Just wanted to say hello, never did this sort of thing before. Well here i am doing something i never did before, hopefully it will become something that will end up becoming my lifeline. i started at the age of 13, becoming a porn and masturbating addict. i grew up not religious so i never gave it a second thought to what i was doing. and now 12 years later, at the age of 25, i'm still continuing this disgraceful act. I am shomer shabbat for 3 years already and currently trying to keep growing in my yiddishkite. But i have a feeling that this addiction is holding me back from what i can do. 

I have attempted to take precautions, like filter and not associating myself with women and trying to not look at women when i am walking outside... and i learn torah as well, which is the only antidote to the poison that ive taken. But even with all that ive done,i still find myself going back to my old ways, finding a device and doing my misdeeds... i can put a filter on everything but my brain. The thoughts that i keep getting make it much harder... But with all that ive done in a span of 12 years, having a mind like this is normal. I just need to spend time away from the bad stuff and my mind will hopefully return to normal.

So i'm here, trying to find new ways to get myself  removed from the never ending chain that ive got myself involved in. Looking for another method, another salvation, a permanent salvation. 

I have not spoken to anyone about this matter, to anyone close to me, because they are human and humans that you associate with will naturally judge you unless they know what youre going through due to experience and such. But i've heard that one of the ways to break free is by having someone to talk to and by speaking to them and them rooting for you. By have such a person, your willpower will grow much more due to reasons that you dont want the one that is rooting for you, the one that wants you to change for the better, the one that doesnt want you to suffer anymore, you don't want this person to be let down, so thats what i'm going to attempt, by being here. 

i need a way to remove myself from the clutches that satan has me in. i know i can do it. Even though everyday is a new battle, and even though everyday i seem to keep failing every battle that i find myself in, even then.... i hope to one day succeed permanently. 

I am in your hands. thank you for listening to what i have to say... i dont know if i did this correctly, thank you. and feel free to say to me what exactly i am, what it is i need to be, do, act, and so on.

StrugglingToGuardMyEyes wrote on 14 Dec 2020 22:15:

What you are, is a warrior.
A true servant of God who has gone through fire and water to sanctify His name.

What you need to be, is confident in yourself and beleive that you are not defined nor bound by your past.

What you need to do, depends on many things.
Are you happy? What is your source of joy in your life?

Are you married? Dating?

Im sure with time you will grow immensely here God willing.
Its an honor to welcome you to our family.

Happy Chanuka!

YeshivaGuy

Whoa didnt expect such a response haha. Thank you.
what makes me happy, well i just entered a yeshiva as a bochur for the first time, 3 months in and im happy about it.
im single, not dating yet. Feels like its not the right time since i cant get my desires under control. Dont want to make my potential spouse suffer cause of my addiction. 
God willing that i will grow and conquer this challenge with the help of everyone in gye.
happy channukah 

Welcome! Why don't you check out these great free resources?

Great book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Also, sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.

Wishing you much hatzlocha!

We've got your back and will support you every step of the way. Just knowing that you have friends who will share your joy of self-discipline (at the end of a hard-fought day) will make all the difference. Oh, and we will also lend you a shoulder to cry on for the days that you fall. But you will succeed. I promise.

And one more thing: Watch and you will see that the guts that it took to post - is the first step in the courageous battle to outclass the yetzer. ..

Stay strong, brother.

Welcome! May your stay here bear sweet fruit! 

Hi S.T.G.M.E,

If you don't know yet, we all have your back.
Through the ups and downs, to celebrate and stretch out a hand when needed.

The forum is a place where many have had their voice heard.

Please continue to post and let your voice be heard. It will help you and many others on here.

Wishing you the best in your journey

Afreilechen Chanukah!

Thank you so much guys. Just knowing that there are people that know what im going through and believe in me, i feel like i can conquer it, i feel like i can win my battle when it starts getting harder. 

2 days in so far

You can conquer and succeed!
Keep posting, it will add accountability and you will be mechazek others aswell as yourself.

StrugglingToGuardMyEyes wrote on 17 Dec 2020 04:03:


I love the self-talk....And please look into a mirror and say these words over and over!

Welcome!

Ain't got much to add but that you are a true inspiration!

Wishing you much hatzlacha.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup