Shmuu wrote on 12 Jun 2023 20:02:

Wow that's a great perspective thanks!

You say "we," do you want to share more?

yitz23 wrote on 12 Jun 2023 17:31:


Wow!
I was going to tell you to celebrate by staying up all night and learning, but perhaps that's not such a great idea...
But you should definitely celebrate!
KUTGW and KOMT!

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 12 Jun 2023 21:15:

I was going to try to make a lechaim with you on night 37 because of gevurah shebiyesod, but I was spacing out too much.

Snooze you lose I guess.

They thought us it’s never to late to make a l’chaim

They thought us it’s never to late to make a l’chaim

yitz23 wrote on 08 Jun 2023 15:26:

It's actually amazing how special the folks here are.
Deeply feeling, keenly thinking, growing, striving, shining, yearning, burning, healing, soaring, rising souls....
So special. Mind-blowing, actually. Wish I had gotten to know you long ago.

I don't think it's only about being susceptible to struggles in the sexual arena, (though having a Neshoma rooted in Yesod may have something to do with it). I think it may be also because the agony and ecstasy of a Neshoma on fire, pushing back against the darkness, burns very bright. Our internal life is developed in so many ways that we wouldn't be without the Nisyonos. Working out every day on the treadmill and obstacle course of the soul gives us far more development than one would get merely lounging on the couch of life... I think this grants us greater opportunities to accomplish, too...

Yitz, you are the champion! You keep trucking onwards against adversity, leaning and pushing forward against the hot wind blowing sand in your face. Your 49 days, your decision to delete those numbers, your honesty and growth is massive. You are the Colossus holding up the world. And giving me Chizzuk. 
Gonna be a great day. Thank you!   

Yeshiva is really going particularly poorly as of late.

I have shown up to first seder once in the past 2-3 weeks, and second seder has been getting shorter and shorter. And I don't do night seder.

I don't at all enjoy learning with either of my chavrusos. In the ecosystem I'm in though, there is no easy way for me to find other options. (And anyway, my track record is so bad, who would want to learn with me now anyway?)

There are certain things I can do (like hanging a classified on the bulletin board), but I'm sort of getting used to staying in bed till lunchtime (or later) every day. 

I want to start learning something like mussar/machshava/chassidus at some point during the day, but again, finding a study partner wouldn't be easy.

I hope to start to meet potential marriage partners in the coming few weeks, and I would much prefer to have these meetings when I'm feeling otherwise generally productive.

The only thing going well for me now is my masturbation abstinence. But the good thing is that while in the past having such a situation would have me falling apart emotionally, now I feel okay pretty much, despite my frustration.

Sounds tough, its amazing that you can refrain from masturbation even with the frustrating situation you are in.

I wish you all the best with meeting potential marriage partners. I’m curious who will be the lucky one to get you….!

Thanks
If anybody wants to send a resume, feel free to PM!!

Wow Yitz you keep on amazing is anew each day keep up the great work! Hashem should help you should get out of your situation asap I know it’s hell when you don’t have a good chavrusa cuz then you have no motivation to get outta bed…
well I can send resumes but no pics

Wow, just keep pushing, I know you have what it takes!

Chazak, my friend. Torah has a way of being Mechayeh us. May I suggest the following? Pick a Sefer the you really connect with, and a time that it's realistic for you to make an extremely short Seder {10 min?} in it. Insert that, as a commitment, in a time that is "dead" for you now - sometime on the morning , or similar. You may find, I think, that the learning itself will open up your motivation and connection to it, in a way that nothing else can.......

Question for you guys:

I have a feeling that I've been noticing lately and I wanted to hear everyone's thoughts and whether you guys can relate.

When I see a guy that I am very attracted to, I have a feeling on intense longing and emptiness. I feel a little inadequate next to them, and that if I would only "have" them, I would feel complete and full as a human. This yearning is so strong that it is painful.

(Before you all jump on me - I know that this is only fantasy and that getting to know them or even having sex with them would not help me at all. I'm just talking for my feeling. If I were a poet I would write a poem about it.)

I'm looking to hear from both guys who are straight and guys with SSA to hear if they can relate to this.

Please share your thoughts!

Exactly!

Sounds like a similar feeling to how straight guys feel when they see certain girls-
(problem is, the girl likely won't be attracted to him if he needs her that much, only if he's okay without her... paradox).