I was just with a relative of mine who is very good looking. Many times I would fantasize about him and get aroused often to the point of "M". I dont see him often and whenever I do it is a challenge for me. 
THIS time was different. Why you ask? (you DID ask, right?)
Because I felt like this wasnt just me anymore. I'm part of a club that makes it their business to fight this YH.
It became OUR fight. When people are part of a club they staunchly adhere to the rules. Theres a momentum to do the "in" thing of the club. Usually its not good to just "do what everyone does because thats what everyone does". But here as I was talking to him I really remember thinking "I am now part of a holy group that does their utmost to say NO to their base desires". So, while in days past I wouldve spent the whole schmooze with him looking at his face and getting pleasure, this time I looked away as much as was politely possible. It was hard. MAN was it hard!! This is what i had always done!! My whole life before marriage i would never look at girls (which at some point worried me, was i attracted to them?) but I would look at boys plenty and that gave me pleasure (and subjects for fantasy in dreams that would end with a wet morning). I never said to myself "this is wrong". I just did it and hated myself for being "off". But I always knew it was wrong deep down and im sure that added to the self loathing in a big way. It also seemed impossible to stop because hey, I wasnt DOING anything. I never touched a boy in a sexual way EVER so how bad could it be to just enjoy looking at their faces...because it was such a vague issur (assur to be mistakel at anashim? i didnt think so) I didnt think i had to stop. all that changed last week when i joined GYE. Its not always about assur. and its definately not about yelling at yourself "ASSUR!!". Its about who am i? who is my "club"? whats the "in" thing of my club? For me, it was to say NO, Im better than that. I belong to a group thats fighting so im not going to give in to something that is going to excite me even if TECHNICALLY its not assur.
I felt all of you (whoever you all actually are) behind me saying "hey ploni (my parents named me ploni what can i do?), this is not us. Do it for the team!" And I did! First time IN MY LIFE was makpid not to benefit from looking at a handsome boy
Thank you all
Thank you Hashem  

I was just with a relative of mine who is very good looking. Many times I would fantasize about him and get aroused often to the point of "M". I dont see him often and whenever I do it is a challenge for me. 
THIS time was different. Why you ask? (you DID ask, right?)
Because I felt like this wasnt just me anymore. I'm part of a club that makes it their business to fight this YH.
It became OUR fight. When people are part of a club they staunchly adhere to the rules. Theres a momentum to do the "in" thing of the club. Usually its not good to just "do what everyone does because thats what everyone does". But here as I was talking to him I really remember thinking "I am now part of a holy group that does their utmost to say NO to their base desires". So, while in days past I wouldve spent the whole schmooze with him looking at his face and getting pleasure, this time I looked away as much as was politely possible. It was hard. MAN was it hard!! This is what i had always done!! My whole life before marriage i would never look at girls (which at some point worried me, was i attracted to them?) but I would look at boys plenty and that gave me pleasure (and subjects for fantasy in dreams that would end with a wet morning). I never said to myself "this is wrong". I just did it and hated myself for being "off". But I always knew it was wrong deep down and im sure that added to the self loathing in a big way. It also seemed impossible to stop because hey, I wasnt DOING anything. I never touched a boy in a sexual way EVER so how bad could it be to just enjoy looking at their faces...because it was such a vague issur (assur to be mistakel at anashim? i didnt think so) I didnt think i had to stop. all that changed last week when i joined GYE. Its not always about assur. and its definately not about yelling at yourself "ASSUR!!". Its about who am i? who is my "club"? whats the "in" thing of my club? For me, it was to say NO, Im better than that. I belong to a group thats fighting so im not going to give in to something that is going to excite me even if TECHNICALLY its not assur.
I felt all of you (whoever you all actually are) behind me saying "hey ploni (my parents named me ploni what can i do?), this is not us. Do it for the team!" And I did! First time IN MY LIFE was makpid not to benefit from looking at a handsome boy
Thank you all
Thank you Hashem  

Yeshayahu 41:6 wrote on 20 Feb 2023 12:48:

whats karma?

Yeshayahu 41:6 wrote on 20 Feb 2023 12:48:

If I may, My dear friend, I'm not sure why the system of karma exists, and we shouldn't be putting too much thought into what other people think about us, or whether they agree with us. If anybody wants to disagree with something you say they can post so respectfully on the forum. And if they agree they can hit the thank you button. My two cents.

Hi Yeshayahu. 
A new start. A fresh life now.
The old book is closed. 

You are superman 
flying above the mundane
above the angels

Enjoy 

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/23-Just-Having-Fun/148185-GYE-Haiku

I was just with a relative of mine who is very good looking. Many times I would fantasize about him and get aroused often to the point of "M". I dont see him often and whenever I do it is a challenge for me. 
THIS time was different. Why you ask? (you DID ask, right?)
Because I felt like this wasnt just me anymore. I'm part of a club that makes it their business to fight this YH.
It became OUR fight. When people are part of a club they staunchly adhere to the rules. Theres a momentum to do the "in" thing of the club. Usually its not good to just "do what everyone does because thats what everyone does". But here as I was talking to him I really remember thinking "I am now part of a holy group that does their utmost to say NO to their base desires". So, while in days past I wouldve spent the whole schmooze with him looking at his face and getting pleasure, this time I looked away as much as was politely possible. It was hard. MAN was it hard!! This is what i had always done!! My whole life before marriage i would never look at girls (which at some point worried me, was i attracted to them?) but I would look at boys plenty and that gave me pleasure (and subjects for fantasy in dreams that would end with a wet morning). I never said to myself "this is wrong". I just did it and hated myself for being "off". But I always knew it was wrong deep down and im sure that added to the self loathing in a big way. It also seemed impossible to stop because hey, I wasnt DOING anything. I never touched a boy in a sexual way EVER so how bad could it be to just enjoy looking at their faces...because it was such a vague issur (assur to be mistakel at anashim? i didnt think so) I didnt think i had to stop. all that changed last week when i joined GYE. Its not always about assur. and its definately not about yelling at yourself "ASSUR!!". Its about who am i? who is my "club"? whats the "in" thing of my club? For me, it was to say NO, Im better than that. I belong to a group thats fighting so im not going to give in to something that is going to excite me even if TECHNICALLY its not assur.
I felt all of you (whoever you all actually are) behind me saying "hey ploni (my parents named me ploni what can i do?), this is not us. Do it for the team!" And I did! First time IN MY LIFE was makpid not to benefit from looking at a handsome boy
Thank you all
Thank you Hashem  

sorry if i offended any hindus here! )

Greatly appreciate all the support!!
Here's my third (i think) tech question: My wife cant discover that im on this site or i'm a dead duck. does anyone know of a way to access this forum, or at least the PMs from my flip phone?

For me, stopping to masturbate forever is PEANUTS compared to letting my wife in on this.
As of now, every time I go to GYE i need to erase browsing history lest she see it.
when i go to my new undercover email address i need to keep signing put.
Its like putting on tefillin in a cold dark cellar in Spain during the Inquisition (ok not really)