cordnoy wrote on 22 Dec 2022 21:47:

if you can go and light candles and then say tehillim in front of the candles for an hour i would do that.  otherwise, i would trust your gut and avoid if there is any chance it can get you to watch porn.

Gonna just write Emes: in my car currently struggling what to do. I like her, could be shayach maybe but idk. My mother had asked me recently what I thought about maybe dating her but idk I think I’d be blinded.. Also we’re related and I think it would bother the girl (though not me)..

Watching porn isn’t even really so much my concern.
It’s really about continuing this relationship which is dangerous. Especially because since we’re part of the same extended family, if we keep up this sketchy relationship and marry other people, we’ll still see each other and that spells for unhealthy situations in the future……

Thats big of why it’s hard to say it’s clear cut bad, but b’kitzur I messaged her asking what she’s doing etc.
She said some time ago she’s “lying on the couch bored lol” and I was dying, anyway I said sorry that can’t make it etc.
We’ll still see though, if her flight gets delayed (which it could) I’m not going to stay out extra long, gonna just wait until the time she said

YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 Dec 2022 23:02:

You're a special guy. Make your decision with that in mind.

Vehkam wrote on 22 Dec 2022 22:15:

It feels real good to be able to pleasantly and respectfully disagree. I don't even feel bad at all that he listened to the majority. The beauty of the forum! Thank the Good Lord!

cordnoy wrote on 22 Dec 2022 21:47:

Thank you so so much for your eitza and perspective.
Always a zechus to hear from you.
For myself I think going would certainly add a lot to this unhealthy relationship.
As far as the conversation about “addiction/recovery,” I’m not currently working using those leshonos/perspectives though perhaps I should.

And as far as their description, I wish her sister was appealing but mamash not. And twins would be cool

Vehkam wrote on 22 Dec 2022 22:15:

Thanks, the closest to that happening would perhaps be sitting with the girl at the candles looking at the neiros while enjoying each other’s presence like may or may not have taken place in the past….

Birshusi wrote on 22 Dec 2022 23:07:

Thanks, not sure how much I believe that but regardless of whether it’s true, it’s nice to hear

cordnoy wrote on 23 Dec 2022 01:29:

Beautifully said, Cord! May it always be true. Thanks for your friendship and all that you do. You stick to your principles and sometimes say the stuff that’s hard to hear and that takes courage from which we all benefit! 

So she went to the airport.
Her flight did get delayed happens to be, which nearly gave me a heart attack.
Good thing I was on the phone with a GYE bud while she messaged me that.
So I would’ve mamash had a solid 2 hours at least with her just us in the house undisturbed.

Damn.

I think my mom made schnitzel, will go downstairs to get involved.

And 6 days clean.
So far at least, my minds been abuzz…

YeshivaGuy

YG you continue to amaze and inspire. I hope you appreciate the greatness you are achieving despite the confusing circumstances. May hashem continue to guide you on the correct path.

Best wishes
Vehkam

I see that I've arrived late to the party. My opinion doesn't really matter much at this point, but it might help you with V'hosar Satan M'lfaneinu Umai'achareinu. I imagine it was probably brutal to have a girl you're interested in be in your house waiting to schmooze and to not seize that opportunity. Especially as it seems to be a potential option for you as a shidduch. However, I think you made the healthiest decision by waiting it out. If you are meant to be it will happen. If not, it would have set you up for more potential heartbreak. It would have made her departure much more difficult. If she gets engaged before you it will be horrific. I know many people who have experienced something like this and it's excruciating. While you may be kicking yourself for not talking to her, it was a great decision. You insightfully predicted a possible scenario of marrying someone else and having this relationship haunt you. It's not for sure going to happen, but marriage is a delicate entity, and it's best to avoid putting yourself into a situation where you'll be wondering "what if"? You made an amazing choice. 

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 23 Dec 2022 05:20:

Nah now the party gets started!
Ya I’ve had that already with a different girl…
We b’chlall never spoke, was more of a thing that my friends, even rebbium were making jokes about for years and years, and then she got married and I even had to go to the wedding…

When they were under the chupa I was mamash going through absolute hell beyond anything, after a they walked down though I eventually gave my “reshus” if that’s worth anything since I didn’t wanna be mashpia on them any kitrugim etc…
Ive got no shortage of stories guys, I can keep you all entertained for years! 

How the heck do you find so much strength YG? 

After my (super crispy and geshmak) schnitzel feast: Wanted to work out. Bugged out abit that I didn’t work out this week/gained some weight.
Masterbated/watched bad YouTube vid.
Recovered the shiksas number I had deleted.
Spoke for hours over messaging, masterbated again, bad YouTube clips.

After she had made it clear that she’s 100% down to meet me and she’s legit 15min away (and pretty etc), and after entertaining that and possibly making a time and place etc, I broke it off totally.
I explained everything to her, no need to go through on here.

I deleted number and finally went through the backup and deleted all of that permanently so I can’t recover it.

I’m not thinking about GD, religion or anything like that. I’m thinking about trauma.
Prospect of meeting up etc brings up flashbacks for me and it’s horrible.
All of this has taiva but I think mainly about escaping the trauma work I’m in.

I must must must fix my gym matzav so I can work out daily. Legit my lifeline to be sane, self confident, and not watch porn.

Sorry that tonight’s “tzadik” didn’t have the holiest night you all that he did.

Gut Chanuka,

YeshivaGuy

moved