I BROKE A RECORD IN YEARS AFTER A WEEK ON GYE!!

I joined 3 weeks ago, and I went thru the forums this week for the first time and something in my mind switched.

Till now, when an urge would come I would just give in and fall, I would think to myself, "its normal, its healthy, its natural" probably due to the western culture, justifying all evil.
After going thru the forums, and seeing that, no, urges are meant to come, and I am meant to overcome them, not give in and fall to them. I decided to give it a try, and when I got the urges I would battle them and not give in, time and time again, until I saw a 9 DAY STREAK W/O P OR M! 
This is tremendous for me, it has been yrs since I got such a long streak!

Sadly, this morning I fell with M, and whats rlly sad is that I didn't even have an urge, I just fell on purpose... cause why not:(
and later on in the afternoon I fell again and "peeked" at P...

​Thing is, I was rlly hopeful that I would reach a 30-40 day streak, I was on a high.
In addition, I dont rlly feel all that guilty which bothers me too! 
Another problem is that once I fall I just tell myself: " You're already down, just enjoy till the end, and then get back up" as opposed to getting right back up. after one fall.

Hope for some insight and help, thanks heilige yidden!

I'm sure some big guns will chime in but believe me this is completely normal. Vayter!

Now is the time to pick yourself and due some internal work. There's a recent thread from Captain with advice for new joiners.

Welcome tzaddik!
Mazel Tov on your 9 day streak! I can definitely relate to such a "small" number being huge.
And the "Why not"? completely normal, for sure in the beginning of trying to figure out what's going on with this habit/pacifier- cuz that's mostly what it is. I found that working on motivation/reasons for change, connection here in the Forum, and having a Mentor really helped.

That "Pink cloud" stage? "I'm never gonna fall again, 30/40/90 days plus, I got this, I realize now that I don't want this and I have all this support, it's gonna be easy" and then Boom, it's back, "what happened? why did I do that? Oh well, guess I was wrong about this being possible, I'll just do it again..."
Also normal! This is how the most rewarding journey of your life starts.
Having an accountability partner or Mentor really helps me with this part. Calling him and saying "I just fell... I feel like a failure, I was doing so good..." He gets me back up to keep going and not do it again. Even knowing I'm gonna have to call him after I fall can push off the fall entirely.
Or at least not make me do it twice cuz it's a lot easier to explain why I fell once rather than twice in a row...   
Why would you want "guilty" feelings. Guilty" feelings are not good. That's part of what causes the "Oh, I'll just do it again".
Healthy feelings of "That was a wrong thing to do, and bad for me, but I will get up and keep going" is good.

Point is: Your perfectly normal and you're doing amazing!
Actually, you're way better than normal, cuz you're fighting against what the whole outside world is trying to tell you to keep doing and go along with!
Keep posting about your ups and downs, we're here with you every step of the way!

CHAZAK V'EMATZ!!

puremind wrote on 01 Aug 2025 13:02:

Amazing breakthrough with that 9-day streak!

That mental shift you described - recognizing urges are meant to be overcome, not surrendered to - is exactly what recovery looks like. You've proven to yourself you CAN do this. The "why not" and "already down, might as well" thinking? We've all been there - it's the yetzer hara's favorite trick. But you're being honest, reaching out, and not giving up. That's what matters.

This fall doesn't erase your progress. You WILL get that 30-40 day streak, be'ezras Hashem. Dust yourself off and keep growing - the chevra here believes in you!

Hatzlacha raba!

Personally, I think there's reason for you to celebrate! Yes, there's still a lot of work to be done, but there's no question, that you've now officially entered the battle. Until now, you were passive. Now, you've made a decision to put on your boxing gloves, and getting in to the rink. There will be wins, and there may be losses, but as long as you keep the fight going and get back up when you're down, there will undoubtedly be successes that you'll have. Learn to savor the taste of success. Experience the feeling there is when you overcome an urge. Feel the power it brings in to you. You're a champion in the making! 

Another point. Guilt is not something you should be feeling. It's living in the past. Right now your job is to put it behind you and move on. There will be time in the future for some healthy regret, but that's for a later time. 

A word of caution. As Reb CO always tells guys that just fell. For the next few days, you might feel the toxic effect of the poison of what you've seen, coursing through your body, and pushing you to indulge some more. It's normal, and it may take a few days to wear off, but if you stay the course, and pick yourself up, the brain has a way of slowly but surely shifting to a "clean mindset", and it usually gets easier. Finally, please stay with us. The battle has just begun, and we need you on our team. Every warrior makes us all stronger. KOMT!!!

Late to the party...but never too late to welcome another fellow brother!
On that note...

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
As you may know from your time here, there are many tools here to help you in this fight, some of them you may not be familiar with.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program* (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is an awesome compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com iwannalivereal - iwannalivereal@gmail.comcleanmendy - mendelclean1234@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Hey again:)

(Hope Im doing it right, I was told to reply to my first post if i wanna continue updating you guys...)

So Im on my second attempt to break my own personal streak record, previous was 9 days, today is day 9!
Past 24 hrs were extremely tough, was scrolling for eye candy, beating around the bush, and had crazy urges, which led me to start acting out, but I cannot let myself fall now!! 
​There's no way Im gonna be this weak! 
I need to be strong and get to a nice amount of streak days on my portfolio!


Hope to update you again in couple days still being on track and clean:grinning:

PS. I was thinking maybe its not so good to stop cold turkey, maybe I should take it slower?

puremind wrote on 12 Aug 2025 13:08:

The streak is a powerful motivator. As you can see though, focusing only on the streak leads to hitting the streak and then promptly falling
The goal is to use the streak as a tool (among many) while also working on changing your mindset and attitude. I apologize if this has been suggested already, but check out some of the fantastic tools available on the site, such as the Flight to Freedom, the mini-courses, the Battle of the Generation, and of course, the chevra.

p.s. For most people, when they say take it slow they mean take it easy. I don't think you're the type of guy who wants to settle for easy. Aim high my friend!

p.p.s. Congrats on the nine days clean! It's an impressive accomplishment already.

I dont have much to add. Everyone else here. did it. 
LETS GIVE A HUGE OVATION FOR PUREMIND ON OVERCOMING TWICE FOR NINE DAYS!
Just remember, guilt is YH. And maybe just view today as one day. Then add up all of your one days at the end of the week. That way you are not challenging YH with "beating the streak"

Ashrecha, to pull yourself away from something like this is tough and pushing to reach a streak high in the beginning is nothing short of amazing. Never underestimate yourself, the YH will make you think you can't in those moments and will make you think its impossible. See through his tricks and realize you have all the power you need to overcome him, its all in you. And the more you push the more hashem helps. We all believe in you, you got this. The best advice I can give is to get out of a situation that's easy to fall in. Even the strongest can't fight forever if the makom nisayon is too challenging, if you get yourself out it becomes a lot easier. We are all rooting for you, much hatzlacha!

 

I MADE IT!!

12 DAYS CLEAN!!!

This is the longest streak by far since the age of 12!!
​(I did have a 17 day streak, but that was cause I was traveling)
​I hope to get to 40 days, I will get to 40 days, no matter what it takes!!

Ok, here goes 2 weeks, 14 Days have come to an end, BUT!

I dont feel guilty at all, firstly its my longest streak since the age of 12-13!!
Secondly, I barely felt pleasure, it was a deliberate fall, and the pleasure felt was like 1/4 of what I imagined after so long holding it in… So I think Im became more desensitized.

I do however feel guilty for not feeling guilty at all.. 

Here is a hug buddy! We are here for you. Bezras Hashem you will break this new streak as well. 

Thanks, Yes I KNOW I will!
Wont give up ever!!

Personally i have had some times where it was more pleasurable sometimes less. i found it was quite random. keep on going for today. i found that i cant focus on the streaks. yes getting to 90 was great but it came with a fall 3 days later and i felt very down trying to gte back up. now i just focus on today. today can be the best day of my life. keep on going for another 24. you can do it.