Bright, I think the purpose of eimas hadin—and stick with me here—is not to get us to feel closer to Hashem or for us to feel better about ourselves, it’s there for us to achieve…eimas hadin—to put our every flaw and lapse, however minor, in all of our ugliness, under the harsh light of truth. And for most people it serves that purpose quite well.

If you’re feeling closer to Hashem or uplifted, or better about yourself, you’re not doing eimas hadin right.

That national collective sigh of relief motze yom kippur? That’s a feature, not a bug.

bennyh wrote on 28 Aug 2025 16:00:

Well darn

bright wrote on 28 Aug 2025 13:42:

It's interesting.
I think this has been commented on extensively, but definitely progressing in the struggles with lust has in a way lowered the intensity of yamim noraim. It's amazing how much teshuva was fueled by thinking I'm doomed (see: nuclear reset button.) And yeah, there were times I went the whole elul sparklingly clean - and then of course inevitably exploded into a bingefest before succos. (Actually, last year was the first time in a long time that the post-yom-kippur bingfest didn't happen.)

I think this change is a positive. I think.

But to answer the main question, without these days I'd continue a long slow slide into complete meaningless. Is it pleasant? Idk, I feel more alive, I'm thinking more, connecting more, etc. But fear is an unpleasant feeling. Would it be nice if I could have the same effect from feelings of endless love? Sure. I don't see how to do that. Maybe others do live that way. My stretch goal has been trying to have more bitachon that Hashem isn't trying to kill me. 

Edit:

To respond to Bennyh's point. V'gilu b'raadeh.
Pardon a childish mashal, but do players feel upset about getting to the super bowl? Obviously not. Ayyy if they mess up they'll be ruined. Ayyyy it's so much pressure. No.
It feels good to perform at a high level. It feels good to work on important things. It feels good to have a chance at a winning a big stake.
The reason it feels like pressure is because it feels hopeless. If we thought we could win we'd be pumped. But we're pretty darn sure we're gonna lose. We'd like to rage quit, but we're scared of dying. So we screw down hard to get through. And then pop.
Eimas Hadin means welcome to the big leagues.

bennyh wrote on 28 Aug 2025 16:00:

Sources please...this is way beyond me but it's within my scope to quote "Atta Nosein Yad L'Posh'im"

to me personally the fear part didn't help, it's more the love and the caring part that helps you, but not talking for others...

I know how painful it can be to reach the end of Elul and feel like nothing happened. Many of us carry the guilt, shame, or even denial of an Elul that seemed to go nowhere. Sometimes it’s easier not to think about it at all than to face that sense of rejection. I get it...and honestly, I feel it too.

But I think there’s a fundamental mistake many of us make in how we approach Elul. We imagine that our first step is to suddenly repent from our biggest struggles, driven by fear of judgment. We measure success by whether we’ve made dramatic life changes. The problem is, the change that comes from external pressure rarely lasts. At best, we resist it subconsciously; at worst, we manage for a little while and then find ourselves back where we started on the 11th of Tishrei. Life change is an unrealistic goal (unless someone just needed a tinsy push) so we dont succeed.We then look at ourselves as having failed another dreaded Elul.

That can’t be the whole picture. Fear and shame don’t create lasting growth, and most of us already know that from experience. What we’ve been struggling with all year doesn’t magically disappear in a month. A more realistic and hopeful approach might be to focus on the small things, the mitzvos or habits we’ve neglected simply because they slip under the radar: saying benching with a bencher, pausing for a bracha, or other simple acts that we just don’t get around to. These are doable, they build confidence, and they create ripple effects that can carry us forward.

The Rambam writes that the shofar comes as a remez, a wake-up call. But “waking up” doesn’t mean instantly conquering our hardest battles. We are already wide awake and staring them in the face! Many of us are already fighting those struggles with everything we have. To tell ourselves we should suddenly flip them overnight is not only unrealistic, it also dismisses all the hard work we’ve been doing. Waking up can mean opening our eyes a little wider, taking one step forward, and letting that step remind us we’re growing and moving toward Hashem. If that is our goal, We can move ahead with confidence knowing that we did reach my goal in Elul. We've succeeded!

Elul isn’t about rejecting ourselves for not being perfect. It’s about reconnecting, in a way that’s real and sustainable. Even the smallest steps count, and sometimes, they’re the ones that last the longest. (See Ohr Yisrael were he makes a similar point from another perspective) (Additionally there may be a concept of baasher hu shom. That is not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the teshuva of Elul)