Showering was real torture for me back in the day. OMG. I hated showering with a passion. I remember it like yesterday. In the end, only G-d can remove the compulsion from us, and we can never be good enough to deserve that! So obviously when He does remove it (which He does from over a hundred guys I know), it is not because we deserve it! He loves us, period. But we must give it up first - or else he will take it away and we will just grab it right back! You know this in your heart, right?

And I do not believe that it is because of how we are in the shower that showering is such an impossible place for us. Rather, it is because of how we are out of the shower that we have such a torture time in there. If we live with our lust out of the shower, we will practically need to masturbate ourselves in there. Even if we are learning in Yeshiva all day long - but living our lives on the inside knowing we love the sweet fantasy (and it is very sweet!) and truly are ma'aminim that it's The Solution, then when we are presented with a warm shower, naked, with soap -and totally private! - it will just be the perfect theater to finally act out our lust. Right? As the gemorah says: Mah ya'aseh haben v'lo yech'toh?

Segulos are cute. Cold water is cute. Quick shower is cute. Only showering in the mikvah or in public is cute...all cute tricks for tying our hands for the moment. But none of those are facing the bitter and simple truth: We love the way sex with ourselves feels! Our problem is Lust. There is no easy way out. None.

The only way out is to give it up. And I could not do that alone. Meaning, without opening up about my story and problem clearly and completely to another clean (not from the shower ) person. Otherwise it is a joke, and we fall again and again until we see ourselves as a joke, too. For we are.

Also, speaking of jokes - laugh a lot. I am not talking about 'simcha', here, but this: I smile and/or laugh in the shower now whenever I get the slightest memory of a desire. I smile because it is a distant memory, b"H, and I know that I could go back there after all these years just like that. It makes me laugh about how nutty I am! Here I am, sober for a long taime, my life so very different than it was in the insane days (that were full of learning and masturbating - or fighting it)...and here I desire it all back? Hah! You gotta smile at that. It's just funny. It's been over 16 1/2 years without it, one day at a time.

Give it up by opening up to a real safe person (not just posting) and make yesterday's insanity a distant memory. Get out of the private shower (hah) and get honest with safe people, brother, about what and who you really are. Then the person you will become is not a guy who has to have sex with himself in the shower today. And that's all you need.

Love,

Dov

This is a little weird, but showering has had the opposite effect on me. I think the reason is that when I shower, I feel like I am washing away all the filth, physical and mental. I guess I am fortunate that Hashem gives me extra protection then.

I've always had an issue here. Its probably the only place I do have an issue. The one thing that has never let me down - I say a small prayer in the shower (when I want sobriety). The gravity of what I'm doing suddenly hits me. Here I am completely naked speaking to the creator of the world HKB"H asking him to save me. I think its power lies in its unconventional nature. Its even more powerful if you take 3 steps back and 3 steps forward.

Thank you all so much! The shower has become a no-fall zone, but I know that I still have a dark side. I must pray each time before I think I'm going somewhere risky.

You must have Power in the Shower;
Don't take half an hour.
Maybe call a chaver;
or think of your mother.
Sing a little nigun,
and dance to the rhythm.
Your washing your sins away,
stay clean for just one more day.

The only advice that I can offer as someone who has had such temptations is to take as short a shower as possible, while washing yourself as thoroughly as possible. When you get out, dry yourself and get dressed as quickly as possible.

There were times I was able to calculate that if I took a shower, I would fall FOR SURE.

Therefore, I took no shower that day. And it felt great! Between shmirat habrit and keeping with the halacha of bathing yourself everyday to keep your divine image clean, the former is much more important.

Studying Torah before showering also has had a great effect on me because it kept the urge away enough for me to shower without many problems. Preferably try to read something you find very interesting and sweet.

That's so great! Glad something is working for you, too!

This was a fairly recent thread, and I bring it back not for its content (although it is a serious issue for many; myself included, and needs to be tackled); I post here, for it seems to me that there are ten or eleven fellows who posted on this thread, and haven't been seen in a fairly long time. Now some of you may have moved past this issue and kol hakavod to you, but if you haven't, know that there is help for you, and even if last time you tried, you were not successful for one reason or another, this time you could. I am hopin' that some of you are subscribed to this thread, and when this post bings in your email box, perhaps it can provide a bit of a jolt and bring you one step closer to reality.

I know that my life wouldn't be real without GYE.

thanks

Hey! Dov is doing just fine thank you very much!........

dms1234 wrote:


But what about Kedushat Yesod, Pure Daniel, Makabee, Learnin', Some guy, R"Y's son, ggennukggivenggbegggargguyggoodthinkin' (I love names with G's in 'em), mishteh tamid, chabad, etc.?

cordnoy wrote:


Aren't they all in the secret forum?

unanumun wrote:


I would know then.

Seeing a "revival" of this thread really inspired me. I haven't been doing so well lately even though it's the 10 days of repentance. When I saw the reply I. This thread I remembered. I remembered all the struggles I've gone through. I remembered how much succes I have had. How many falls I've had. How much I've learnt. Most of all I see that no matter what I am not alone. Thank you for that.
Going into the new year, I know that I'm an addict. I know that I might fall. At least I know that I want to stop. I will never give up, thank God, simply because of the damage that has been done to me.

Please come back!