Hello GYE Chevra,
I've been snooping around gye for about a year and a half but have been hesitant to post on the forum. I'm realizing now that the moral support and understanding of the struggles by the oilam here might prove to be very helpful for me on this journey.
The struggle of tavos nashim has been with me since I was very young. I've often felt that my tavah was stronger then your average guy, but I'm sure many people feel the same way.
Bh I rarely had access to a secure completey unfiltered device, so my access to inappropriate content was usually through some sort of loophole that I found or a malfunction of the filters, or from advertisements or catalogs. It was also not always readily available. 
I started poking around on GYE because I decided enough is enough and I needed to get things under control. 
I eventually successfully completed 90 days but then fell shortly after. I had some good tekufos after that and some not so good tekufos.
Just recently I went 185 days clean only to fall again and oh how hard did I fall. It came back with a vengance.
I think the main issue that I had was that I was fantasizing in my mind more because of some recent stresses and it put me into a vulnerable place where I felt a disconnect from my avodas Hashem. So I fell.
I feel that if I would've been more connected to some support it is possible I would've been able to pull through.
So if I learned anything on this journey it is to utilize my falls as opportunities to for growth and to recalibrate and reconnect to the Abishter (still getting there..)

I hope next time will be different.

Thank you for reading this.
Kadosh1

Well then, welcome to the posters club! 

If you were around for some time, you prob saw the warmth that there is on this site. Believe me, it just gets warmer when you begin posting and interacting with people and eventually speaking to 'real' and 'live' people!

For now, Welcome and keep sharing!
Here's a hand!

- Yiftach'l

kadosh1 wrote on 15 May 2024 07:08:

Welcome to the warmest family, dear friend. Yes, here you can learn to find yourself, to connect to like-minded friends who are looking to keep going up. friends that are here for you, want to hear you out, we care about you and we look forward to seeing you succeed!
One correction. You wrote that you hope next time will be different. My friend, this time will be different!
Keep posting.....and keep trucking!

Welcome aboard Tzadik!
I'm new here and boy have I discovered the magical atmosphere comrades here have to offer. You will see that there is hope to see the light of day, the opportunity to free yourself from the shackles of shame, and to fly up high and remain.... beKedusha!

Muttel

Welcome to the forums!

I know all to well about snooping around GYE without posting - and not having much success.
Joining the "family" here was probably one of the strongest tools that has helped me and held me afloat (and more than afloat) the past 8 months.

Looking forward to getting to know you!

Thank you for the warmth and encouragement.
After having a rough few days, I am now bh getting back on track. It's not about records, it's about building on success and taking day by day.
The challenge is those images that pop into my mind when I am not focused or when I blink...
Gotta keep my guard up and keep on trucking.
Here we go!

Those images will beH dim as time passes. Yes, they will come up from time to time, but in general they will dim. Keep it up!

Yah BH the images are less frequent

Another clean day yesterday bh. Quiet a few strong urges and some fantasizing, but I made it through.
One foot in front of the other.

The urges get intense and I'm in a delicate place feeling very weak to fight but also a determination to get through this and continue climbing the mountain.

The root of the below feelings may belong in the grouchery, but trying to overcome the hurdles here and want to get this off my chest.
There are all kinds of stories out there of people who strengthen themselves in the area of kedusha and see hatzlacha in all different areas of life. I try to fight the fight yet life just keeps going the way it was nothing obviously extraordinary happens as a result. (Maybe I'm just not wearing the right glasses..)
I know that we are not in this fight for the rewards. It would just be a chizuk to hear from others that fight day in and day out Just because that's what Hashem wants.

kadosh1 wrote on 19 May 2024 16:13:

I have BH strengthened myself in this area of kedusha and much of my life is the exact same. Except for one thing . . . me. That is the greatest gift to myself. I'm also the one who loses if I stop fighting. As you are alluding to, the chizuk does not come from the results nearly as much as it comes from the fight itself. You are doing it. 

gye365s wrote on 19 May 2024 16:38:

Thank you, I appreciate the prospective.

Yesterday when I was walking in the street, I made up my mind that for this walk I am looking down as much as I can. I walked and I davened for help in the area of kedusha and for all the other things that I need.... Also, yesterday was a really good day bh. Think it was a coincidence?

Today I find myself in a bit of a more delicate situation. In the past this situation has had the potential to lead me to not good things. I hope that I will be able to stay strong especially since those urges keep surfacing. 
Meanwhile, one step at a time.