your success is a big chizuk for me,
Thanks for sharing 

You are not alone. I started my active addiction in my mid 50's, seven years ago, when I was really feeling down about my life situation. But Baruch Hashem, I am doing really fantastic now, thanks to Hashem and my program of recovery. It is working for me. I a happy to share more if you are interested. 

It's been almost 4 months since I last posted and closing in on 500 days! I had the absolute honor and privilege to speak to someone on the phone today who has been fighting this fight for longer than I have. The ability to give over that the fight is worthwhile was so rewarding!  

I really encourage everyone to sign up for the daily וימאן WhattsApp. You can sign up on www.vayimaen.org/

I have found the daily dose of inspiration while eating breakfast is a great start to the day!

From July 2023 - In all my years when rosh chodesh av  came around on the calendar, the sense of loss for the bais hamikdash took a distinct background to the dread brought on by knowing that Elul and yomim noraim were just around the corner and wondering how I could possibly face Hashem after another year of abject failure.  The last couple of years as I shed tears (and doing so now) on RH & YK (I used to have to bring my personal box of tissues to neilah)  I told Hashem that I have tried to stop and had not found a way. I said at this point I am putting myself in your hands since I had nowhere else to turn. "Randomly" this year I had started to listen to the Halacha Headlines program. In February the program included an interview with the founders of GYE.  It was an absolute eye opener and tremendous chizzuk just knowing that I was far from alone in this struggle! It is beyond the scope of my writing skills to try and capture the concept that I am within realistic reach of coming into Elul with a 6 month streak

I just hit 570 days and am on the verge of going into a second RH/YK clean! I recently heard a shiur from Rav Wallerstein zt"l that really is applicable to all of us in this fight especially to those who have lost the battle multiple times and feel like there is no hope. He speaks to the thought that I have highlighted note above. If it worked for me after 40+ years it can work for anyone! Keep fighting! 

There is a shorter version on utube that you can find by searching "wallerstein keys story" (GYE - doesn't allow including a link to a youtube video)
Longer version (and those who don't want to go on YouTube) - the main story is in the first 15 minutes: torahanytime.com/lectures/194446

Wow I'm in awe of you. 
To be able to fight this monster (and I use that term with all the definitions possible) is a huge HUGE deal. 
You have been misgaber on the yetzer hara. 
You have stepped up to the plate and smashed it out of the ballpark. 
570 days of winning. Unbelievable. 
I am truly respectful of your accomplishments. 
It gives me great hope. 

I am at the beginning of my journey. Today is the 19th day.
I hope to get into RH which without me knowing when I started, will be the 30th day. 

May Hashem shower you with Baracha Ad Beli Dai for your tremendous win over the yetzer hara. 

The Gra says that a person's tafkid on this world is to change his bad middos. 
Looks like you are a gigantic huge WINNER. 

I had a streak of 800 days and then on day 801 I fell and fell and fell.......

I had some strange urges over the last few weeks that I was able to shrug off relatively easily. It should have raised a red flag to reach out to someone but after such a long streak I was too overconfident. I was in front of a device last Wednesday and was overtaken by the urge to determine whether it was filtered. Anyways, I went down the rabbit hole and spent several days underground catching up on what I missed for the last 2+ years! OUCH!!!!!! I got through Shabbos including Motzei Shabbos and thought I was ready to get a new streak going but Sunday was again a bad day. BH yesterday I was finally able to get a hold of myself and let sanity back in. Yesterday was a real battle. Today was not necessarily easy but definitely better. I have taken steps to deal with the specific device that caused the issue. 

I can say that if not for GYE I definitely would not have achieved the 800 day streak and this setback would have completely shattered me. Coming back here and being able to be open about what happened is a lifesaver. I am still incredibly proud and amazed by what I accomplished in having well over 2 years clean when I consider my past history. I am confident (but not overconfident) that the new streak that I am starting will lead to even greater accomplishments. I will not let this setback get me down! The way I look at it is that in the last 815 days I have a success rate of over 99%! 

Still processing and will check back in. 

As disappointed as I am with what happened, I firmly believe that I can and will get right back on track. Now that my eyes have been opened to what it means to be clean in all areas of life, I'll never let the YH saddle me with the Yiush that used to be over my head like a 10,000 pound weight.

eraygrand wrote on 14 May 2025 13:09:

Here's a warm hand!

Your situation is different than a regular guy who has a big streak and falls. 800 plus days makes you a different person than you were before.  What you did wasn't ok, and you need to learn the lessons you can from it, do Teshuva, and go forward a better person. But it does not define you.  You used to be a person with a problem. Now you are a person who lives clean, soaring with Tahara, in the clear blue.... This is the YOU  that will learn and grow from this episode, a fall על דרך המקרה. Go onwards and upwards!

Chaim Oigen

eraygrand wrote on 13 May 2025 22:19:

HUG!!!  And when you finish crying it out, just get up and do what needs to be done. Those 800 days are your constant reminder that it can be done  b'ezras Hashem. Iyh when you hit 8,000 you will remember that way back there, there was one short tekufa of disappointment - a bump in the road.

eraygrand wrote on 13 May 2025 22:19:

Wow... You are a real inspiration for me and I am sure for many others as well!
I love this last sentence you wrote. 
This is another post I would love to save in "my favorite posts"... A GYE-moderator said they'll consider adding this feature when they revamp the entire website sometime soon. Let's hope...