Your goal is not to conquer a life-long yetzer hora in one day! Simply
putting up a fight is a tremendous accomplishment, and skipping this time, or even delaying it a little bit, is still worthwhile. There is great value and tremendous sechar for every second you are able to be omeid b’nisayon.

Let me tell you a nice story:
There was once a king who placed his daughter at the summit of a large mountain and proposed the following challenge to the inhabitants of his land: I will offer my daughter’s hand in marriage to whomever is able to climb the mountain and reach the top.” Many professional hikers attempted the climb, but they were all unsuccessful. Then along came an old man who could barely see, but decided nonetheless to try. He slowly made his way up, and after many weeks of arduous travel, he eventually made it to the summit, where he received the grand prize-- the princess! When the old man was asked how he was able to reach the summit after so many other hikers had failed, he answered simply, “What do you mean? It wasn’t such a tall mountain! All I saw was a few feet in front of me, so I walked those few feet-- and then another few feet, until I reached the top.”

The nimshal is obvious:
Take one day at a time! Your goal right now is not to stop for life; it’s to push it off as much as you can.

Wow. I’m inspired by the fact that you slipped and caught yourself before it got out of hand...
Keep it up!

Ok Rabboisai, here’s where things stand.
She responded.
I told her I’m taking at least a month to disconnect from texting/technology to connect to myself and to God (she’s spiritual so was into it).
So told her won’t be talking.
She was cool with it.

So now, she won’t be texting me. I deleted her number so can’t text her “when I’m ready.”
Now, there is still a risk of texting me at some point down the line, that’s true.
But as long as I don’t respond, she’ll stop and assume I’m not on WhatsApp.
She said “I hope we talk soon.”
And that nearly killed me...

Anyway, this is the matzav.
Im not proud of myself.
I really took a step back here, and nearly lost it all.

The truth is that even with all the gedarim, if a person wants, they can get shmutz.
A person, especially in the Dor, is always just a few steps away from potential destruction.

There’s a way for me to get back her number, by going on the site we met on (before GYE) and getting the number. And unfortunately my account can’t be deleted on it.
The main thing here for me is to be שקוע in Torah v’Yiras Shamayim.

Im moving on and hoping to utilize Purim to catapult me to a new Kabolas HaTorah. B’ezras HaShem Yisborach.

The fledgling,

YeshivaGuy

חזק!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Feb 2021 21:08:

Stay strong! You inspire all of us. We are all here for you too!

@yeshivaGuy - You are doing great.  It's hard.  but you will realize that the fight is worth it when IM'H you get married and you've already acquired the tools and the "spiritual muscles" to fight the battle.  As any of us married guys can attest, if this issue is not addressed before marriage, the problem will only exacerbate. 

Had a good Purim Baruch HaShem.
Having seacond thoughts bout deleting the number, and been fantasizing a shtikl. 
Trying to move forward.
Spoke to the sgan mashgiach and there’s no one available for me to learn with first seder, so that’s shver...

Anyway, staying strong. Been struggling with touching myself, and trying to bring my Nekudas HaBechira back higher...

Will stay b’kesher. Thank You all.

YeshivaGuy

Slipping... trying to make it through the night

YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Mar 2021 04:31:

Please please I beg you, make it through, I promise you'll be so much happier! 
Giving myself chizuk too by posting...

Good night,
Happy Yid

YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Mar 2021 04:31:

You got this

@YeshivaGuy You are literally the reason that I started this journey and found the courage, desire and conviction to get involved here. Your story is truly inspiring. I read your entire thread in the end of January and couldn't believe what you have accomplished.

Fight smarter (I hope this isn't too tough etc.)

Striving Avreich

Thanks guys for the kind words and chizuk.
Baruch HaShem I made it through.
Have a wonderful day! 

Pretty good day so far bh.
Yesterday at this time I got into bed and told my chavrusa I’m not coming...
Not today though, gonna push through.
5 more days until the big 180 which is 2 times 90.

Broke another geder.
Lay on my stomach today for few moments.
I need a smack across the face, or maybe an ice bath

Do you have anyone who can smack you?Hatzlacha!