Haven’t met with him yet. He wants to give me more time to get better on my own. I’m slowly getting better bh. And I’m keeping this phone in my friends room and only using it there

Baruch HaShem I’ve been doing pretty well.
Been sick the last few days, so feeling shver.
Staying away from my phone has been going great, though I’ve had it on me while sick so I can contact my chavrusa, friends, parents etc, and I don’t have koach to go upstairs.
Baruch HaShem I’ve been doing well though.

Finnaly had a great morning seder at beginning of the week, but then got sick. But THATS OK! Because I’m searving HaShem. Not Myself. And I need to accept what HaShem gives me and make the most of it.

Im trying to be patient with myself on many fronts, including learning, davening, weight loss etc, and it’s been going pretty well Bh.

Been feeling a shtikl “free,” though I’m scared to say that...
Spoke to a guy my age who hasn’t masterbated in like 1/2 years, and I felt like what’s the point of what I’m doing if he’s that ahead of me. 
But I discarded that thought as stupid.

Anyway, will be bkesher!
A Gut Chodesh and a Gut Shabbos!


YeshivaGuy

160 days clean Baruch HaShem.
Had a dream on Shabbos that was in bed with a certain girl and was about to... then woke up.
Was pretty bummed out that didn’t finish the dream.
And was turned on etc.
Bh didnt “act out.”

There was a Bar Mitzva on campus so was a woman walking by me.  Baruch HaShem I looked down so not to grow the flame of taiva that was burning from the dream.
It was hard but I prevailed, Bh.

I’m proud to have made it this far, im in the mood now to be nichshal a bit, but I’ll take a pass.

Still not feeling the best, my head has been hurting a lot the last 4 days...
Anyway, Gut Vuch!


YeshivaGuy

הנך שבוייתא דאתאי לנהרדעא,  אסקינהו לבי רב עמרם חסידא, אשקולו דרגא מקמייהו

בהדי דקא חלפה חדא מנייהו נפל נהורא באיפומא, שקליה רב עמרם לדרגא דלא הוו יכלין בי עשרה למדלייא, דלייא לחודיה

סליק ואזיל, כי מטא לפלגא דרגא איפשח, רמא קלא: נורא בי עמרם

אתו רבנן, אמרו ליה: כסיפתינן

אמר להו: מוטב תיכספו בי עמרם בעלמא הדין, ולא תיכספו מיניה לעלמא דאתי

אשבעיה דינפק מיניה, נפק מיניה כי עמודא דנורא, אמר ליה: חזי, דאת נורא ואנא בישרא,
ואנא עדיפנא מינך.

קידושין פא

your schar is completely off the charts, buddy

With envy from Grodno ~ IMG

Mazal tov on 160 days!
I cant wait to be in your shoes, thank you for sharing your journey.

Keep on going!

The voices are speaking. Saying I have no future. I am doomed. I missed first seder last two days and I will never retrieve that opportunity. I’m done.

I watch the bustling buchrim and chevrei hakollel, learning yomam v’laila.
And me?
I walk in a daze. 
Aimlessly traversing these hollowed grounds.

Oy.
But, I shall pull myself together ones more, with inner strength and will. I will go to sleep and tomorrow will be better. It WILL.
I need to believe. 

Good night dearest friends

YeshivaGuy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 05:09:

My Rosh Yeshiva (He will have to remain nameless) is someone that speaks always blashon nekiya. However, he once told that sometimes you have to just turn around and tell your yetzer hara "Shut up!" I think that response would be appropriate to those doomsday voices that you hear.
Hatzlocha

Heilige YG,

For many years I was the "bustling bochur and chaver hakollel" that you refer to....yet I could not string together 3 clean weeks.

You ain't no slouch, bro

Excuse the reality check from Grodno ~ IMG

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 16 Feb 2021 05:46:

Yes I hear and appreciate the reality check.
But idk, I feel like it’s more choshuv to be a masmid/Talmud Chacham that isn’t matzliach in Shmiras hakedusha than to be some guy who just doesn’t masterbate...
Excuse my probably crumb mindset, but a part of me would rather be a Talmud Chacham than a tzadik.

The question is why?

Anyway chevra, ah Gutten Nacht!

ROTFL

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 16 Feb 2021 06:04:

What? I’m not good with acronyms 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 06:06:

You may just have to google it because no one is going to explain this one, it's too easy.

If it helps, i have a similar experience. I struggle with what some would call basic Judaism (Davening, learning) but i know i'm here for a reason (on earth). I've always been told that the biggest challenge is what your tafkid likely is, and my strongest yh is porn, masturbation and the related issues. 
While i sometimes feel like a failure in terms of davening and learning. I know that if i can overcome in this area, dayenu. 
(and then keep growing)

wilnevergiveup wrote on 16 Feb 2021 08:19:

Rolling on the floor laughing?