Everything ok in the mir? Did they lose electricity or maybe even 

proudyungerman wrote on 29 Apr 2025 03:18:

Halevay!! Hi chevra!!!!! i'm here! and i just checked and saw my looooooooooooooong altehmirrer sefira beard moving from the breath of my nose so i know i'm bh alive! 

Either way bh i'm doing ok keeping busy and since i am in contact with some people constantly i therefor don't feel the need to come on here as often, also to be honest with you it's prob. better for me bietzem not to come on here that much, as i don't really have access to a internet..... (it's hard for me to go in the time capsule... and then my chaveirim in the mir wanna know what happened to me), and i have to go to a place that has internet, and if i'm not really getting much benefit than it's prob. smarter for me not to, as i should really keep busy and active....

לאחר כל הנ"ל now that i am here... last week i did have a fall 1 day, my 2nd one since joining, again bh not as bad as a fall as iv'e done in the past, and bh i'm not taking it as hard as last time, but still it's a stark reminder that i have to always be on top of my game, always always always reach out to people when i'm having a hard time, internalize (thanx co) that although bh i am a good guy who really tries to be a good yid/person it's still not a stira to me having these struggles, and the proofs in the pudding! so when i am having a harder time my goal is to be able to tell myself that hey this is not some out of the body experience that your having now, it's not the other you..., rather it's all me the same great person who also is struggling, hopefully that will help me be able to be more present with myself, to be able to have the clarity of mind to do something about it!, bh along this journey i am learning to be able to be comfortable with myself, to be able to look in the (alteh) mirror with a confidence that i am a good person, i am a person who's looking forward! and yes i am a person with a goal in life with a purpose.

p.s. i thought i'd share an amazing book that i am reading, which helps with the proper attitude toward sin, secrets of the soul volume one (R' shlomo hoffman), i'm crazy over it, read it you will see why.

Hatzlocha to us all from the mir! (and py please don't get musk to send me starlink, after all the mir is buggyable from burma)

Hello chevra! bh were doing great, there is a stressful situation that i am dealing with, where a very close family member who i care deeply about is upset at me.... it's hard as they are in a very vulnerable situation, but i know that what i am doing is right, i spoke to daas torah (a person they respect), but it's still so hard as they feel like i don't truly care about them, i wish they weren't like that, but it's ok and the truth is that i do care about them immensely, it's just that what they want me to do would end up really damaging someone else, but again i don't blame them they are blinded right now and in a tough situation, i'm gonna plow ahead and do my shlichus in life (no worries the mirrer aint becoming a chabadsker so quick!).

It just feels good to get that out of the way, hatzlocha, and have a great shabbos!

BH doing great!

Hello chevra, though i'd share something with you guys, mainly to get it clear, and who knows maybe one of you אדידי התורה will identify,

As i'm moving along in this journey, and becoming more self aware and self confident and self accepting, i'm realizing how much of a slave i always was, i'm not referring to being a slave to my taivos, (which of course is also true), I mean that i was never focused on my true self, rather always pretending (to myself and others) that i am something that i'm not, since i had a picture in my head of what a real good yungerman looks like, i felt that it's the only way to really be...., so even though i didn't feel true to myself i still had no other choice, that's what gave me some small feeling of purpose, i was a true slave, living for a image, and not being my true self, and i was really not happy, really not fulfilled, i didn't choose to sit and learn, i didn't choose to daven..., i was doing it because that's what's expected of me, and it wasn't feeling real, there was no meaning and no purpose, so of course as time went on it got harder and harder, because it's hard to keep on doing something so demanding when i felt like i was actually doing nothing, and as i got older and got less and less motivated it only got harder, my image didn't matter as much..... (i could be maarich on all the details but הזמן יכלו והם לא יכלו)

Either way since bh i really started working on myself, and i am becoming ok with myself, actually more then ok, i am so so jubilant to be who i am, while yes i did make many mistakes.... and though i really hope never to do it again, who knows? still i am now able to be comfortable with who i am, it's not hard for me to face what i've done, while it was very very bad, and i own it and i have to do teshuvah, what was was...., i now understand how and why i evolved...., i'm not judging myself, but the main thing is that i am honestly doing my best today, that's all that matters, to be able to wake up with a plan to do what's right today, to further my growth today, to be brutally honest with myself, after all hashem gave me back my neshoma for a reason, and not trying to just fit some image, while yes maybe there is some truth about the optimal yungerman vision that i have...., (which of course has some room for debate), but right now that's not who i am, maybe one day but today let me just focus on honest growth, right now i am my optimal yungerman, and today i am making hashem as proud as possible with me, because i am doing my true best! (It's funny but the actual truth is that now i even fit in closer to "that" yungerman, because bh i am comfortable davening (usually), and learning most of the time).

One small observation that i had recently was that it is my choice to be in beis medresh today, i'm only here because that's what i want to do, not because others expect that from me, it is so geshmak to be learning because i want to, and to daven bec. i want to, ובחרת בחיים, it is so good that i am spending my day doing what i want to do, is it perfect? no there are some times that it's still hard, but bh it's light years better then what it was, and it's amazing!

Another point is that in the past i always felt like a good yungerman sits and learns the entire seder.... so whenever i took a break i felt guilty, and if i felt guilty you know where that leads....., either way while yes it is true that it is so so special to learn full sedorim without any batalah whatsoever, but you have to be really holding there, bh there are people that are there, i'm not one of them (yet), iyh one day...., so i decided that i will take a intentional coffee break (around 10 minutes) halfway through seder, guess what? i don't even feel guilty, it's not wrong for me! it's where i am holding right now and that's ok, so while my chavrusas don't leave their seat at all, i get up get a coffee shmooze a little, then i return to him confidently ready to continue shteiging, feeling like i am doing my right thing right now, (btw the coffee room is teeming, seems like many others had my plan for a while, i'm just late to the game).

There's a path for everyone, the key is to stick to your own, were all heading to the same place, but each of us at our own pace,

Wishing us all the best from the mir.