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Hello from Blind Beggar

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TOPIC: Hello from Blind Beggar 87603 Views

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 16 Jan 2012 17:44 #130925

Dov
NOW ONLINE
Administrator
Posts: 1960
Karma: 383

Dear BB!

Great to hear you are doing well, be"H.

I just wanted to take this opportunity (even though GYE is not a 'meeting') to share with you that I currently have a very attractive and pleasant young lady who is working at the desk right near mine. She was my student for a few days while my supervisor (who was supposed to be her mentor) was away and she is now with her proper instructor. But I have lust for her, her image, and getting to be liked and lusted after by her.

It is easy for me to talk program to someone else (like you, for example), but it really is work when it is in my own, real corner of the world.

Her desk is next to mine, she asks me questions as I am am a senior person here, and we work in the same room. All that is appropriate and certainly Hashem's Will for me (and for her). But looking at her extra, struggling with her image in my heart, and speaking to her when not necessary, are certainly not Hashem's Will for me.

By that, I do not mean that it is ossur, at all. There may be no issur involved - it is not my business to figure it out. I am not a halachik authority and that entire poisonous avenue leads to the same stupidity that always got me into acting out in the first place - destruction. I'd be very, very frum...but with no life and no sanity. Feh.

So here I am, surrendering with you, that I have lust, there are beutiful people in the world, they 'deserve' to have their real lives - and I 'deserve' to have mine. May Hashem help us both along with all sexaholics and drunks of all kinds, just live the real life He has for us without getting diverted to fantasy.

Whenever I just do that simple thing of living in the real life He wills for me, my inner and outer life turns out great. Not easy, but great. And I remain a good person to live with.

Amen! And thanks for being here!

(Now, of course, I will share all this at my mneeting tonight, and tell any other dear recovering perverts I am friends with all about it, just to let it go all the more. But after our exchanges of the past, it was an opportunity not to be passed up, I figured. So, thanks.)

"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 16 Jan 2012 17:53 #130927

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	Dov, thanks for keeping things real and for sharing BB, kol hakavod! KUTGW
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 16 Jan 2012 18:12 #130930

Blind Beggar
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Not a sexaholic, just trying to be good.
Posts: 780
Karma: 12

Thanks for sharing.
The way I go on about it you would think I am the only person in GYE who is not in kollel. Don't forget I was in kollel until very recently. All the women at work are somewhat tznuah, it is yerushalayim Ir hakodesh after all.
I have my ups and downs and try to post the ups as well as the downs.
On Sundays, I am the spam filter and I do sometimes click on the links "just to be sure". Yesterday, I got a trailer for a porno movie. I watched the first few seconds twice but in the end I deleted the email and erased my browser history beyond my ability to retrieve it.
I also had a 50 word IM conversation with a woman who is even newer than I am, just to say hello. It was only a hello but I have being imagining her being single and wondering if I was also single and thinking maybe I was fishing for a good time and .........
When will I learn?
Glad to be able to share.

The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?

Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 16 Jan 2012 19:45 #130940

Dov NOW ONLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	Thanks.
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same." Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 19:21 #131172

1daat Current streak: 126 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 713 Karma: 4	Thanks guys. I admire you both for how you take shmiras eynaim to the level of thought. I understand that it is at that level, where we take responsibility for the lingering in mind and imagination, that our aveiras can be sweetened, and transformed into mitzvos.
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 22:08 #131194

Blind Beggar OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Not a sexaholic, just trying to be good. Posts: 780 Karma: 12	By the grace of God and with the help of GYE and SA I now have 300 days of sobriety by SA's definition. 300 days I am still in danger of falling and I do slip sometimes but I am a different man now. That's after years and years of constant failing. Thank you Hashem.
	The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars. If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look. I can guard my eyes. I want to guard my eyes. I do guard my eyes. Why do I say these four lines? Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 22:14 #131195

gevura shebyesod
Current streak: 1248 days
OFFLINE
Platinum Boarder
Posts: 4178
Karma: 505

WOW!!!!!

KUTGW!!!!!!

Gevura!

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Last Edit: 19 Jan 2012 22:17 by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 22:23 #131198

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	GEVALDIGGGGG! KUTGW!
	My Home \| My Links \| Dov Quotes \| Dr. Sorotzkin \| Handbook \| Additional Tools \| AA Audio \| Shalom Bayis \| Skep's Tips Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 23:13 #131202

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	Mazel tov! Keep it up!
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans. Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 19 Jan 2012 23:18 #131203

last OFFLINE Senior Boarder look at my new truck Posts: 47 Karma: 0	wooooooooooow you are great Be"H all of us doing so well
	כֻּלָּנוּ גֻּיַּסְנוּ לְכָל הַחַיִּים, מִשּׁוּרָה מְשַׁחְרֵר רַק הַמָּוֶת. Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 20 Jan 2012 02:55 #131220

Dov NOW ONLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	Chessed Hashem is on you and yours!! Fantastico.
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same." Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 20 Jan 2012 08:36 #131236

TehillimZugger OFFLINE Platinum Boarder לבד הנשמה הטהורה Posts: 2446 Karma: 34	I'll dance extra long for you at lecha dodi tonight MAZAL TOV!!!!!!!!!
	?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him? Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 20 Jan 2012 15:23 #131256

chaimyakov Current streak: 61 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 399 Karma: 5	AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! L'CHAIM! Woodford, or anything else of your choosing. First round is on me. Hatzlacha in all things GOOD. chaimyakov
	Last Edit: by .

Re: Hello from Blind Beggar 20 Jan 2012 15:52 #131263

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	Mazel Tov buddy! kol hakavod lecha ad meah ve'esrim shana!
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: 20 Jan 2012 16:48 by .