Healthy “guilt” is important. As the Nesivos Shalom writes in Parshas Noach, the guilty feelings we have are a gift from Hashem that come from the inherent good inside every Jew. Indeed, he writes, a Jew who does not have these feelings anymore, no longer has much hope.

A person who gives in to the Yetzer Hara only because the Yetzer hara has tempted him strongly and he can't hold back, is not "bad' in essence. With sincere Teshuvah, Hashem will forgive him. But if one doesn't feel guilt anymore, that means that the bad has taken him over totally and there is little hope.

The Nesivos Shalom ends by saying that “guilt” is actually a Tikkun for every Jew to be able to break free of the bad. Even when one falls, they should make sure that the fall does not become part of their essence. By continuing to hold on to Hashem and feeling guilty when we are far from Him, then even in the case of the worst sins chas veshalom, we still have hope and will be forgiven.

There’s a simple test we can do to know whether we are being motivated by healthy guilt/regret or by shame/despair. If we see that we want to get right back up and find ways to strengthen ourselves again, then it’s a sign that our “bad” feelings are those of healthy guilt and positive regret. If, however, we feel that we just want to give up, then it’s a sure sign that we are experiencing despair and shame, and we must quickly find a way out of these harmful feelings before they lead us to a vicious cycle of continued falls.

So I guess I do have guilt...

I think I mean that every time I act out I tell myself that Hashem wants me to get up and then I really am usually able to forget about it... as if I have 2 ppl inside of me and i left the other guy behind.

I know that one of the big things is dealing with the guilt.

I have heard so many speeches about guilt and not throwing in the towel.

 So the question is, could it be that i have basically resigned to the fact that I will act out and and it doesn't bother me...
Yes I do want to get better and I'm not giving up... That's why I'm here... maybe i just never had real accountability...

Is it a good thing that I can get up and move on or have I taken it too far?

It is clear from various places in Chazal that we didn't always have free will in the past..

To quote Rav Shlomo Wolbe, [i]zt"l[/i]]: The great Jewish philosophers established bechira as the cornerstone for the whole Torah.... But from this resulted a common misperception that all people actively choose their every act and every decision. This is a grievous error. (Alei Schur, Vol. 1, p. 156)

What, then, is bechira?  Rav Eliyahu Dessler z"l (Michtav MeEliyahu, Vol. 1, pp. 111-116).describes how the "nekudas habechirah - the point of free choice" is different for different people and in different situations. He explains that bechira is not a theoretical concept that can be applied to any circumstance where a person can hypothetically choose between two options. Rather, it only applies to moral conflicts where the two opposing forces are of approximately equal strength, the person is aware of the internal conflict, and he makes a conscious decision in one direction. When a person does something over which he does not experience conscious conflict, or if the compelling force on one side is significantly stronger than the other, the fact that he is theoretically able to decide either way does not qualify his act as an expression of bechira.

Once we understand that we didn't always have free will in the past, we will prevent the guilt from dragging us down into a vicious cycle of despair and continued falls. And guilt can be even more dangerous than the falls.

But when we talk about the present moment, we can never know how much free will we have and we must always try our very best.