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TOPIC: My struggles with kedushah. 3016 Views

My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 00:52 #420217

I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, not because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 00:58 #420219

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Please don't partner with another yeshiva bochur, both for your safety and for his safety. Another yeshiva bochur might be exciting and feel great which can lead to trouble. A married man was also once a yeshiva bochur and he will understand you well. Even with married men you should choose somebody seasoned who can really help. The four that were suggested to you are good choices.

Did you start the Flight to Freedom program and do you read The Battle of the Generation? Both of them together can help you a real lot.
Last Edit: 28 Aug 2024 01:22 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 01:02 #420220

Youre right, but I just want someone that I can relate to.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 01:09 #420223

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This struggle is universal and doesn't discriminate between ages. Read the four threads of Eerie, Chaimoigen, Muttel and Hashem Help Me and see if you can relate to any of them. I bet you can relate to all four. As I wrote to you SA isn't segregated by age. Perhaps personality carries some importance for you so read these threads and see which personality resonates with you the most.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 01:10 #420224

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maybe not as a mentor just someone in the same category to relate to?  I think gye was/did going to make such chats but got ride of them because of the above issue. correct me if I'm wrong. btw I'm a bachur but have had a much bigger p*** addiction 

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 28 Aug 2024 01:15 #420225

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I would second what yitzm said. A bachur needs a mentor, even though its a bit uncomfortable, you wont regret it. It will change your whole life and IYH your future marriage as well.
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 30 Aug 2024 19:30 #420447

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yitzchokm wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:58:

Did you start the Flight to Freedom program and do you read The Battle of the Generation? Both of them together can help you a real lot.

"tzaddikvikam13"
Youre right, but I just want someone that I can relate to.

The program and book might be too much for you to focus on but there is a 40-day email program with concise information and tools that is only a 2-minute read a day which you might find useful. If you are interested you can sign up here:
https://blog.guardyoureyes.com/newsletters/
Last Edit: 30 Aug 2024 19:33 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 30 Aug 2024 20:10 #420449

I'm starting the zman next week, not going to have email.
If I can get a mentor or partner to do the book with, it shouldn't be too much for me.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 30 Aug 2024 20:16 #420451

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Maybe try Ezraw. If that doesn't work out then ask chaim@guardyoureyes.com about someone else who you think is safe.
Last Edit: 30 Aug 2024 21:03 by yitzchokm.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 15:15 #420507

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tzaddikvikam13 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 00:52:
I'm a yeshiva bochur in beis medrash.
I've been struggling with m********ing for the past few years. I hated it from the beginning and tried stopping multiple times with seforim on inyanei kedushah, and kabalos with knasos, but I never had long term success. 
Over time, I've stooped to other very low things, not because I had a taavah for these other things, but because one thing leads to the next. As soon as I would manage to keep sober from m********ing for a short period, these other taavos would disappear.
I'm not addicted to p****, but I'm not completely clean from it either. On the street I think I have the regular struggles of a yeshiva bochur, I try to take off my glasses before I go outside, sometimes mistakenly (or not mistakenly) see something and try to get a better look. I never had any serious taavah for pictures of p****, never found any hana'ah in pixels, but I have slipped sometimes, more out of boredom than out of taavah.
Over the past couple few  years, I've been struggling a lot in yeshivah, and while there are other things in my life that can be causing it, I feel that my slips in these areas are destroying my ruchnius.
I right now have an unfiltered computer with Linux, which isn't easy to filter. If you have any experience with Linux or the bash terminal, PLEASE HELP ME!!
I'm looking to partner with a yeshiva bochur who has similar struggles, and with a yeshiva bochur who has gotten past such struggles.

Stay strong, don’t give up ! 

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 16:14 #420516

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Two of my children have ADHD. I know how hard it is. There are books on how to live with ADHD although I don't remember the name of a good book offhand. It might be hard for you to read so much but if you are capable of reading it may be worthwhile to buy a book. It won't take away the difficulties of ADHD but it will have coping techniques. If you are interested I can ask my therapist the name of a good book.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 16:41 #420519

I'm here because of my struggles with kedushah.
I posted here that I'm looking for help. Got a few replies. Mostly directing me to other people, who don't respond to my emails.
I mention that I have ADHD, and every thread that I've posted on blows up with suggestions, eitzos, and help.
Am I on the right site for inyanei kedusha?
Last Edit: 01 Sep 2024 17:13 by tzaddikvikam13.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 16:51 #420522

Yes you defiantly are!

If you already emailed michelgelner@gmail.com I would recommend you wait a bit more. I believe he answers his emails. A mentor who can help straighten your prospective towards inyanei kedusha can be very helpful.

I would also recommend you open up a 90 day thread where you count out loud toward 90 clean days of whatever your battling. I personally find it very helpful.

Hatzlach Raba!

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 16:55 #420523

I have no problem waiting, but I'm starting the zman in a few days, and I'd like to get a mentor and chavrusah by then, otherwise, I'll have to wait until bein hazmanim to continue with GYE.

Re: My struggles with kedushah. 01 Sep 2024 16:57 #420524

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You wrote to post on your thread about ADHD and you even wanted to open a thread addressing ADHD so I gave you advice about it. If not for this I wouldn't have written what I did.
Last Edit: 01 Sep 2024 16:58 by yitzchokm.
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