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The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :)
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Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

TOPIC: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 245504 Views

Re: The chilled Yids Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 05:11 #330187

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there was a guy who always arrived by his desk 20 minutes before his job started always trying to please his boss.

one day on the way to work he got hit by a truck and got dragged 20 feet,but Bh he was not seriously hurt.
he ran to work  his clothing torn,his face bleeding,and limping on his right foot.when he arrived an hour late ,he was greeted by his bosses scowling face,said the boss as he noticed his workers ripped clothing, bloody face and limping foot,"What happened to you?why are you  late this morning?

the poor guy said i was hit by a truck and dragged 20 feet.

the boss turned away in disgust and said ,"that took an hour?

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The chilled Yids Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 05:22 #330189

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its really easy to identify people who cant cant to ten,.theyre the people in front of you in the supermarket  express lane marked" 10 items or less"

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The chilled Yids Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 05:34 #330191

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yankel was crossing the street  when he was  struck down by a bus,pretending to be seriously injured, he sued the bus company for a million dollars,claiming he was paralyzed and couldnt  ever walk again.

The case went to court ,and he won! "we`re rich" screamed  yankel to his wife.

said his wife' but what good is the money,the insurance company thinks that  youre faking, the judge thinks that youre faking,they are going to keep a sharp eye on you, and if you take a single step, they will put you in jail for perjury and fraud?"

yankel said to his wife,after we leave court i want you to order an ambulance and we will go straight to the airport i`ll get on the airplane with a wheelchair  headed to Israel, when we get to israel  youll hire another ambulance to take me to the Kosel,  and then ,boy! are you gonna see a miracle!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The chilled Yids Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 05:42 #330193

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last week i dialed  a number expecting to get my friend,all of a sudden  a womans voice aswered the phone,

excuse me ,can i speak to fred?

"im sorry" said the woman ,"there is no fred here,you must have the wrong number"

i said, wow, are you sure there is no fred there?

there was a pause on the phone, then the voice answered ,"listen have i ever lied to you before?"

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 10:59 #330200

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lionking wrote on 24 Apr 2018 04:30:

Markz wrote on 24 Apr 2018 04:13:
Title corrected


You could have used "[ size=0][ color=#FFFFFF]Title corrected. [/color ][/size ]" See below:

Title corrected. 


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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 11:17 #330201

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Jews can't play chess: 
The LUBAVITCHERS say the king lives forever.
The VISHNITZERS have 2 kings. 
The GERERS wont let the king stand next to the queen.
The YERUSHALMIS wont let the soldiers (pawns) into their area.
Those from MEAH SHEARIM wont move out of their area.
MODERNERS dont want black and white.
The SEFARDIM want black to start,
and the BRESLOVERS say everyone jumps, not only the horse!!

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 13:53 #330206

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A communist was argueing with an american, the american said, "you communists are all fake!)
"Oh yeah?"snarled the commie

"Well let me ask you a question,if you had a thousand dollars would you give me half?"

"Sure!"exclaimed the commie,

"And if you had two cars ,would you give me one?"the american asked,

"Of course!"responded the commie,

"And if you had two shirts , would you give me one?"asked the american,

"Nyet"! snapped the commie,

"Why not?"asked the american,

"Because I actually have two shirts"blushed the commie.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 14:07 #330207

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A man and his wife entered a dentists office."Please ,I want to have a tooth pulled,"exclaimed the woman."And i dont want novocain or laughing gas."

"Well, you sure are brave.Which tooth is it Mrs.?"

"Irving,"  exclaimed the woman,"Quick ,show the dentist your tooth."

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 24 Apr 2018 14:12 #330208

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A wealthy man walked into a doctors office.The Dr. kept looking at him  and after a while,the man asked,"What is it Dr.?Why are you looking at me that way?"


The Dr. said,"I`m just trying to figure out what disease you can afford."

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 04:13 #330316

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Two guys were in the emergency room,both of them were suffering froma bruised ankle. A young intern entered the room,walked over to the first guy and examined his injury.Then the intern grabbed the hurt ankle and with an impressive air .turned the ankle this way and then that way,with every twist and turn,the poor patient screamed with pain.

Then the intern turned to the second patient  and  did the same pulling and twisting,but the second guy didnt utter a sound.

After the intern left, the first patient turned to the second patient and said,"wow, i admire you,how were you able to be quiet with all that pain?"

Answered his friend ,"the truth is, i cant stand pain,so i just used a little common sense."

"What do you mean by common sense?

The second guy smiled and said,"do you think i was crazy enough to show him the right ankle?!

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 04:28 #330318

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Sadie was just being wheeled out of the operating room and back to her room.Once she was settled in bed she sighed, "Thank G-d thats over!"

"Dont be too sure."the patient in the next bed said."They operated on me last week  and then had to open me up again because they left a sponge inside."

The patient in the next bed sighed ,"And  Sadie, let me tell you...when they operated on me two weeks ago,they had to open me up  again because the Dr. left  one of the instruments inside."

Just then  sadies Dr. stuck his head into the room and called out ,"Excuse me ladies, has anyone seen my hat?"

Sadie fainted.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 04:50 #330319

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One cannibal said to the other,"You know something, I really dont like my mechanic."
The other answered ,"So, just eat the vegetables".

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 04:58 #330321

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Joe asked Yankel,Yankel, I havent seen you in three weeks. Whats new with you?"

"Well," replied  Yankel ,"Three weeks ago my favorite aunt died. She was a sweet,lovable,generous person and she left me $25,000.

Last week,wold you believe it,my favorite uncle passed away- a warm,smiling prince of a man.I shall truly miss him.He also left me money-$50,000.

This week ,however,nothing!"

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 05:02 #330323

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The dwarfs were doing their work around the shop, when all of a sudden someone gave out a shout ,"Hey ,Lazy is missing!.

All eyes turned to Hungry.

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 26 Apr 2018 05:07 #330324

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Sadie woke up her husband in the middle of the night.

"Irving,wake up quick,I think there`s a mouse in the room-i can hear it squeaking!'

Irving ,being awoken from a sound sleep,snapped "Nu,so what do you want me to do?Oil it?"

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

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