From July 2023 - In all my years when rosh chodesh av came around on the calendar, the sense of loss for the bais hamikdash took a distinct background to the dread brought on by knowing that Elul and yomim noraim were just around the corner and wondering how I could possibly face Hashem after another year of abject failure. The last couple of years as I shed tears (and doing so now) on RH & YK (I used to have to bring my personal box of tissues to neilah) I told Hashem that I have tried to stop and had not found a way. I said at this point I am putting myself in your hands since I had nowhere else to turn. "Randomly" this year I had started to listen to the Halacha Headlines program. In February the program included an interview with the founders of GYE. It was an absolute eye opener and tremendous chizzuk just knowing that I was far from alone in this struggle! It is beyond the scope of my writing skills to try and capture the concept that I am within realistic reach of coming into Elul with a 6 month streak
I just hit 570 days and am on the verge of going into a second RH/YK clean! I recently heard a shiur from Rav Wallerstein zt"l that really is applicable to all of us in this fight especially to those who have lost the battle multiple times and feel like there is no hope. He speaks to the thought that I have highlighted note above. If it worked for me after 40+ years it can work for anyone! Keep fighting!
There is a shorter version on utube that you can find by searching "wallerstein keys story" (GYE - doesn't allow including a link to a youtube video)
Longer version (and those who don't want to go on YouTube) - the main story is in the first 15 minutes:
torahanytime.com/lectures/194446