Only a few days without YouTube and it feels forever....

Constant urges, getting stronger and then subsiding... rising again... reaching the peak... dropping back down and disappearing....
This is what my energy is being spent on the past few days, Yes as bad as it sounds...
I should be focusing on my wife, and her needs, she's after giving birth and shes in pain, but her poor husband, whos going crazy being by his in-laws (they are wonderful people, but whoever's been through this know how it is, having privacy and independence is better than helpful shviger... but she is needed more...) doesn't know how to help himself better (this is what he feels sometimes).
Hes between urges for lust, and urges for GYE, all the time, It's hard for him to deal with his wifes pain, hes feeling that his heart is reaching full capacity...

I know this will go by, but after it goes by, it comes back... I see no end... yes life is a roller-coaster and I'm going through the tumbleovers now

May you all have a great day...

Oy, my friend, I feel for you. I'm sorry for the pain and the hard urges. BeH you'll be fine, things will be better, and yes, the tunnel really does end somewhere. Keep at the wonderful work, and you will continue growing stronger and stronger. Keep trucking!

Wow. you're amazing!

true_self wrote on 08 Jun 2023 19:10:

I think I know what you mean... But in a way I think youtube makes it harder overall, I guess thats why you stopped. B'kitzur I don't know how to give chizzuk, but I wish you hatzlacha, it sounds like you are doing everything right! Keep it up! Let us know how hard it is! Let us know if it gets easy too

richtig wrote on 08 Jun 2023 20:52:

We are here with you. feeling along. take my hand...
Dont forget to ask the Rebono Shel Olam for help...

It might help to make extra effort to make genuine eye contact with your wife. Feel  a genuine connection, helps on a lot of levels, at least it does for me. It's a hard time....

I found an old poem I wrote when I had my first child, asking Hashem to help me not fall... remembering how rough it was... feeling along...

Hang on... you can make it

Stay in touch - you are  special

First I want to thank Eerie, Chaimoigen, richtig & EC, for all support you're giving me all the time.

I thank Hashem for another beautiful week, I had a lot of tough moments but I grew a lot from them as well, here I summarized some of the happenings:
- I blocked YouTube, a huge step which I did not think I'd be able to do, a week ago.
- Had a few eye opening conversations with my wife, learning to understand her better.
- I setted a goal for 40 days, with a award awaiting when I reach beH (also smaller treats every 10 day milstone)
- I've created accountability, on the internet, on the street before facing possible challenges, and also on GYE (to limit time wasting).

I'm now in a rush, its before shabbos and I dont have anymore time to think about more things, so beH will add after shabbos.

Thanks to all guys here, I keep on going, and I'm ready to welcome a holy, calm & relaxing Shabbos, no internet, no gye, real menucha...

Gut Shabbos!!!

Yesmichu Bemalchuscha!
You are the champion! You are rising like an eagle, soaring to Shmayim!
Gut Shabbos!

Absolutely incredible, have a good shabbos!

true_self wrote on 09 Jun 2023 17:48:

Sounds good! Would you share the awards? I am trying to think of some

Mazel Tov on your wise and courageous decision to block YouTube. May Hashem help you get through the "withdrawal" stage easily. Look forward iyh to loads of menuchas hanefesh from the disconnect.

Huge decision, with "huger" outcomes.

Amazing and awe-inspiring! 

Treat yourself to a good drink over shabbos.

L'chaim!

Day 7 (1 week)
- Shmiras einayim on the street is escalating (probably because I got back to reality, after quitting the virtual screen lust, to some degree, in addition to the warm weather).
- Had many strong waves of urges to watch porn again, plus, many flashbacks of erotic scenes that refuse to leave my mind.
- Have no more easy outlet for stress anxiety etc., so I gotta learn the real way to deal with them.
- I feel much more stronger, and its easier for me to get up after a fall.
- I try to check in with a friend at the end of a day, to reflect on how it went.
- My wife feels that I'm more present, and do not run to the screen every spare (never really spare) minute that I have .

I know that its all normal and expected, on the journey to freedom, especially in the beginning.
Thanks to all amazing friends here (and especially Eerie), I can only do it with your continuous help & support.
The positivity and achievements are HIGH and the expectations are LOW!
True self

for stress outlets, having music on all the time was a big help for me. also adding a daily seder (even five minutes) in anything you are interested in can work.

Exercise is great, too.

Not necessarily for exercise, (but it can be), having a scheduled to time to take a walk with your wife can be a game changer. It puts connecting in a positive way into your routine, even if you're just enjoying the company without talking.... Many studies show that walking has incredible benefits to physical, mental and psychological health and this way you can add the benefit to your relationship that comes of actively making time for each other. too. 
(p.s. Onah actually means "time" ואיכמ״ל)

Keep it up! You are truly doing an amazing job!

Music, daily seder even if only 5 minutes, helps me add a lot of positivity in my day