I am b''h 11 days clean. and i thank hashem with all my hart for this success.
but the story is that in all of this 11 days I didn't have any urge at all. it even starts to feel like this problem is completely gone, (which is most prob not the case). and I am very scared of the moment when this urges will come flying in my face, and they usually come in groups. I dont have menucha from this fear. i cant focus and be happy with my accomplishment cause this fear keeps popping in to my mind.
any thoughts on how to deal with this fear?
also how can i prepare myself for the urges that will most probably come back?
f2f program really helps. but i am sensing a storm and i feel i need something to feel strong (maybe someone can tell me which specific clip from f2f will be good for my situation)
its always great to hear advice from the intelligent people hear.

crispy wrote on 19 Sep 2023 17:22:

One of the best tools an accountability partner.
Someone that you can reach out to for a little chizuk when you see the storm clouds on the horizon.
A little shmoozing with the right person  can often  make the storm blow off course

Couldnt agree more!

Same here!

are u guys talking about actually talking to someone on the phone about this?
I would never be able to do it.

crispy wrote on 19 Sep 2023 22:57:

Welcome!

Forget about calling for now. It’s terrifying you. Focus on learning as much as you can from the oilam and this site. Work hard on putting it into play.

There are many steps you will take in your journey. One day, it may or may not lead you to actually pick up the phone, but right now that shouldn't concern you. 

Grant400 wrote on 20 Sep 2023 00:35:

so do they have an option of having someone follow my falls and wins in an anonymous way?

crispy wrote on 19 Sep 2023 22:57:

Thats exactly how I felt

If you are not up to taking to someone about this, you can try either talking to someone about other things. Just to connect to another person. Shmooze with a friend. They say they opposite of addiction is connection. 

Another thing you can do is write about your feelings,  and you can hare here in writing. It can also help you work through feelings, clarify your thoughts, and see what the great people here respond...

crispy wrote on 20 Sep 2023 02:47:

Yup. All of us. Right here.

crispy wrote on 19 Sep 2023 22:57:

You can also connect with the chat box, although conversation is a bit choppy and the emojis arent perfect.

hashem is מקדים רפואה למכה. had i not share my feeling hare yesterday, i would probably have a massive fall last night. but in the end i am very proud of what happened, and i want to share it with the oilem.
sorry for not sharing the whole story. i just erased a long story that took me 5 minutes to write down, because it belongs in the balei batim forum and it might be a trigger for people that are not married. but the point is that i felt really hurt from my wife and that triggered me to have crazy urges. and b''h thanx to all of your chizuk i not only didnt do p&m but i managed to put my hurt feelings aside and do some special nice things to give away from myself and work on my marriage.

Glad to hear that you were able to pass that test!
It may help to try posting on this thread daily (even very short posts) just to let everyone here know how things are going, it will help you let off steam and express your feeling when things are hard, and also act as a level of accountability.
For the next few days when things may get hard, one thing I found helpful was to remember that it usually only last 2 or 3 days. It won't be endless drowning in urges (though the Yetzer doesn't go away and you definitely will have urges later on, the 2-3 week withdrawal period for me is always the hardest). plan a lot of being with other people during the day and night (or whatever times are usually difficult for you).
Hatzlachah rabbah!
We're all rooting for you!

accountabilty partner with someone you actually know (or get to know) and obviously trust is a really helpful plan.
also f2f isnt one clip that helps its the whole picture of you and your situation which you need to figure out and tailor to yourself. its afull program and work
hatzlacha raba gmar chasima tova!

crispy wrote on 20 Sep 2023 14:58:

Beautiful! keep the posts coming!