keeper who escorts her to a small chapel on the cemetery groundswhere the records are kept. Pouring over large maps and lists, he finally turnsto the widow and says,
"I can find no record of a Herman Mendelbaum buried here. Theclosest I can find is a Sadie Mendelbaum."
"That's him!" she exclaims. "He always puteverything in my name."

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Dec 2015 23:33 #272411

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At the conclusion of the physical exam the doctor summoned hispatient into his office with a grave look on his face. "I hate to be theone to break it to you, Fred," he said, "but I'm afraid you have only six months to live."
"Oh, my gosh," gasped Fred, turning white.
When the news had sunk in, he said, "Listen, Doc, you've known me a longtime.
Do you have any suggestions as to how I could make the most of my remaining months?"
"Have you ever married?" asked the doctor.
Fred explained that he'd been a bachelor all his life.
"You might think about taking a wife," the doctorproposed. "After all, you'll need someone to look after you during the final illness."
"That's a good point, Doc," mused Fred.
"And with only six months to live I'd better make the most of mytime."
"May I make one more suggestion?" asked the doctor. When Fred nodded, he said, "Marry a Jewish girl."
"A Jewish girl, how come?"
"It'll seem longer."

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 27 Dec 2015 06:32 #272439

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck". At the next Friday night service, the rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 28 Dec 2015 01:22 #272494

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Yesod wrote: I'm all down for some shvigger humor, if my browser on my phone was unlocked I'd unload whatever pearls of light i could procure to that effect.... I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 29 Dec 2015 01:52 #272639

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From a survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations

here are some of the stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
"... said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent."
"...asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
"Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."
"... wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police."
"Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 29 Dec 2015 03:55 #272643

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428
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