this conversation takes very long in the mind to digest in an "instant spare of the moment odd look"
and the blood boils up in the mean time, isnt the 123 step alot quicker and more effective?

It looks to me that Dov isn't dissing the three-second rule, just clarifies it.
Yes, the first look is on G-d, but in order not to take the second look that's on me, I have to alert myself to the fact that it's not meant for me to see, then avert my eyes from it (and not do a once-over) and then affirm to myself that I did the right thing, and that the first look stayed with G-d and didn't find it's way into my head.
Like the Great one says, Nu. Whateva works for you. 

I always thought the three second rule was when a piece of food, usually mezonos falls on the floor, if you pick it up in three seconds it's still ok to eat, even in a frum house.  No?

Here I learn something new.  A second or two to realize I'm looking at my favorite huge strawberry ice cream cone (sorry Bard), dripping down the sides, screaming for me to... you get the point. It doesn't take me 2 or 3 seconds.  the rush is right away.  Today I was at the drugstore, and getting in line right in front of me are two young major triggers.  The instant I saw them I went, oy!, now I gotta work.  And after the situation resolved, and the guy behind me didn't have to keep looking at the idiot in front of him that was looking backwards into the store and not paying attention to what was going on in front of him, I didn't pat myself on the back.  I just went, Whew!, and kept on trucking.

I don't think I could risk the extra second or two.

Whatever woiks

1daat wrote on 07 Nov 2011 03:14:


1D, I'm totally with you on this one. It's what my life is like, 30 times a day. The reaction is instinctive and instantaneous, and it's going to take a long time before i can reprogram myself.

Gevura!

Dire Emergency.
I have been out of kollel in the office for two weeks seeing all the women as people and not objects. They all have more experience and knowledge than me and are at least 25 years old - women not girls. Now, two hot girls joined our team. One is for sure married and wears a mini-skirt. They both look about 18 and have less experience and knowledge than me. Two sex objects, one of them sits next to me.
Time to get all the weapons out and go to DEFCON 1. Expect regular posts BUT DON'T EXPECT TO SEE ME FALL. I MEAN BLOODY BUSINESS AND I AM TAKING THIS D@MN SERIOUSLY.
Still clean after 6 hours.

Ha ha Simple Machines Forum, you can't stop me writing d@mn! D@mn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yikes, tough spot.  I don't have anything ingenious to say, Heck, I don't even know how to spell ingenious .  Hang in there buddy, we're pulling for you. 

maybe you should try to act as a blind begger, dont stare directly, dont take the image in your mind, dont let the sexiness affect you, imagine they are just pink elefants or white geese, aint easy though

I would daven before going to work everyday: Hashem, I am powerless over lust, Please let me get through the day with Your help, and not fall.
Seriuosly, put a little prayer in. I think they call surrendering lust, or something.
Hatzlocho rabbo. You must be special if you get this difficult nisoyon.

i also do a similar special prayer many times a day, whenever i feel that the challanges are getting stronger then i can cope with, and you know what, i have been clean 94 days, and its definitively not with my own power, it was only with hashem's help

Thank you Shmeichel and Obormottel. I plan on using both the strategies that you mentioned.

I like laughing my head off with my sponsor about what a goofball I am that I would consider such people to have something I really need, at all!

It really helps put things into perspective. Pretty young women should be happy, pretty, and young. Hashem made them that way and it is totally none of my business how they use their gifts. I have my gifts, my wife has hers, my daughters and sons have theirs, and so what? Daven for these youngsters. If you pretend you have no relationship with them, you are playing a silly game.

RMB"M says kishuf is assur and even has a death penalty - all because it is fake and stupid. Not "evil" - just fake and stupid. So I say be careful using any fake imagery garbage....unless you think that just because something works, it is worth the cost no matter what.

Better admit that since she sits next to you, you do indeed have a relationship with her. And ask Hashem to help you do one thing: have a proper relationship with her. One that is useful to you as well as to her. She does not need you to mess around with her, at all. She does not even need you to fantasize about her or see her as an object - no matter how she dresses! Trust me, she does not want you thinking of her as an object. She knows she is not an object as much as you know that you are not one.

Which reminds me that when I think of a women as an object, I am really thinking of myself as less of a person and more of an object: A sexual pleasure-being rather than a real human-being.

So start by davening from the bottom of your heart with true honest hopes for these young womens' benefit and hatzlocha. Daven for them to find out how awesome Hashem is. Daven for them to be healthy and to be spared today and over their lives from cancer l"a, death or terrible injury in car crashes c"v, from the terrible pains that so many are suffering from that derive from horrible, evil husbands, mistreatment by others, tza'ar gidul bonim (the frum are not the only ones with torn hearts over strife with their children or over c"v losing a child mentally, spiritually, or physically!), etc. Daven for them to find and really discover Hashem in this lifetime and to be so much closer to Hashem than you and I are right now. To really know Him and see all the Good in Hashem and how He is really taking care of us 100% perfectly. To know that everything is really OK. He can give that to them, and to us, one day. Daven, brother.

They are people. Fearing and fighting the lust can just be 'waiting to be run over'. Playing a cute and 'holy' game.

Reality - the true reality - is so much more powerful than you are, than your lust is, and than anybody is. The truth is calm, accepting, and not a struggle. It just is. As long as it is unadulterated and honest. You can live with these people in peace. Not to be smug or arrogant about being 'strong' enough to withstand their wiles. But to see the truth.

Hashem made them for a good purpose and they are doing the best they really understand how right this second.

Thank you, Dov, for the time and effort and love that you put into that post and all your posts.


I am not dying to see them tomorrow, (or their legs, to be more precise) like I would have before I discovered GYE. I am not dreading it either. I am afraid that I may mess up and lust after them. I am planning on a pink-knuckle day and I know Hashem has set me up. I want to provide Hashem with the nachas ruach that He wants. It will not be easy. It will be by trying to see them as you described and by praying for them and by making a real relationship. The less-triggering one sits next to me - also part of Hashem's plan.


Don't touch that dial - this thread is going into a new stage as I am going into a new stage. This should be an interesting place for the next week or so.


Adios amigos.

Hi BB,
here's to you getting promoted and getting your own office, and you being so busy pulling in the cash that you won't have time to notice any green elephants

The term "pink knuckle day" is new to me, very cute, and I hope you do not mind if I use it. I have had many a pink knuckle day, too, and will no doubt have more, iy"H, in the future! Nu. We are works in progress, right?

So far so good. Skinny-short-skirt-purple-fingernails and Skinny-mini-skirt-long-blonde-hair now both have names and they talk to me like a person. I got a few good looks at those legs and one short lust-thought but nothing too serious.