Wow!!! 7 days clean!!! After decades of habits and struggles!!! (:astonished:I know how not easy that is) Your a hero my man!!! your actions are shaking the world!! Your protecting our brothers in Israel!! Stay strong the world needs YOU!!!

bestbenny wrote on 18 Feb 2025 17:43:

Uh what?  I mean thanks, but how do you know I'm in Israel?

HI!
Welcome to the most amazing family!
My friend, it hurts to read your post. I'm so sorry for your pain. Stick around, read, ask, listen, and get to know the guys. There's a way out, and that's through friendship. Feel free to reach out to the email in my signature, I'd love to give you a virtual hug- or a real one if we ever meet

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 18 Feb 2025 17:54:

He didn't know you're in Israel, he said our brothers in Israel plural meaning the war situation here. Don't worry you're absoloutly anonoumys here. (why can't they put spell check on here! you know I'm way to lazy to check how to spell that thingamagee word up there even  though I'm fully content spending more time writting this absoloutely too long of a rant in these parenthasis which honestly I don't know how to spell either- Whatever I give up!)
Anyhow keep up the great work & keep on trucking as some on here like to say!

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 18 Feb 2025 16:13:

Hey chaver welcome to the site!

Just want to mention that a hobby (like gaming) can be a big help in the struggle. Keeping yourself busy and distracted is an excellent way to minimize the frequency of urges. Of course, in the long run the goal is to be able to jive with life so you don't need any distractions from it anymore. But that's a longer term goal.

Hatzlacha!

Thanks.  Just yesterday, I was stuck in bed for most of the day with a stomach bug.  I think it was yesterday...could have been the day before.  Anyway, I could have pulled out my laptop and distracted myself, but I decided to try sleeping through it.  Managed to go the day without completely submitting to my urges, but it was definitely difficult.

That's awesome,  keep it up.

Bit late to the party. Welcome brother to the forums! Painful introductory post. There’s a lot of hurt that you're nursing inside of you. The good news is that it can mostly become a thing of the past, especially the feelings of failure that you feel welling up inside of you every time the YH gets the better of you.

There are a few things that struck me as I read your intro post. First of all, you are an amazing person that’s trying his hardest to fight this battle. It seems to be wearing you down, to the extent that you’re broken from the rigors of fighting so hard. Every time you fall, you feel like you’re back to square one. There are a few things that I’d like to point out. The fact that you are on this website, making a post about this very private struggle (yes I know that you’re hiding behind a username, but it’s still tough), to me makes you an instant hero. The fact that you haven’t given up after so many years, and you’re still on your feet despite the (perhaps many) setbacks is a inspiration. Hashem has tremendous Nachas from the battle alone, it’s a beautiful battle in His eyes, losses included. The fact that you’re a BT and have made this a part of the change that you’re taking on, to me, is nothing short of inspirational. But the thing that caps it off most for me, is that “There’s nothing more whole then a broken heart”. There’s great strength in the vulnerability that shines forth through your posts.  My dear dear fellow Yid, we feel your pain, we’ve been there, it can, and with the right effort, it will change. You are clearly a special person that wants desperately to do the right thing. We will embrace you as one of our own, allow yourself to feel the warmth that the Oilam here offers. We’re like family. Welcome!

Two more points. You alluded to the fact that there are other unrelated issues in your marriage. You don’t write what those issues are. Perhaps it’s possible that they’re completely unrelated to the issue that we’re discussing. But you’d be shocked at how many people thought they had completely unrelated issues, yet when they successfully cleaned up their act, their problem in marriage (mysteriously?) either disappeared completely, or were greatly diminished. Lust has an effect on so many areas in marriage, more then we can imagine. Until one cleans up his act, it’s hard to know how many areas in his marriage in effected. We can retrain ourselves to look at our wives differently, in a more positive light. Their deficiencies seem to shrink in all areas, not only those areas related to intimacy. Yes, I know that there are definitely issues that won’t be resolved by cleaning up the act, I’ve got some of those myself,(and please forgive me if you fall into this category), but so many of them can, and for that alone it’s worth investing everything we’ve got.

One final point. There seems to be a lot of negative feelings that you associate with this struggle. It doesn’t have to be that way. One can fight this battle by viewing every test as an opportunity to bring Nachas to Hashem, and to make ourselves in to better people. Even if we’re not successful all of the time, it still can be fought with positivity. Check out Reb Akiva’s thread for an example. The best way to start your journey, is to get acquainted with some of the threads, when you find someone whose words resonate with you try reaching out to him. Many have found HHM to be the best place to start. He has an uncanny ability of telling each person what they need to hear. He can also be valuable in guiding you who else you might gain the most from by reaching out to, as he is aware of more information behind the scenes that doesn’t get posted. Hatzlacha on your journey, we look forward to getting to know you better!

amevakesh wrote on 18 Feb 2025 23:50:

Thank you.  I do appreciate the support.  While I can also appreciate the desire to comfort me regarding my broken marriage, please don't give me hope.  The process has already begun and, if I'm truly being honest with myself, I am uninterested in a true reconciliation.  There are simply too many problems to sort through that she seems unwilling to deal with.  That is between her and shamayim, but the fact is that I have given everything I have to support her and feel that she has, unfortunately, given me very little in return.  Whenever she needed my support for her battles, I was with her 100%.  For my own, I was left flagging in the wind.  There are a number of other issues that I do not wish to reveal.  In reality, I do not believe that this is salvageable.  This is a struggle that I will have to deal with alone.

Hey, sending you a big hug

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 19 Feb 2025 09:08:

Big mistake. My friend, first of all your friends here would be more than willing to lend an ear and a heart to help you sort this through, so you don't have to go it alone. And, though I know nothing about your story, I know enough to know that you should not go it alone. 
My friend, reach out to some good guys here and talk it through. Surprises await you

eerie wrote on 19 Feb 2025 17:25:

Thanks for reminding me.  I have also started getting a lot of support from my family as well.  They're all in America, but they're behind me.  But it's still something that I have to do myself.  I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me.

Hey SWB, how’s it going? 
Haven’t heard from you in a few days, just checking in. 
Rooting for you!!!
AE

authenticeved wrote on 23 Feb 2025 07:27:

Marital issues have been...unbalanced.  Sometimes there's acrimony, sometimes there's peace.  I'm going to need a lot of therapy and not a small amount of other things.  Which reminds me: I don't have a very effective filter.  Can anyone here make a recommendation?

Techloq works for whatever I need. Does need some tweaking from time to time.