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TOPIC: The story of my struggles 2976 Views
Re: The story of my struggles 22 May 2023 21:50 #396028
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Re: The story of my struggles 12 Jun 2023 14:54 #397350
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Re: The story of my struggles 12 Jun 2023 14:57 #397351
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Re: The story of my struggles 12 Jun 2023 15:14 #397353
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Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com
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Re: The story of my struggles 12 Jun 2023 23:14 #397402
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Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com
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Re: The story of my struggles 22 Nov 2024 13:46 #425635
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iwillmanage wrote on 17 May 2023 13:58:
iwillmanage wrote on 16 May 2023 20:15: It seems that opening up to someone on the phone and being answerable and accountable to him was all I needed to keep myself on the track I want to be. As long as I was in it on my own, however much I wanted to, I couldn't find the self – control I needed to hold myself back. The power of connection here is huge. I should have been clearer about what's helped me, maybe it'll help others. It wasn't just the 'opening up' on its own, the effects of that would have faded long ago. It's the daily accountability; keeping the connection alive and knowing that I'll have to send a text of how the day went makes me think twice before I act on a whim to get my fix. I can say with almost certainty that if not for that I'd be right back to where I left off 101 days ago, there've been many opportunities for that. But See iwillmanage wrote on 22 Nov 2024 10:10: It's worth mentioning that even in the 'post HHM era' there are those that don't find recovery until joining SA. I think there's a risk here of people not making progress, falling again and again whilst being injected with the constant chizzuk boosts of 'you're winning if you're fighting' and the like, and they're sure that if the HHM method works for others it must work for them too. It doesn't occur to them that for whatever reason, they're case might be different. That was my experience in any case. Being in touch with HHM daily for months but not breaking free (although I was 'clean' for a few months), I didn't dream that I was different to the others who it was working for. Better off, in fact. I'm grateful to him and others for suggesting that I join SA where I found my path to recovery. I'll be celebrating 6 months in a few days. R' I Will Manage perhaps you can clarify the change - how the "HHM method" worked for you, how it didn't work for you, why you decided to move to SA, and how SA helped in a way that the HHM method didn't? I think there'd be an enormous toeles to the rabim. And mazel tov on the six months! (And the 100 days then too  )
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Links: TBOTG (and a peirush); F2F Program; Hall of Fame thread; Dov's 12 Step Workshop recordings; Welcome New Members; Muttel's Bochur Schmooze; The Easy-Peasy book; The Big Book (a pdf version) (and the White); Markz's compilation thread; Accountability relationships;
Me: My trip. Please feel free to reach out. CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE VAAD PROJECT. HERE is an explanation of the Project. |
Re: The story of my struggles 27 Nov 2024 10:08 #425903
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Some nice questions, Shem, though I'm not sure answering them will be as much of a toieles as you make out. I'll only be adding to the great cholent of experiences to be found on the forum and confuse the oilom even more as they try to figure out the question of all questions, 'Am I an addict?'. It's so easy to try and match one's own experience to the stories you read about on the forum, but the truth is the picture you get from reading someone's posts doesn't begin to portray who they actually are or the true nature of their struggles. I know I would have saved myself a lot of agmas nefesh if I would have focused more on myself and what works for me instead of seeing myself in terms of what I read about here. There's a lot of aspects to my story, I personally don't want to go into great detail of all my deviant and depraved activities, nor can I give you an accurate picture of the reckless risks I was taking daily or how my obsession was taking over my life in every way.
I joined SA because HHM advised me to. Dov, cordnoy and my Rov also strongly advised it, (although as far as I could see, they all had their own take on me and SA). I didn't want to go, I didn't think I had to. But I went, and came to see why they were right. You've brought me back to this thread, but I hadn't been planning on revisiting it. Reading those posts you quoted on reaching 100 days reminded me of those confused and troubled times when I felt horrible in myself, sad and helpless. I was very superficially clean, the obsession was growing massively, and when I did fall again I experienced the obsession with an intensity like never before, (there's the toxicity to lust, especially strong after abstaining for a while). So thank you for the opportunity to reflect a bit on how I've progressed since then. In SA I began to face myself, accept myself, I learnt what honesty was and also underwent an in-depth ego deflation. I had thought I was 'it'. Better and different to the rest, could do the heck I wanted and immune to the consequences. I faced my relationship with Hashem, my wife and those around me, and it's only beginning. Occasionally it feels like I'm putting myself through my own soul-surgery without painkillers, but the rewards are priceless. To live grounded in reality, free from the hellish obsession and all it brings one day at a time. And to experience growth from where I'm at. Thanks for letting me share!  If not for anyone else, there was toieles for me. So thanks! |
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