What worked for me and many others, is to pick up the phone (and courage) and call one of the Gye Tzadikim who speak to you on a personal understanding level, and of course proffesinal level too

Hi Youngster.

Your experience of winning a battle, only for the urge to return even stronger a short while later, is very familiar to me.

It almost always strikes twice or three times in rapid suscession.

I advise not just avoiding the urge, but replacing it with constructive activity, all the while knowing the urge will return even stronger.

If you are aware in advance, then you can be stronger when it strikes.

For all of you that are wondering what the big splash noise is in middle of the night, it was me, taking a dive from 63 to deep below the water! 
and yes, the belly flop hurts....

Youngster wrote on 20 Nov 2020 08:50:

Oh! How I remember my first belly flop. I was trying to learn how to dive gracefully after years of simple splashing in feet first. It was so scary and intimidating standing up high upon the diving board. I looked down in fear, gazing into the merciless water, toes curled around the edge of the board, heart pounding in trepidation. Finally I aroused myself and summoned courage to take the plunge head first. 

How free I felt sailing through the air! Like a bird, wind tickling my face. Oh! This was life! How fun this was! Why didn't I learn to do this earlier? I looked toward the water expecting a clean entry, my body gliding effortlessly and gracefully, cutting into the water like a sharp dagger. When suddenly, wham! I landed on my belly in a stinging humiliation. So unexpected! The pain went searing through my body like a white hot knife. I flailed wildly, in a panic. Feeling my breath and energy slowly ebbing.

My brain sending sos codes to my limbs, I suddenly remembered I can swim. Moving my arms and legs symmetrically, the way I was taught, I plodded through the pool to the waters edge. I hoisted myself out and laid on the hard concrete panting. Breathless, exhausted, discouraged. Feeling like a failure. 

Abruptly I straightened up. Wait a second, I realized. I'm not a failure! I'm still in the learning stages. I've been learning, I know what needs to be done. I can visualize the perfect dive! I just need to train my body to obey my mind. I haven't failed! On the contrary this is how a person learns how to do anything properly. It takes trial and error. Part of the process towards success factors in initial development, including mistakes. Even as startling and painful as a belly flop. I am actually closer than before to attaining that flawless dive. I actually just moved one step ahead!

I picked myself up, jaw set determinedly, and headed back towards the diving board with a spring in my step. How free I felt heading there again! Like a bird, wind tickling my face. Oh! This was life! I forged ahead my spirits high, knowing I am one giant step closer to achieving the perfect graceful dive.

                                 Grant 

Youngster wrote on 20 Nov 2020 08:50:

No! No! 
You did not fall 63 days. 
You fought and won for 63 consecutive days and that feat will always be there. You just stopped the streak from getting to day 64. But the 63 day streak is yours forever. 
Notice your cumulative days. That did not drop. 
Use these streak to realise that you are at an unimaginable place. 63 days!! Wow wow!! Take the future from here. 

You made a mistake. You fell. After years of having a habit of falling often, you made it clean for 2 months. And then you fell. And a fall is a bad thing. A terrible thing. And the best people can fall. 
Pick yourself up! Brush yourself off. 
You did not fall 63 days. One day, when you are well into your unending streak, you will look back and say, that 63 day streak paved the path to sobriety. It was that first long streak, that got me to ralise that I don't need this stuff. I can come clean. Make this streak the cornerstone of your new, clean reality. 

Most importantly, a streak is based on 24 hour periods. You can't rush it. Don't get put off by the fact that it takes 2 months to get to that stage.
Stay clean for one day at a time and appreciate every clean day.
What you are starting now is your current streak. It does not show your previous victories. So it may say you're up to day 2 or 3 but that's only your current streak. It's not you. You are 63 days higher than that. 

Thank you all, amazing words, great points.
really appreciate!

@Youngster: (Definitely not a youngster in wisdom) How's the swimming lessons going? Is your belly still stinging? 

No because my last fall was just after 10 days... so it was not from so high...
Jokes aside, thanks for asking, I had a fall 3 days ago, didnt see that one coming, was a sudden urge, and I wasnt prepared... (last time was a build up, from the days before slipping...)
So here I am 3 days in....

Grant400 wrote on 04 Dec 2020 16:36:

Aabsolutely! Not a youngster in wisdom.
אם דעת קנית מה חסרת 
אם דעת חסרת מה קנית 
so @youngster you got everything, just keep climbing or trucking as they say over here 

Hows it goin buddy?

Hi, 
I fell after 20 days, locked my app store, (threw which I fell) any other suggestions are welcome...

I think you got it-unless you have other ways of falling that you aren’t blocked from...
Much success!

Youngster wrote on 21 Dec 2020 20:30:

U don’t have the code right?

No, I blocked it by the filter company.

Youngster wrote on 22 Dec 2020 01:40:

Awesome, u have an iPhone?