Hi! It’s my first time posting on the forum and I feel a bit strange, but hey Lichora this is what Hashe-m wants so here goes:
I’m Yitz. I grew up in a very moderntype family within a great frum community in America. We kept Shabbos (Shabbat then) to the extent we knew, and kashrus in the house, but would eat dairy out. The men in my family would go to shul on Shabbos morning. When I was in about 8th grade I started becoming frummer- this is much do the the amazing program my shul had for bar mitzvah boys. We made Tzitzis, learned together and had a great time. My parents also happened to have gotten divorced about 2 years prior. I had always been drawn a bit more to spirituality and even when I was young always enjoyed Hebrew classes in the school I went to. To make a long story short, BH I am now learning in one of the mainstream post high school yeshivos and shteiging tremendously, and am considered one of the top guys.
I was first exposed to shmutz in 8th grade and have been interacting with it ever since. First it was inappropriate accounts on Instagram, then other social media until eventually full pornography. I used to feel terrible after but once I was still struggling in 12th grade I was becoming much more numbed to it. My first year in Yeshiva I got a streak of 100 days! Then I gave into a taavah and my highest streak since then has been maybe 40 days, and that hasn’t  happened frequently. I would say even in yeshiva I look at untznius images and masturbate once every 2 weeks. I just can’t seem to break free. And bein hazmanim is much worse. My Yetzer Harah is mamash so creative- I have no safari on my phone, and still he manages to find every possible way of seeing bad things. That is where I’m currently holding.
So hopefully this will help me like I have read it helped so many others. If anyone has advice please feel free to help. I really just want to be the baalim over myself. I want to be in control, and this must stop before I start dating in a few years. Thanks for listening!

I feel you, I struggled for a long time too, you've definitely come to the right place, there are tons of people here that want to help you.

Reach out to me if you need anything.

Hatzlacha!

Yitz18 wrote on 08 Jun 2023 21:51:

Hi Yitz, for me "I really just want to be the baalim over myself" was also a huge factor for me. Since joining and working hard on GYE about a month ago, including the forums, F2F, talking to veterans on the phone and in person, things have been so much better, and easier, than with kabbalos. I don't feel I'm killing myself not to watch, and it's wonderful (and maybe essential) to have friends going at it together. 
Good to have you

Yitz18 wrote on 08 Jun 2023 21:51:

May be the reason that the Internet browser is called safari is because it’s full of animals

Welcome, my friend! This place has a lot of great things to learn, so stick around and get to know the chevrah. Fighting alongside others changes everything! So keep posting, share whatever is on your mind. We are here for you, we care about you and we want to hear from you. Keep us in the loop!

Yitz18 wrote on 08 Jun 2023 21:51:

Sounds a lot like my story and that is one of the wonderful things about GYE. Yes, each person's story is unique and has elements that are not in common with others, but there is so much overlap. You are not alone.


I know a lot of us wish that we would have addressed these issues before we were married/married with children and I commend you for having that as your goal. The fact you have posted here is already a huge step in the right direction. Keep shteiging!

Welcome!

You came to the right place. Stick around and you can do great things!

Welcome.
I'm pretty new here, too.
It's terrible lonely struggling all on your own. I think you will discover, as I did,  that it's a tremendous feeling to know you have friends who understand what you're going through.  And there are great people to help you find new ways to grow in so many ways. There are many door that are open here, maybe in places that you thought were shut forever. There is hope !
Welcome!