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TOPIC: seeking help again i guess 1834 Views

Re: seeking help again i guess 09 Jun 2024 14:47 #414907

Still compulsively sitting in front of the computer all the time...b''h not doing anything stimulating enough to keep me up super late, not that I did anything recently to earn that (besides hiding the chess app, which so far has sufficed to keep me away from it.)  Also I've been a bit sick so it's easier to decide I'm tired and go to sleep...

I'm something like six years clean of M now and a bit more than that of P...b''h. my young adulthood was hell...

(should I share prior usernames?  I discovered I remember them but I don't know if I want to look back at them.  I definitely don't remember the passwords or the passwords of the associated emails)
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 18 Jun 2024 18:27 #415363

OK, to be fair he gave it a month or two's nisuy, but he's back saying he doesn't want to have to deal with a filter...gonna try to check the details of GenTech to make sure it'll work...for some reason I'm balking at the price, even though it's basically the same as Techloq, just for longer periods.
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 18 Jun 2024 18:52 #415366

I got a different answer this time from GenTech support; they basically say it will be the same situation as now with TechLoq in terms of the things that bother him.

He says he'll probably just buy a personal device...I didn't suggest it to him because in my mind it's not a good idea...
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 19 Jun 2024 13:39 #415433

  • chosemyshem
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truthaintflashy wrote on 18 Jun 2024 18:52:

He says he'll probably just buy a personal device...I didn't suggest it to him because in my mind it's not a good idea...

It's probably not. But your life comes first. Kol hakovod to him for giving the filter a shot at least.

What about monitoring software (covenant eyes/truple) on the computer instead of a traditional filter? If you have someone who could be a good monitor (plenty of amazing volunteers on here) then it'll help for your purposes, but should be much less in his way.

Re: seeking help again i guess 18 Jul 2024 16:45 #417395

  • proudyungerman
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How's it going, buddy?
Feel free to reach out and say hi!
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My Journey:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/406231-The-Real-Me

Re: seeking help again i guess 19 Jul 2024 12:39 #417426

b''h finding things to do other than sit and stare at the screen...impulsively trying to access sites not worth my time has reduced.  I'm reading BotG bit by bit, along with a book on Sefaria, as well as finding time for my (artscroll) gemara.

Inertia seems to have won the battle for the other guy...he didn't get a personal device.  He seems to fill a lot of his time now watching videos on chabad.org.

Must go; have a good shabbos all
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 02 Aug 2024 14:49 #418345

Saying hi

It's been a good couple weeks life-wise; I made some significant headway in something I'd been afraid of and putting off.  In terms of kedusha for some reason I'm having a lot of vulgar thoughts.  Mostly just words, less images, b''h as that's not always the case...when there's images I try not to blink and to find something in the surroundings to notice xD (this works in the house, not so much in the city.) the words I just ignore.

It took a few months, but I'm realizing the Techloq filter is a life-saver for me, though I'm missing the words right now to explain its impact.

Despite it being a good couple weeks, this week has been a major energetic "low"...I come home from work exhausted, and the times that I sit at the computer I mindlessly check and re-check the four content-rich websites I still allow to myself.  But compared to "lows" three or four months ago I'm much happier with accomplishments, how I use my time, and that I don't end up staying up late.

I have an idea why the "low" came and it may well continue and get tougher, whether in terms of kedusha or other terms..can't really say more without exposing my identity.  If relevant I'll post here.

Have a Shabbat Shalom!
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 15 Aug 2024 17:20 #419235

bs''d

Just saying hi.  Alone in the house, which happens only rarely, giving too much thought to food.  Somehow I don't have a weight problem though.  Ate a bunch of grapes earlier.  Tahini paste with a tiny bit of water and a tiny bit of honey.  Sauteed an onion and scrambled eggs with it.  Gonna have a cup of tea.  You get the picture...at least I stopped buying chocolate bars a while ago, especially with the whole heavy-metal-in-cacao scare.

Maybe I'm exaggerating for effect, but boy, I think about food a lot when nobody's distracting me.

Kol tuv
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.
Last Edit: 15 Aug 2024 17:21 by truthaintflashy. Reason: typo

Re: seeking help again i guess 29 Aug 2024 15:56 #420354

bs''d

b''h good stuff in the works

Someone posted a while ago that some mentor/rav said to someone who was struggling with machshavot zarot ("strange/foreign thoughts") that "the thoughts aren't strange/foreign, you are"....

Anyhow I wanted to put a positive spin on it, since it's hard for me to stomach that a talmid chacham would call a jew's essence bad...So here's the vort --
This world, is a place full of animality and nonsense.  Jews come from a higher, purer place.  Inappropriate thoughts aren't foreign here -- they're exactly what's natural and expected down here.  We are the foreigners, wanting to connect to G-d against it all...

Have at..
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.
Last Edit: 29 Aug 2024 15:57 by truthaintflashy.

Re: seeking help again i guess 09 Sep 2024 15:32 #421068

In TBOTG in several places shmuzes from theshmuz.com are referenced.  It seems like a lot of them are missing on the site, at least when I choose "The Shmuz" --> "By Number" (e.g. in chapter 45: Shmuz 39: “I Need Needs”  isn't there)

There's no search function either. How do I find these shmuzes? 
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 09 Sep 2024 18:53 #421105

  • proudyungerman
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truthaintflashy wrote on 09 Sep 2024 15:32:
In TBOTG in several places shmuzes from theshmuz.com are referenced.  It seems like a lot of them are missing on the site, at least when I choose "The Shmuz" --> "By Number" (e.g. in chapter 45: Shmuz 39: “I Need Needs”  isn't there)

There's no search function either. How do I find these shmuzes? 

Maybe email the author of the book? Seems like he's a talmid...
Feel free to reach out and say hi!
proudyungerman@gmail.com
406-219-8398

My Journey:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/406231-The-Real-Me

Re: seeking help again i guess 09 Sep 2024 19:35 #421114

proudyungerman wrote on 09 Sep 2024 18:53:



Maybe email the author of the book? Seems like he's a talmid...

Hillel S.

Not seeing an email address anywhere.  Did some Googling and couldn't find a website or anything.
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 09 Sep 2024 20:05 #421117

  • BenHashemBH
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It's hidden on page 15
TheBattleOfTheGeneration@gmail.com

You could also email The Shmuz
office@theshmuz.com

Hatzlacha!
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.

A little about what I'm doing here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2024 20:08 by BenHashemBH.

Re: seeking help again i guess 15 Sep 2024 13:43 #421522

I made a topic and now my sense of shame is stopping me from reading the replies
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.

Re: seeking help again i guess 18 Sep 2024 13:57 #421794

You know filter-poking?  Well I've been doing some conscience-poking...managed to refute all the "loopholes" to fantasy but got kinda worked up today and yesterday.  b''h I'm in the habit of letting it pass without doing anything, but the inner garments of my soul are a mess, and I did less of the positive things I like to do, maybe because of this.

There's a facet to this that I'm uncomfortable sharing...I have a BT problem and a just-plain-crazy-human problem, that it's easy to blame for my being single at my age (which is late for the observant, about on-par for everyone else).

Oh, thanks for the negative karma, keep it coming

60th post -- ben shishim lezikna -- maybe I should draw a beard on the cat
It took a lot of trying, succeeding, failing, succeeding some more, failing some more, finding "substitute addictions", letting go of them, finding them again, losing my mind a couple of times, etc. etc. b''h I'm alive and happy, but I still have my work cut out for me.
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