It's interesting that many of of us here feel like we are going to judged for all of our "misbehaving". What interesting is in the davening we do all for forgiveness, but we don't ask for blessing and forgiveness because of our good deeds, we ask "lmaancha" for your sake. Not because we have been so good.

For most of my life, I felt like Rosh hahahaha/y"k revolved around my porn and masturbation. What a warped view.

We need to realize hashem is very smart, and he knows exactly who we are, and he's very advertising. Just remember, he is not just malkenu, he's also avinu. 

Anyways I'm just trying to talk to myself here.

1400 days BH. 

Lots to say and iyh when there is time, I will try to put it all into words. However meanwhile my message is - please do the same. I was in very bad shape. If Hashem allowed me to escape this mess, you can b'ezras Hashem do it too. Make the decision that you are willing to do anything and everything to get better. Feel free to reach out for help. I am driven to help others be spared the torment i suffered. Iyh to be continued......

Mazel Tov!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 15 Oct 2020 00:27:

Mazal tov! Congratulations! Watching your count grow every day is truthfully a tremendous inspiration and encouragement. 

Maybe in another few years your count will be almost as big as your warmth, care and most of all - your heart.

Thank you for all your words of love, encouragement and constructive criticism. 

May Hashem bless your with continued success in all your endeavers.

                                    Grant 

Mazal Tov! What an accomplishment!

You should just know that your work here is tremendous! What you put into GYE and the chevra, your time and effort, is an even greater accomplishment, may we be zoche to have you here with us to help us, support us and hold our hands for many more years so that one day we can all join you in the ranks.

Thank you for everything, without you so many would still be rolling in the dirt.

Wilnevergiveup

Hi everyone,
If you understand Yiddish there is a "must listen to" recording from Rav Asher Arielli shlita about corona where he discusses protecting ourselves from outside influences. Keep in mind he has never in all these years commented publicly on anything and is beloved by thousands of talmidim from varying backgrounds. Please listen and post your reactions here.  If you do not understand Yiddish, maybe listen with someone who does - the passion is awe inspiring. Whether one accepts his advice or not, it is not possible to listen and be unaffected.  Call 732-400-9003. then dial 12, followed by 1, followed by 5.

I have found Rav Elimelech Biderman shlita's weekly parsha kuntrus to be full of chizuk. This week (VaYishlach) has very uplifting chizuk for all of us dealing with challenges. His positive perspective is built on divrei Chazal and is a must read. It is sent out for free each week in various languages. Below is the link offered on the weekly email for anyone who wishes to "subscribe" (for free). Enjoy and be uplifted.If you know anyone who's interested to receive the weekly issue, please give him the following email address: Mail@torahwellsprings.comFull name, Message: "I would like to subscribe" 

One of the greatest things GYE has revolutionized is putting guys in touch with each other. The chizuk, advice, and simple knowledge that there are others involved in this struggle, are all major game changers.

An 18 year old bochur who BH is clean for a long time is available to help others realize they can break free b'ezras Hashem. If anyone wants to reach out to him, his email is EvedHashem1836@gmail.com

He requests that we not get too graphic while discussing our own challenges.....

There are other long term clean bochurim (and marrieds) wiling to help also.....

Hi. It has been a long time since i posted on my own thread, but i received an email from TAG that i think should be publicized, and i am not sure where else to put it. See below:

Clarification
   In recent weeks there have been various advertisements published in local circulars as well as via email blast lists marketing a smartphone which is being promoted as kosher and fully in line with proper hashkafic values.

   Being that those ads featured the TAG logo and promote the product as recommended by TAG, we have a responsibility to clarify our position on that and similar devices.

   While TAG employs the top filters on the market, it is generally correct that a presecured device is a better option than TAGing a regular device. However, any smartphone, including a presecured smartphone, is not ideal and is always a second choice compared to a flip phone.

   TAG follows and promotes the daas Torah of the entire spectrum of Gedolei Yisroel that smartphones should be considered with utmost caution and seriousness only when needed for business purposes. Smartphones should never be purchased for general convenience.

   The TAG Team

Hashem Help Me wrote on 07 Dec 2021 12:06:

Thank you for this! When I saw the ad I was thinking that this is another ploy that the yetzer is pulling against us. 

I'll quote part of the message in bold ...

"any smartphone, including a presecured smartphone, is not ideal and is always a second choice compared to a flip phone.
smartphones should be considered with utmost caution and seriousness only when needed for business purposes. Smartphones should never be purchased for general convenience."

Hi. I received an email and responded to it. Please feel free to comment with any additional advice that i can forward to this chaver. Of course also feel free to disagree with my response...

His question:   How do I deal with wanting to watch porn when I'm not married because it's natural to feel the need to want to have sex and I cant have it prior to getting married so what am I supposed to do.?My response:    Porn is not the sex of marriage. That is why it never satisfies, and leaves one feeling dejected.  Example - It is natural to want to have a warm hug after a long challenging day; would you say hugging a doll would help? It has to be real. Of course not.   Same with sex. The natural drive for sex that we are wired with is not focused on ejaculation - if it was, we would be satisfied when masturbating - and even secular studies that surveyed the general public find that the typical American male feels a form of depression after masturbation and after having sex with their spouse in a pornographic (selfish) fashion. The natural drive for sex is harnessing an intense investment of physical and emotional energy and directing it into a giving connection. It will never be satisfied by watching strangers act out sexuallly, and masturbating to that, or having sex with a stranger, or even with one's wife - if done in an exclusively self pleasing manner. The guys that manipulate their wives to participate in actions/positions that the wife really does not want to do, all wonder why they feel so low post ejaculation...  You may find what i am going to say now as weird, but it is true. A real replacement for marital sex is to get involved in a chessed organization. Channel that drive for passionate giving and connection, use all that latent energy - both physical and emotional, take that hyper focused concentration (used while viewing or masturbating) and do something really special for someone else. You will feel like a million dollars - which is what one feels like after having real sex, the right way.Please also realize that if you watch pornography now, you will chas v'shalom poison your brain. Besides chalila causing shalom bayis issues, the irony is, you will not be able to enjoy the incredible real pleasure of sex, which is completely different and exponentially greater than anything pornographic style sex can ever offer.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 Dec 2021 12:20:

i think it's great advice; the parts that i somewhat disagree with are "struck-thru" above. and again, like usual, if one is an addict (if there is such a thing), telling him to get involved in chesed is simply a mode of distraction. keep up the good work r' fellow.

I recently came to the epiphany, that if my wife did follow my exact instructions to act out what the people on the screen do, I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it, because I will always be analyzing is this exactly what I want and how I want and the looks that I want.

In other words, what I realized is porn and masturbation are the ultimate escape from reality, and it's not that if it was acted out in reality I would enjoy itit.

That being said, durimg the act porn and masturbation are very pleasurable, which is why its so hard to stay away from. But I shiuldnt kid myself that if only these scenes would happen in real life I would be happy and wouldn't want the porn and masturbation.

And the few times I got my wife to do these fantasies, I was not satisfied at all.

Hakolhevel wrote on 17 Dec 2021 14:13:

if, however, she would do it w/o instructing her, you'd definitely enjoy it!

Trouble wrote on 17 Dec 2021 14:15:

Yes, I would enjoy it as it would be her natrual expression of love and not a forced one. Plus, assuming I would be in a place where I would NOT expecting a certain type of performance.

If I have any expectations, there will certainly be faults in the performance. Heck even in performances on the screen, I'm used to skippimg the parts I don't care for, how do you do that with a live person? I'd need to have a remote control.on them for it to live up to my "fantasy" which is keshmo ken hu. A fantasy. And it can and never will be FULLY a reality.

It can be different, or similar and very fullfilg, but I would need to give up the fantasy mindset first, which is totally focused on exactly what I want.

If i had expectations of a orefor