Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: My problem 1036 Views

Re: My problem 18 Aug 2020 21:25 #353959

  • OivedElokim
  • Current streak: 56 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 172
  • Karma: 4
Thanks Grant! I loved all of your posts on this thread, but this one really hit the nail on the head. 
I would just add that what you write regarding the need that list fills is true of all other self-destructive behaviors and addictions. It’s just that lust is uniquely accessible and built in to a person and is the easiest addiction to hide...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה שהיא המלחמה עם היצה״ר להתגבר עליו ולגרשו מהעיר קטנה, שלא יתלבש באיברי הגוף שנוא באמת עבודה ועמל גדול להלחם בו תמיד״
פרק כז׳
״ואם העצבות...מהרהוריםרעים ותאוות רעות שנופלות במחשבתו...אדרבה יש לו לשמוח בחלקו שאף שנופלות במחשבתו הוא מסיח דעתו מהן לקיים מש״נ ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם שונים אחריהם...היו״ב שנופלים לו הרהורי ניאוף במחשבתו...וכשמסיח דעתו מקיים לאו זה ואמרז״ל ישב ולא עבר עבירה נותנים לו שכר כאילו עשה מצוה וע״כ צריך לשמוח בקיום הלאו כמו בקיום מ״ע ממש״
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My thread

Re: My problem 23 Aug 2020 20:54 #354111

Count me in on this to. From now on, when I see a woman, I try the Grant method (bli neder). See what happens.

Hatzlocha all.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 19:57 #359655

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 105 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 760
  • Karma: 76
Hey Zedj! Here's the thread I was referring to. It's a discussion about how to stop viewing women as sexual objects. Read from the beginning at your leisure. I hope you find it helpful. 
I can be reached at: Grant.400@yahoo.com

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 20:12 #359657

  • Zedj
  • Current streak: 62 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 11
Thank you, it will be my special nittle nacht read!

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 22:14 #359670

  • YeshivaGuy
  • Current streak: 140 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 708
  • Karma: 46
Grant400 wrote on 12 Aug 2020 17:14:


Even when a woman is obviously dressed in a way that is so glaring supposed to entice and share the view of ... I realized that a woman (most normal, not the trash) dresses that way to look pretty and cute not to look sexy and perverted. She's not trying to expose her body to the world she just wants people to find her attractive in a nonsexual way. Just like when you put on a new suit for Yom tov your objective isn't that people should imagine you without it on...


                                  Grant

Really? It’s so hard for me to believe that.
I’m aware that it’s probably due to my own skewed mindset...

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 22:39 #359674

  • Zedj
  • Current streak: 62 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 11
I was watching a talk ( I don't remember who or where it is) the gist of what he said "if the woman/girl knew what the guy was thinking, she would never dress like that"

@yeshivaguy So I guess it would be correct to say a girl/woman when they dress, they are thinking to look pretty and not to be looked at in a lustful manner.
If only they would know.......

This is a very helpful thread thank you to all here that gave their advice.

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 23:45 #359678

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1502 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2518
I think that was Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky on his famous "The Platonic Relationship", which by the way is a must watch/listen too for anyone who wants to date for companionship but is not ready to date for the purpose of marriage yet.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My problem 24 Dec 2020 23:55 #359679

  • lodaas
  • Current streak: 1369 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 19
  • Karma: 3
Please tell me if I am mistaken but doesnt the gemara say something like 
חמת מלא צואה והכל רצין אחריה
It is part of our eternal fight and these are all strategies to win each battle but the war we will only win when we hit our graves after 120 

Re: My problem 25 Dec 2020 00:55 #359686

  • mggsbms
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 537
  • Karma: 42
YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 22:14:

Grant400 wrote on 12 Aug 2020 17:14:


Even when a woman is obviously dressed in a way that is so glaring supposed to entice and share the view of ... I realized that a woman (most normal, not the trash) dresses that way to look pretty and cute not to look sexy and perverted. She's not trying to expose her body to the world she just wants people to find her attractive in a nonsexual way. Just like when you put on a new suit for Yom tov your objective isn't that people should imagine you without it on...


                                  Grant

Really? It’s so hard for me to believe that.
I’m aware that it’s probably due to my own skewed mindset...

What Grant writes is probably true most of the time, hense the big to-do with the "me to" movement. It took me time to grasp this as true.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
Last Edit: 25 Dec 2020 00:56 by mggsbms.

Re: My problem 25 Dec 2020 07:00 #359728

  • Lou
  • Current streak: 35 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 119
  • Karma: 9
YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Dec 2020 22:14:

Grant400 wrote on 12 Aug 2020 17:14:


Even when a woman is obviously dressed in a way that is so glaring supposed to entice and share the view of ... I realized that a woman (most normal, not the trash) dresses that way to look pretty and cute not to look sexy and perverted. She's not trying to expose her body to the world she just wants people to find her attractive in a nonsexual way. Just like when you put on a new suit for Yom tov your objective isn't that people should imagine you without it on...


                                  Grant

Really? It’s so hard for me to believe that.
I’m aware that it’s probably due to my own skewed mindset...

Yes, regarding the typical Frum woman it is true. Even if they are not perfect with Tznius standards etc. If they are healthy frum females their intention is to look pretty and get compliments from their friends etc. They don't think about us and our hirhurim. They intrinsically like to look nice even for themselves.Think of any female relative you have,and it may be easier to realize that.
Time to create page: 0.41 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes