thanks for the encouragement, foolie. 

just got this gem from the wife " i got your message, stop talking to me about it. you are ruining my life!"  *slams door*

i am hiding in my basement waiting for this friend of hers to leave. 

it's been 9 freaking hours. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would still caution against burning down the city in anger just yet but all I can say is this wonderful gem that you’ll find in my signature life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person

went to an SA meeting, feeling better. 
very, very grateful that wife's friend no longer going to be hanging out at my house all day every day no more. 

spoke to her husband and cleaned up the situation a bit. 

came home and found my wife sleeping in the guest room. 

yay...

Damn

ilovehashem247 wrote on 24 Jul 2024 03:22:

What would have happened, were you to have gone to sleep in the guest room with her. Would she have looked at that as a good thing or a bad thing?

You situation is so painful.
Your wife was filling some major need with this friend. Do you know what that is? The need will have to be addressed to avoid her feeling stuck or finding the next thing that (she thinks) gives her what she is seeking.
Hatzlacha

Glad to hear you ain't dead yet.

Sounds like a really tough situation. 

bad, she wanted her space

chosemyshem wrote on 24 Jul 2024 13:25:

the need to have support in her life. 
hi, i am her husband
not a eunich

Shalom iloveHashem,
Did you have a conversation with your wife? I hope things turn around for you soon.
Kol tov

so it's been a wild week or two. 
wife calmed down a bit, and reached out to her  [very limited] support network. we are both ralizing now just how insanely codependant this friend of hers is. for example, said friend called wife 5 times in a row until she answered then cried to her "how is it fair that i cannot come to your house and carpool but you are  carpooling with someone else's kids?!" 

Happy to have kept a distance.  

went to a [very expensive] couples' therapist last week and it was a very intense intake. she came out very happy i came out head spinning. 

went to an SA meeting this morning where there were two frum women - one of whom shared that she was 1.5 years sober but struggling /obsessing/fantasizing about rekindling an old relationship with a woman from her past. took a lot of guys to say that in a room full of male "sexaholics." especially as a frum woman (i think maybe chasidish even), to be talking about SSA... really humanized her in my eyes and helped me see her as a person and not an object. 

dealing with cleaning up some of the wreckage of my past, although it is expensive and annoying, i am glad to be putting these things behind me. 

also, I bought a small boat with some [non-SA] friends. Any ideas of what to name it? 

also just want to bring to light that we have my niece (wife's oldest sister's daughters) staying by us until the end of august for camp. 
She is a younger version of my wife in looks and personality
struggling with lust, fantasy, flirting. 
surrendering it to my network. hate to feel like "that creep"
Hashem should help me see her as a person and clean up my stinkin' thinkin'
Amen

ILH, 
wow just wow. the energy you have! 
That problem with your niece is painfull for me to think. I am terribly afraid to be in such a predicament.
 But since you are in one already, sit and think for five seconds with your head (the one on your neck).
Do you even remotely want something to happen? even as much as a touch? now, you might get excited and your heart might start pumping but think thru the haze of lust, really? do you want to destroy everything? your life, her life, your family, you know it much better then anyone. ITS NOT WORTH IT! be a man and not a guy, a an uncle and not a creep, a husband and not a traitor. 
This will pass and you will be the happier the less you think and fantasize about this.


Be strong now, Hashem is here.

ilovehashem247 wrote on 07 Aug 2024 01:47:

Whats wrong with ILH247 ?

ilovehashem247 wrote on 07 Aug 2024 01:50:

Ah wive's nieces. Not so much of a relative that there's an instinctive non-lusting for them (especially if they were older when you joined the family or you didn't see them growing up much) - but still such a close relative that you feel like "that creep" if you feel lust for them. (And like, to be totally honest, it is kinda creepy.)

I feel you on this one. Didn't realize how much this bothered me till this post resonated very deeply. Thank you for sharing it.


Also, congrats on the boat. Boats are fun. I vote for "Jonah's White Whale" but only if someone who owns it is named Yona.