I want to clarify some points.
I hope I did not make it seem too easy. Being that life is getting me down at this time, the struggle not to go read a porn story is real! I am consciously feeling the pull often as I sit here at work and look at the mountain of work in front of me and feel that it is insurmountable.
Also, lately my mind has been working on overdrive to dredge up old stories that I read, in full color. I have B”H been successful in moving on to think about something else, but I had one wet dream in the past few weeks. (not due to active thoughts though).

I believe the Yetzer Hara is working overtime to get me back on his side. A bit of a reminder that after all I am a male human being.
I remain here, trying to stay in the air.

Thank you to the great friends that reached out for some encouraging words after my depressing post on Sunday. Your words are warming me up and keeping me going.

And so, after doing some thinking from what I wrote the other day, here’s where I am.

Like I wrote, I decided that I need to focus on some good parts of life, not just the things that are getting me down. So last night when I came home from work super wiped and super stressed, I decided that I will attempt to not let it get me down. I asked my 2 younger boys if they would like to learn with me. They immediately jumped on the opportunity. The older one, only had a few minutes as he was going to learn with a friend soon.

I plopped on the couch and opened the Mishnayos with him and we learned great.

When he left, I learned with the next one.
You can only imagine the weird things I said as I learned Mishnayos Eruvin in my sleep……

After we were done, I promptly fell asleep on the couch for 15 minutes. But when I woke up, I concentrated on the fact that I just had a great time learning with my boys and they also enjoyed it!

Consequently, not everything is as hopeless as it seems.

Thank you all
And most of all Thank You Hashem!!!