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Growing from a child to an adult
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
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TOPIC: Growing from a child to an adult 1547 Views

Growing from a child to an adult 27 Jun 2014 12:10 #234233

  • charlie1
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What is amazing is how my actions and life had been so hipocritical - I preached and preached and was convinced that I knew the truth. now after 43 days in recovery - I am hearing the same torah I preached!! but NOW I hear it. One was the growth from child to adult from selfish to selfless and reactive to proactive and looking out to looking in - I had hear, learnt and thought internatised all these messages. But now they am "becoming part of me"

I recently attended a mitzva oinah shiur by Rabbi Yitzhak Silver - finally I am understanding the Mehalach of what it means to be a man in the relationship. I was so dependant - I would sulk around the house - yearning for my wife to give me pleasure, hoping praying begging that she would be more sexually exciting, I was like a druggy hanging around adrug pusher. And all she wanted was a man to "look up to" and supprot her - how could I support that which "I" was dependant on.???

Now I reasile "I am the man" בנין דכרין
I DO NOT NEED SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED SEX!!!!!!
- This is such a liberating mantra -
I CAN CHOOSE SEX!!!!
I CAN CHOOSE SEX!!!!!

I am now sensitive to my wife. He anger and sadness draws me towards instead of pushing me away..


Thank you GYE and thank you HASHEM

Charlie1

Re: Growing from a child to an adult 27 Jun 2014 17:21 #234248

  • unanumun
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mazel tov on growing up and becoming bar mitzvah.
may you keep growing further

Re: Growing from a child to an adult 27 Jun 2014 18:03 #234253

  • shomer bro
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For those of us single out here, I think your mantra can be changed to "I don't need to mb"

Re: Growing from a child to an adult 02 Jul 2014 17:22 #234483

  • cordnoy
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You can choose sex?
And what happens if she chooses not to?
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Re: Growing from a child to an adult 02 Jul 2014 20:38 #234498

  • Pidaini
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I think that what he meant was that needing sex is a choice that he can make, and he doesn't need to make it.

Basically trying to say

SEX IS OPTIONAL!!
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Re: Growing from a child to an adult 02 Jul 2014 22:40 #234510

  • charlie1
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Thanks Pidi

that is exactly what I meant - To add - 6 weeks agos my marriage was on the rocks, over te last 4 weeks I have taken my life into my own hands. I have stopped blaming my life away!!!
I caught my wife looking at me - she said "I have not felt like this towards you since our engagement period" that was 10 yrs ago!!!

I realised that for 25 yrs I had been fighting the wrong enemy, The sex addiction is only a symptoms - now I am repairing my soul!

Thank you for all your replies

Re: Growing from a child to an adult 03 Jul 2014 00:03 #234519

  • lavi
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rabbi silver is awesome. he helped me also. i don't know if he has any public advice or shuirim available on the net.
i love you all

Re: Growing from a child to an adult 03 Jul 2014 02:47 #234529

  • dms1234
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charlie1
I caught my wife looking at me - she said "I have not felt like this towards you since our engagement period" that was 10 yrs ago!!!
WOW! That is incredible. I am single so i can't relate BUT I can relate to the GROWTH! Incredible work, even you're wife is noticing! Great Job!

KOL! Keep on Living!
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My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 
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