cande wrote on 11 Jan 2024 04:30:

Personally, I don't see a reason to go before the age of 13 or the day they put on Tefillin. It is unclear to me why I sometimes see children going, often as if they are in a swimming pool. It calls for trouble. Also, my menahel in Mesivta taught us that the kavonos hamikvah are אריין און ארויס (meaning, not spending an extra minute there).

Children should only be in a mikva when accompanied by their father. Quite a few mikvaos have that "rule" hanging at the door.

i remember the first Q they ask is, is your dad  here?

i asked a guy that was making a mikva why hes not putting in camra's in?, he said cause its discusting!
i told him, coming to think of it, your right!   it would have been disscusting to have a video of myself being abused!

What in the world has a child to find in a mikveh ??? Neverminded the creepy men that are running from one mikveh to another.
A mikveh is dangerous place !!
I think its time to upgrade the mikvehs into private rooms. Just as the restrooms.
Where is the modesty we teach and talk all day?
I know families that don't let their children wear short pants from age 7, but send them every Friday to play in the mikveh.
Many mikvehs nowadays have cameras. Be aware or stay home!!

yitzchokm wrote on 11 Jan 2024 04:46:

Chazal (פסחים דף נ”א ע”א) forbade bathing with one’s father, brother [some versions say father-in-law], stepfather, or sister’s husband because of a concern for hirhur (רש”י שם). The Rama cites this as halacha (אבהע”ז סי’ כ”ג סוף ס”ו, פתח”ת שם). In a place where people cover themselves somewhat, e.g., with a swimsuit at a beach, it is mutar (רמ”א שם).
However, young children may go to the mikvah with their fathers since at that age, it will not lead to hirhur (ספר הזכרונות על תרי”ג מצוות מ”א א’ פ”ב, שו”ת קנין תורה ח”ב סי’ ל”ד אות ב’, שו”ת שבט הלוי ח”ז סי’ ר”ב). In fact, children should never be allowed to go to the mikvah alone at all due to the existence of unscrupulous people.

sbg wrote on 09 Jan 2024 21:24:

My humble solution is not to go, as it is akin to טובל ושרץ בידו.

Just my experience.

Hi. I fully agree with the original questioner. Mikvaos nowadays are often disgusting. Abuse or not, people can sytand around talking as if they are in a club and lose every last bit of inbuilt shame. Chazal tell us that one of the signs of a jew is his shame yet it is slowly eroding on all sides. (the same is true, in a different way with the immodest styles of dress that have become common by women. i wouldn't have such strong views about them if i wasn't so preverse to consistently notice how immodest every woman who passes is.....) It is no wonder that a person struggling with SSA or other attractions is suffering so much. Someone must do something about this terrible disease. Every Mikva should have someone appointed to constantly urge everyone to move on. Also, mikvaos should not be so hot, it only urges people to sit and talk. I don't knw where you live, but in Toldos Avrohom Yitzchok in Yerushalayim and in a few similar places, there are very strict rules that are kept in aid of tznius. you may find that helpful. i don't  know if there is anything similar in your area. (also, consider going at 6ish in the morning or at another empty time of day.) Stay strong, I know it must be really hard to feel so impure and knowing that the way to remove that impurity will only spoil you more. hashem should be with you and pour from His holiness into you and bring you to only good places.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 11 Jan 2024 04:54:

I was in a mikva this Friday that does not have that rule. I saw two little unaccompanied kids. I told a guy that knows their father to tell him something. It was uncomfortable for me, but I hope that I accomplished something

eerie wrote on 21 Jan 2024 22:32:

#mikva shark

Going to the mikva is a topic that is not touched in the chasidisha world, its needs to be. 

It has evolved from a being a holy place of purifying oneself to a spa with terrible consequences,. We need to shake the world regarding this issue. 
The only place ive seen where Tznius is still a basic requirement by men in the mikva is in Yerushalyim. 
Lots of MIkvas have very low lighting and its very quite, no talking or lounging around. We need to demand it here! I only go on fridays and Shabbos and only to a mikva that has a very serious kind of clientele. Its very quite there as well. 
What bothers me the most is that by going to a modern day mikva, most bucherim will lose their inborn holy shyness, it become normal to be exposed and shower naked in public! How is that good for anyone especially our holy bucherim? It gives me no peace to see this issue consist. 

Maybe for #Shovovim the Yeshives should not let the boys go to MIkva, that will prevent lots of sinning. HY

I have gone to Mikvah and I am still shy about Tznius. It all depends on how we go about going to Mikvah. If we are modest in the Mikvah it adds holiness. My menahel in Yeshiva  used to walk into the Mikvah in overnight camp sometimes and announce that the kavanos hamikvah are אריין און ארויס, meaning to spend the least time there as possible. Some people prefer to go when the Mikvah is emptier but a person can and should remain holy even if he goes when the Mikvah is packed. Someone who has SSA shouldn't be going to Mikvah for obvious reasons but that concern doesn't apply to the rest of us.

chancy wrote on 23 Jan 2024 16:38:

Good points. But I think that low lighting is not a good idea... Predators are a greater risk in the dark... 
Side note: It might be that because Mikva is a place that brings kedusha, it also has the risk of the opposite zeh leumas zeh ...

I have always felt strong about this issue. A LONG time ago, I was in NY with my Chabad Rabbi and he said that we should stop at the Mikva before going to the Ohel. I told him that I have never been to a Mikvah except the Ari Mikvah in Tsfat. He explained how it works and my answer was a “bunch of guys naked in a hot tub? You must be kidding?.. I will pass on that. We talked about it a few times and he tried to convince me that It was fine and I should try it.

We have a great relationship and I jokingly said to him that there is no situation that you and I are ever going to get naked together! I am making a joke about this, but as someone who doesn’t have SSA I would find it impossible to get into a mikvah with a bunch of naked girls. It would be impossible not to look and fantasize.

Many of us can’t handle having a iPhone in our pockets, but we are expected to be ok in the presence of a group of people that we are sexually attracted to being naked? How does that make any sense? 

Coming from a non-frum background, a Mikva was something that “religious women” went to. Men never went..period! I am not against it, if someone enjoys going, but for a guy suffering with SSA.. It just doesn’t make any sense to even attempt it. 

Please understand that I am coming at this from a non-frum viewpoint. If there is an overriding reason that you feel that you must go to a Mikvah, I fully respect that and if you feel that you must go AND you suffer from SSA I have nothing but empathy for you.

BTW… if a was a pervert and I knew a place that I could see a bunch of naked people together, I know where I would be hanging out. I would imagine a lot goes on in there that shouldn’t.

adam2014 wrote on 24 Jan 2024 11:05:

While I agree, and I have said so above, that a person dealin' with SSA should not be frequentin' a Mikvah on a regular basis - that is merely my opinion, and to some who come from the more Chasidic upbringin's - that may amount to heresy, as they might consider the daily mornin' ritual dip as a 'chok v'lo ya'avor,' and they would need to deal with it accordin'ly. In the same vein, I take slight offense to your unequivocal stance on Mikvah goin' from a sensical standpoint. While you may not understand it logically and that is not how you were brought up, that is fine, however, that has no bearin' on our traditions. Will I quote the Roshei HaYeshivos and the Great Chassidishe Rebbes who have made it clear to us that nothin' detrimental will come from a mitzvah done with kedushah, or one who is tryin' to do the right thin'? No, I will not, and at the same time, i will say that not everythin' in our religion makes sense and we do it anyway. Men goin' to a Mikvah together is part of our mesorah; if someone can't handle it, don't go, but that doesn't mean that it's wrong (and I'm not sayin' that's what you said either).

Godspeed

Reb Cordnoy, I usually dont reply to your posts, as we have very different styles and I don't like to get into arguments. 
But I gotta differ with you here. 

What you wrote that this is our mesoraha, i would argue it isnt. At least not the way we are doing it now, not by a long shot. 
The closest i can imagine what a mikva was like, is the Ari's Mikva is Tsfas. One min in and out. 
There was never any hanging around, showering, sitting in a hot tub. Come on man!