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TOPIC: My struggles with kedushah. 3021 Views

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:16 #420647

  • yitzchokm
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:11:

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:57:
You are probably better off talking about the things you are too embarrassed to talk about either on the forum or with a mentor.

Still don't have a mentor. Hashemhelpme didn't help me with that.

If you spoke to him about it and he couldn't help chances are that it is unrelated to our struggle. Did you ask him for suggestions about what to do about them? If it does have to do with our struggles then I would call him again.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:18 #420648

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:15:
And thanks for your suggestion, but I don't feel comfortable with it right now.

Not Amudim .
Posting on the forum

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:19 #420649

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:38:

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 17:08:

yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:37:

hopefulswan89 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 14:05:

cande wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:00:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, NOT because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

can you clarify?
"I've stooped to other very low things"
  things??
you dont have a taava for those thing??
you dont have taava for pics of pixels of nude women??
you only look @ porn when you bump into when your bored??

Why are you beating up on him? 

I sent you a PM but it doesn't seem like you are able to read it. It seems that your posts are coming across as aggressive or judgmental. It seems to me that you are trying to help people but this doesn't seem to be the way it is being perceived. It would help a lot if you would be able to give people advice based on your experience in recovery rather than scrutinizing and judging people's posts. I assume you are unaware of how your posts come across so I am writing this.

Also, I think it would be beneficial if you open a thread and write what your original struggles were. You have over 500 days clean so I assume you are in the maintenance stage but I think it may be hurting people to see a newcomer who doesn't seem to be struggling and who we don't know that he ever was like one of us preaching from the podium. If you had a previous username and you don't want people to identify it then write about your struggles in general terms in a way that your previous username can't be identified but at least write what behavior you were struggling with.

I see that you have negative karma and I am writing this as constructive criticism. I am sure that you are a very good person and you are here either to help others or so that you don't fall or both. Every new person is a blessing to the community and it is good that we have you. I am trying to give you advice so that you can post in a meaningful way that people will find helpful. Thank you very much for your understanding and please keep posting. All the best.

Can you elaborate on negative karma. What does that mean and how is that number generated 

People can press on the plus or minus button next to your karma. In general, it is a measure of how popular a person is. It is rare for someone to have negative karma and it usually means that something is wrong with the way the person is posting or with his behavior on the forum. With you I believe it is just that people don't like your style of posting. I don't think people have any problem with you as a person. It seems to me that since you are clean for so long you are primarily here to help others which is very nice of you. If you are also here for yourself you can correct my assumption. I gave you a suggestion about how to write posts so that people will benefit from them. I suggest that you read through a whole bunch of threads so you see the style of posting and back and forth posting between other members. It will give you a better idea of how to post. I appreciate your listening ear. All the best.

Do you mind continuing this conversation on your own thread?
My thread is getting too distracting for me.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:20 #420650

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:05:
I know that people post just anything on this forum, besides for retzichah.
Doesn't mean that if I'm doing pot I'd be comfortable anouncing it here.

Shares should have a toeles.
Vulnerability increases connection and promotes healing. Still your choice.
Some share more than other. These things tend to feed and grow in the dark, hence the suggestion to shed light on them, roll up your sleeves, and make sure our efforts are appropriately allocated. 

Like treating symptoms instead of the disease, a full picture can be key to discovering the right treatment.
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.

A little about what I'm doing here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:26 #420651

What I heard from him was very different from what I hear on the forum and the site. He basically said, forget about flight to freedom, the battle of the generation, & mentors.
Tell yourself that you just don't do it anymore, call me every day to report your progress or when you feel you're going to fall, and I'm giving you a partner to talk to, not to learn with, and thats about it.
Didn't sound like a personalized recommendation.
Sounded like he was saying that different things talk to different people, everyone has their own mehalech, this is his.
 That mehalech doesn't really talk me.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 18:30 by tzaddikvikam13.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:29 #420653

These other things aren't my main struggle, and I think that if I just take care of m*******tion and mz"l, these other struggles will disappear by themselves.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:31 #420654

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:26:
What I heard from him was very different from what I hear on the forum. He basically said, forget about flight to freedom, the battle of the generation, & mentors.
Tell yourself that you just don't do it anymore, call me every day to report your progress or when you feel you're going to fall, and I'm giving you a partner to talk to, not to learn with, and thats about it.
Didn't sound like a personalized recommendation.
Sounded like he was saying that different things talk to different people, everyone has their own mehalech, this is his.

Is this what HHM told you? It sounds like he very much tuned into your personality and interests and told you what would be best for you. It sounds like great advice if you were to ask me. I things you should rephrase the words in bold "this is mine." And by the way, congratulations for calling HHM. That was a good move.

Who am I to explain HHM but originally you also wrote many times that the book and the program are not for you and you are just looking for someone to talk to. It seems like HHM agrees with that.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 18:46 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:35 #420655

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:29:
These other things aren't my main struggle, and I think that if I just take care of m*******tion and mz"l, these other struggles will disappear by themselves.

That is if it isn't something like SSA. I don't assume that you have SSA but I just wanted to give an example of something that won't go away by not doing M. I guess start by dealing with M and if everything goes away with it then you are fine.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:40 #420656

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yitzchokm wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:31:

tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:26:
What I heard from him was very different from what I hear on the forum. He basically said, forget about flight to freedom, the battle of the generation, & mentors.
Tell yourself that you just don't do it anymore, call me every day to report your progress or when you feel you're going to fall, and I'm giving you a partner to talk to, not to learn with, and thats about it.
Didn't sound like a personalized recommendation.
Sounded like he was saying that different things talk to different people, everyone has their own mehalech, this is his.

Is this what HHM told you? It sounds like he very much tuned into your personality and interests and told you what would be best for you. It sounds like great advice if you were to ask me. I things you should rephrase the words in bold "this is mine."

Just my opinion, but I also think this advice from HHM sounds tailor made based on what he thinks will help you. 

It was an hour long conversation, which I'm by no means asking you to share, so it's hard to imagine it was anything but personal for you.

Hatzlacha 
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.

A little about what I'm doing here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:42 #420658

It was an hour long conversation, which I'm by no means asking you to share, so it's hard to imagine it was anything but personal for you.


He did most of the talking. Didn't share that much.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 18:51 #420659

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:42:


It was an hour long conversation, which I'm by no means asking you to share, so it's hard to imagine it was anything but personal for you.


He did most of the talking. Didn't share that much.

If I understand correctly you are going to call him daily. If you have anything else to share to make it more personal then go ahead and share when you speak to him. Just from what you wrote on the forum I believe I can see that he hit the nail on the head. If this arrangement doesn't work for any reason share your concerns with him but it may be worth trying it this way first and seeing how it goes.
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2024 19:00 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 19:05 #420661

You don't think a partner, chavrusah, mentor, books, would help me?

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 19:08 #420663

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 18:26:
What I heard from him was very different from what I hear on the forum and the site. He basically said, forget about flight to freedom, the battle of the generation, & mentors.
Tell yourself that you just don't do it anymore, call me every day to report your progress or when you feel you're going to fall, and I'm giving you a partner to talk to, not to learn with, and thats about it.
Didn't sound like a personalized recommendation.
Sounded like he was saying that different things talk to different people, everyone has their own mehalech, this is his.
 That mehalech doesn't really talk me.

You should know that he tells each person something else. What he told you is not what he told me. He has an uncanny ability to know what to tell each person......

What did he mean "he is giving you a partner to talk to"? Is that not a mentor?

btw, I'll be happy to serve as your mentor. Feel free to call/text me at the number  in my signature.

With hopes for your sustained success,
Muttel
We're in this struggle together; feel free to reach out! 
Muttel15@gmail.com

Feel free to call/text! (908) 251-9590 (google)

Check out my thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story#413043

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 19:11 #420664

soundedl like he's giving me another bochur whos still struggling

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 02 Sep 2024 19:21 #420667

  • yitzchokm
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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 02 Sep 2024 19:05:
You don't think a partner, chavrusah, mentor, books, would help me?

There is no mentor better than HHM and if you can call him daily or when you are about to fall you got everything you need from a mentor from the best mentor on GYE. A partner is a synonym to someone to talk to. I could guess that the book isn't for you because you have ADHD and it would be difficult for you to stay focused on a book or the program but this is guesswork. You can trust HHM who thinks a chavrusa in the book isn't for you without knowing his reasons.

Essentially you got a partner and a mentor which was also your original request that you didn't want anything except for someone to talk to. It seems like your original request is really what you needed and you got it on a gold platter. You are lucky to have HHM to talk to. If you haven't realized yet how lucky you are to have him I am sure you will realize it as time goes by. 
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