Hey everybody first time posting here on the forum. For me I was first exposed to porn around the age of 11, back then there was no such thing as filters on internet so I pretty much had access whenever no one was around on my family’s computer or at a friends house. My obsession with computers, video games and watching go back as far as I can remember. As a kid I was always playing computer games, my parents would literally have to pry me off sometimes. As I got older it changed to binging YouTube for hours sometimes until 4 or 5 am, movies tv shows etc etc. The thing is that when you get bored of watching funny, interesting, you name it videos and movies you get kinda bored and that’s when I turn to porn for a little more excitement. Anyways that was my childhood/teenagehood. When I went to yeshiva it was only a bein hazmanim thing, until I was about 20 years old and all my buddies decided to get iPhones and iPod touches so I got one too and binged in yeshiva also. Long story short I got married and started working hard to use technology in a healthy way got filters on devices, I’ve cut out masturbation for over a year already, but I’m still plagued by this craving for entertainment which always somehow leads to inappropriate material. That’s where I’m holding today looking for chizuk, ideas anything helpful really.

Mr94 wrote on 27 Aug 2024 13:53:

Excellent start!
What has been helpful to you in stopping masturbation?
Stick around and get to know the good people here

Hey welcome! Great thread title.

You came to the right place. GYE is a community of people working together to beat this thing. And by "this thing" I mean whatever level of the struggle. We've got guys here all across the spectrum. From people who have never seen porn all the way to people who have acted out in ways that would probably give you an std from just thinking about it. 

It sounds like you've made tremendous progress on your own. That is truly impressive and you should pat yourself on the back for having come so far. 

Stick around and check out some of the excellent resources on the site. See the Flight to Freedom program to help you learn about your struggle and some powerful tools to help you fight, and the excellent book the Battle of the Generation to help you reframe the struggle as an opportunity. (Links are in my signature.) The most powerful resource is of course the chevra. Connect to friends, find a mentor, and keep on fighting.

I, and many guys here, can strongly relate to the slippery slope we fall into when using entertainment (check out this excellent post for one perspective). Filters are amazing and necessary, but not sufficient. I don't know what your general feelings on entertainment are, but for me, it feels like I can't use something that normal people can use since it inevitably leads me to places that I don't want to go to. Accepting that has been very helpful for me. 

Hatzlacha and keep on trucking!

Welcome to the GYE family!
So nice to have you posting here.

GYE is a place where you can break free!
Connecting with some of the great people here can be a tremendous help in taking that final step to freedom.
(If you're bold, I'd recommend reaching out to Hashem Help Me - HHM - who is the mentor-in-chief. (michelgelner@gmail.com)
e has helped hundreds, present company included.

A thought jumped out at to me as i was reading your post. Please ignore it if it doesn't speak to you.
It seems like you have something pushing you towards entertainment.
What is behind that?
Are you really just looking for inappropriate material and this is the way for you to get there "innocently"?
Or, is this really a push for something else? If so, what is it a push for?
Again, just food for thought...

KIT and KOMT!

Hey Richtig, honestly i stopped masturbating because it made me feel horrible, at the same time i realized the high for me isn't the release, its the endless search for new material i haven't seen yet something exciting, that all usually ends after you ejaculate. 

chosemyshem wrote on 27 Aug 2024 14:23:

Thank you for the warm welcom! That post from Chaims Oigen sums it up beautifully.

proudyungerman wrote on 27 Aug 2024 14:26:

Thank you for the welcome! There are definitely times when I'm hoping to come across some inappropriate stuff, but I don't believe that's the whole issue I've gone several months in the past without watching porn but to go a day without some sort of tech stimulation is pretty rare. I believe that I use it to fill some sort of void within me. The challenge for me is this- I'm currently still in kollel (in the process of looking for a job) so lets say i come home at the end of a day where a learnt well 3 full sedarim, davened well, spent time with wife and kids, theoretically I should feel fulfilled and just go to bed at a normal hour, but what happens is I need some time to relaaaaaax..... and that ends up putting a dark spot on an otherwise great day, the challenge of just going to sleep without watching anything is murder and thats where im failing

Welcome Mr94,
You mentioned past games and videos late into the night (early into the morning?). Maybe it's not the tech specifically, since you are ok while in kollel, but a learned need from your childhood  for constant stimulation? 

Have you ever considered something like meditation?

Hatzlacha

BenHashemBH wrote on 27 Aug 2024 15:55:

Hey BenHashem just to clarify the late night early morning excursions were when i was young and free:smirk:, now I am a responsible adult with a family and my responsibilities get me to bed around before 1, but I still kill many hours a day and night when I have free time just surfing the web. It's interesting you mention meditating because my approach has always been to increase alternative stimulants, for example I've adopted a few pastimes such as cooking, building, playing sports/exercising all in hopes of leaving myself with no time for the screen, but alas there always seems to be enough time for both, perhaps mediation is something I should look into if you have any resources to send my way I'd be happy to look into it.

Mr94 wrote on 27 Aug 2024 15:26:

Amazing! 
As I'm reading your post I'm not sure what you mean exactly.
Is it relaxing or filling a void?

If it is a void, do you know what that void is? 
If it's relaxing, why aren't the alternative methods working for you?

Again, just my thoughts.
Either way, KUTGW!

I don't do official meditation, but I go for walks or if I'm driving somewhere, occasionally I'll drive in silence to just be one with my thoughts for a good 30-60 minutes. It's a good time to reflect on things and also practice just being. 

Reb PY and I may be converging on the observation that your stimulation and replacement activities could be skipping over a root cause that would be beneficial to identify. 

Kol Tov

Interesting I never thought about this apparent contradiction, I think that whatever the void is leaves me feeling slightly uneasy until I fulfill that hunger and the uneasiness goes away kind of like a cigarette does for a smoker, in which case it relaxes me by feeding that craving and releasing that uneasy feeling that I'm carrying with me through the day.
In regards to what the void is, I don't think I fully understand myself, I'm a regular healthy guy, B"H lead a wonderful life, never had any traumatic experiences in childhood. My theory is that Hashem created us with a certain sense of lack to give us a drive to accomplish in life, I definitely feel less of a need to turn to technology when I'm busy doing productive things, as opposed to times when I'm bored, wasting my time- then I feel the lack much stronger. However even when I am fully productive throughout the day there always seems to be a small sense of uneasiness that never quite disappears.

Mr94 wrote on 28 Aug 2024 03:46:

To me it seems like this last line really says that there is different void - other than the drive to accomplish - that is there and being filled through your entertainment/porn. (And I think that you were really admitting it yourself...)

So I think the question remains, what is the void? I think that as you start to figure out what is causing the void, you'll have an easier time figuring how to fill it other ways and therefore be able to break your current bad habits...

(As an aside, as a B"H regular, healthy guy without any childhood trauma, I also had to figure out what was going on inside myself, causing me to act out. HHM - Hashem Help Me - was extremely helpful with that. If you're bold, I'd recommend reaching out to him (michelgelner@gmail.com). It can literally be life-changing.)

I think I will reach out, I find it very difficult to try to dig deep into my own mind by myself. Thanks for the lead!

I'd like to ask the oilam's opinion. In the past I've tried to cut off technology completely, when I do that I usually feel pretty great day to day, problem is nowadays it's very difficult to function normally without using the internet here and there, so ultimately I end up breaking that commitment. The next approach is to use technology but only for non entertainment purposes, problem there is that I end up spending that same time on "non entertainment things" such as looking for deals, planning trips etc the things are endless, so while I'm generally protected from looking at inappropriate stuff I still am feeding my technology habit. The third approach is to only use kosher entertainment which basically has the same drawback as the second approach. So I guess my question is, is the first approach the only way for a guy like me and I'll just have to figure out how to live without internet, or is there a mehalech to use the internet in a healthy way?