Hi all, I'm new here and still figuring out my way around this site, I don't have the courage to open up all the way, but I feel that I have to post something, so I'm taking the first step in the right direction הבא לטהר מסייעין אותו

Welcome!

Youre joining a family of the most supportive, positive, and friendly group of people! Stick around, learn the ropes, and feel the growth and support of GYE!

If I may be so bold as to suggest you reach out to Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com) if you’re comfortable. He’s helped hundreds, me included.

With wishes for sustained success,
Muttel

Welcome to the GYE family!

GYE is a place that helps you realize that you CAN break free!
Here you will find warmth, care, and acceptance.
Amazing first step to start posting, and whenever you're ready we would love to hear the rest of your story.
Until then, read around the forums (there's a tremendous amount of wisdom there...), and check out the F2F program.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Hi all, I'm not the best writer, and I'm not so good in expressing my self ether, will try my best.As a boy, my years were mostly peaceful, at a certain age closer to the bar mitzvah I played around with a fwe boys and we touched each other, but nothing more than that (and i don't think this had an effect on my struggles). As a Bucher I was doing really good learning, Davining was involved in some chased, and bh no major problems in kadusha, but then after I got married It all started, I started watching movies, and I just got hooked to it and wasted a lot of precious time but that's not the point right now, and on the movies there is alot of inappropriate scenes that no one should see and in the beginning I taka turned away the phone but with time I started to be ok with it and the Y"H in me started to get fed and nourished and started to grow and the more it grew the more he asked in order to get satisfied and that got me to a lust for seeing nude women and I started searching for it and before I knew it, I was watching porn and MZ"L. Porn and mz"l was still manageable but my lust wasn't and it was driving me crazy, b"h I'm here now getting better, doing the 90 day, a few day after i started the 90 day I opened up to my wife and told here everything, i know its not something that everybody do but for me it was the best thing. Im Doing the FTF program, spoke to HHM, A big thanks to him, and I recommend everyone to have a talk with him. And im also getting alot of chizik from all of you guys while reading the forms and all the stories and the way ppl are fighting each day and each struggle and never giving up, gives me alot of chizik to keep on going. (One of the good things I got out of my struggles is being here on this site with so many tzadikem.

Great job brother keep it up you're in the besty place you can be.

talking with human beings is the best and most recomended thing you can do for yourself, provided that you feel comfortable with it, it's not about getting advice (see my signature) it's about having who to vent to when you're having a hard minute, its about having a friend who understands you and your strugles, and it's about cofining yourself into feeling  accountable to another human being, which will give you the courage and the strength to hold tight, and not fall in a hard minute.

keep up the great work and keep us posted
with love akiva

Great point, thanks

Hi all, sorry if it's not clearly written, I'm not good at it, I just want to unload my heart,Over the past few years, I got very cold in certain aspects in Yiddishkeit, (One of the main side effects when giving in to the yetzer on kdusha),I used to wake up 5:45 learn daven, now I wake up ....... depends on my day i. Work i Daven at home bychidus, no mikva, no learning, i barley (or don't shh..) make zman shema, and tfila, something i used to be very strict in, i stopped learning chumish rashi, something I used to do every Thursday and I didn't go to sleep before I finish and in had a tremendous effect on my life, don't worry I didn't start to go to sleep early I just replaced the chumish rashi with movies, and I start doing it every night not only Thursday, i just didn't have any feeling in anything, and I knew it all along that it is because my wrong doings but I wasn't able to help my self, I tried a few times, and then 72 day ago I found the yshua the help I need GYE and all the ppl here, I started the program started reading the forum, and bh i got clean, my shmiras eniyim is improving (work in progress) my marriage is better Bh, and I thought that I'll get back my Davining etc, but that didn't happen, i don't remember theast time i davend with minyen or Davining took me more then 15 minuts in middle of the week, no mikva, my learning is ohmmm rather not say, ok ill say i don't remember the last time i learned gmura.most of the time i just don't feel any connection and I really miss it, I did have in the past couple of weeks a few good moments but that didn't hold for long and I'm so confused, do I feel טעם און יידישקייט or idon't feel.If I feel why don't I daven with minyen if I don't feel why did my musef first day rosh hashuna take 2 hrs (I was in a different world, never had this before felt so connected)If i feel, why Between rosh hashuna and Yom kippur I didn't go to slichus and davend at home every day,If i don't feel why did go the first 3 day sukkas in the morning to a shir in chasidus Real deep, and felt so good, but then on Hoshana Rabbah I didn't even start tehillim, (i used to finish every year for the past 10 or more years, Simchas Torah was good bh, I promised my self that I'll start again בראשית but guess what I didn't even start the first pusik.So the answer is i don't feel and this few time i did feel i don't have the tools to hold this feeling that it should pick me up to a higher place (maybe I do have it? If yes it needs extensive repairs)

Thank you for your post. It is painful and confusing when our motivation changes from day to day. May I suggest that you make small commitments that you can keep to. For example committing to learn 10 minutes of Chumash rashi every Thursday, committing to daven in Shul one dedicated tefila every week etc… instead of shooting for everything at once. . Keep to those small commitments religiously and eventually with hashems help you will be able to build and expand on them.

Let me Clarify myself, I do feel connected to hashem and I'm full of gratitude to him for all the good he has done to me, my Aminah and btuchen are strong bh. what bothers me is that i used to connect with Davining learning etc, and now I don't anymore, and I feel that part of me is missing. and it also bothers me that I can't find the time and the will do to this for hashem after all  the good he has done for me,

vehkam wrote on 12 Nov 2024 14:26:

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll try it, but I don't think this will work for me as I'm a all or nothing kind of guy, I think I need some deep mind work done

Shalom Brother,

I've got a modified guide from R' Horowitz for attaining will and motivation if you want to try it?
Perceive (why), conceive (how), believe (I can), achieve (do it), cleave (to good people), and receive (motivation to continue).
Hatzlacha.

5678 wrote on 12 Nov 2024 18:16:

All or nothing comes directly from the yetzer hara….

This Reb 5678 is clearly a Derhoibene Yungerman!!! The Y"H is panicking about his amazing future and trying with his last breath to get him into his trap! But it clearly won't work!

Harav Reb 5678, I'd love to talk/chat with you

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 12 Nov 2024 21:13:

Just send me a private message or in chat 

vehkam wrote on 12 Nov 2024 20:38:

That right, but what do I do now?
thanks for adding something to my list of things I have to work on.