I'm posting this for imagibbor, who is having technical difficulties that are preventing him from posting:



I’ve been battling porn for over 10 years. I’ve been on and off on and off for that entire period. I simply can’t manage to shake it. I opened up to a therapist recently who’s helped me discover myself in general and specifically with porn.
I’m finding myself in a pattern- throughout the day, I’m doing fine. I’m not thinking about porn, I’m thinking about the battle. I feel like im in control. Like im in charge. But all it takes is one trigger, one hole in my filter, one bad day- and im completely back to the porn addict! It takes barely even a second! There’s no “battle” to be found in those moments. Im just right back to fully engaged in porn without giving it a second thought.
i have this often. If anyone has gone through this and has any advice, I would really appreciate it!!

I feel that. Not much to offer besides sympathy. 

If you've tried everything else, perhaps a 12 step group would be a logical next step.

Hey imagibbor! I'm quite familiar with that feeling, there's a point at which it becomes almost automatic. Forget about battle, it's almost like I'm not in control, period. What are you doing from an accountability angle? Do you have webchaver? Do you have an accountability partner?

I’m speaking it all out with a therapist. Another interesting thing I’m finding myself doing is that I have a filter, but any time I find a hole in the filter I watch porn- all the while thinking, “this is really the last time”, and then I plug up the hole. Then, I will desperately search for another hole in the filter- even without being aroused at all- until I find one and start the whole process again. There’s something in me that refuses to accept the fact that I’ll be locked out of porn completely

Thanks for sharing, great question, and critical! I used to be like that, it took a while to accept and practice this motto, Never test the filter!!!!

Maybe have a discussion with the filter company? They can set up alerts or notifications to a third party. So it will be more dangerous to poke around with the filter, and when you do find a hole, you can't go on a binge. Sometimes you need to find someone at the filter company who "gets you".

It is possible that It’s your escape.  It makes sense that you would want to make sure you have an escape route.  

If so, you will probably find away around any filter or accountability program until you learn to find healthy alternatives to address the need to escape.