Here are 8 motivating quotes that are good to keep in mind...

1. "According to the effort is the reward"
(Ethics of the Fathers, 5:22).
Achievement is measured by how much we try, not by the results we can see.

2. "It's not about how bad you want it; it's about how hard you're willing to work for it."
(Anonymous)
Dreams are not plans and desires are not steps. If you want it, you need to plan it.

3. "Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James.
Many give up during the first wave of discomfort. The body can take almost anything; it's the mind we need to convince. We need to go further than we think we can to discover what we are really capable of.

4. "Successful people never worry about what others are doing." (Anonymous)
We often give up because it seems like others around us are more talented, intelligent or faster than we are. But every expert was once a beginner. Focus only on your own growth.

5. "Never give up on a dream because of the time it will take to accomplish it; the time will pass anyway."
Earl Nightingale.
Many worthwhile goals take years to accomplish.

6. "The biggest mistake you could ever make is being too afraid to make one." (Anonymous)
Learn to see mistakes as opportunities to learn. Failure is the path to success. If you’re afraid of making mistakes, you’ll never try something new.

7. "Your life doesn't get better by chance, it gets better by change."
Jim Rohn.
Don't wait for other people to improve things for you. If you want something you've never had, you will need to do something you've never done.

8. "As long as the candle is still burning, it is still possible to work and to repair."
Rabbi Yisrael Salanter.
While there is still life, there is still hope. And when you have hope, you have everything.

Having a very difficult time with mental health, and ya I masterbated too.
Baruch HaShem I Finnaly got a psychiatrist appointment for tonight. 
That’s my goal right now chevra. To get this stuff worked out. Then back to Yeshiva. And then focused on the whole Kedusha thing.

Please daven for me. I’m having a very very hard time.

YeshivaGuy

Amazing that you're not giving up! Hang in there.
I used to take anxiety meds. I was going through some very tough times back them. Not taking any meds (having a condition) and trying to win this battle is akin to running a marathon in fetters.
The meds really helped me back then. My life situation changed for the better and I substituted them now for sports and other stuff. But depression is a real thing. Bez"H you should have hatzlocho with the psychiatrist.
You're a warrior for fighting this fight even though you're depressed. It takes real guts.
Please keep us posted and inspiring us. No one cares about your streak. We only care about one thing: helping our fellow brother get up and watching him fight the good fight.

Thanks @SnowFlake, really means a lot.
I am on meds but prob need bigger dose or dif type.
The appt tonight didn’t work out and seeing the spyciatrist tomorrow night bezras Hashem.
We’ll see what happens. It’s very difficult and I’m trying to just maintain some semblance of sanity.

Good night and Gut Chodesh to my dearest friends

Keep on trucking. Refua sheleima. 

We are with you!’

Met with a new psychiatrist, Baruch HaShem it was amazing. Really understood me etc.
She put me on a new medication and said I can return to Yeshiva (was maybe a tzad to stay home to be watched).
Im optimistic Baruch HaShem.
This is a journey and will take time to find the right treatment/mahalach and B’ezras HaShem we’ll have Siyata Dishmaya.

Thank you all,

YeshivaGuy

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 May 2021 04:05:

I actually went to google and searched what is spyciatrist. Thought that was a new one i never heard of. 

Returning to Yeshiva now. Held back from Masterbating last night. First time holding back in awhile.
I have an off Shabbos next Shabbos so will see y’all then.
Hatzlocha guys, and thanks so much for the support.

YeshivaGuy

Had a great 7 days clean with tough battles and big wins.
Long story, a lot to discuss, but bkitzur was nichshal.
Anyway, still feeling shver, hoping that this new medication will help. I have another appointment with psychiatrist next week.

I’m home now for the off Shabbos.
B’kitzur I masterbated again this morning.
Had to do with being up until 5am cuz this new medicine keeps me up and I ran out of melatonin..

A lot to discuss. I made an agreement with HHM of the terms of the off Shabbos, with a $100 knas for contacting any non immediate family member that’s a female, sleeping in room with any device besides my kosher phone, and using an unfiltered device.

Without that agreement I 100% would have used unfiltered device last night, I would have slept in room with device in room, and would have tried contacting a female.
So I am happy that bh I have kept thus far to the  terms, though lmaaseh I did masterbate this morning.

Theres something else which caused me to come to fall, but not for the public forum.

I wish the chevra here continued Hatzlocha and I reaffirm my commitment to this journey on the path towards Kedusha v’Tahara.

YeshivaGuy

Worked very hard to keep clean last night.
And fell this morning.
Fed up with this stuff.

Goodbye and goodluck.

Don’t give up. Every time you hold back is worth tons. You can get back to where you were before, and more. 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 May 2021 15:08:

After a setback it’s natural to be very harsh on yourself, and call yourself a fool or a hopeless loser. You may feel that talking that way to yourself will help you “get the message”, and avoid setbacks in the future. However, studies have shown that this type of self-criticism backfires badly. These crushing negative thoughts after a setback are what we hint to when we ask Hashem to “Remove Satan from before us and after us.”

You’ll get much better results if you channel your negative energy after a setback into creating or revising your plan. Being compassionate to yourself, and talking to yourself as you would to someone you care about, leads to more motivation and improved self-control. Instead of blaming your personality for a slip, blame your plan (or lack of one). Realize that you need a better plan to cope with the situation that led to the lapse.

I know you've heard this many time, but it's a good idea to repeat it ... When you set a large goal like quitting P&M for good, it can sound like an insurmountable task, particularly in the beginning. So instead of saying to yourself, "I'll never be able to use P&M again," adopt the mindset that you're just going to take "one day at a time." Adopting this mindset means that when you wake up each morning, you're only trying to stay clean for that day. Before you know it, days will turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.

We hope to hear great news from you! (small achievements are also great news) 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 May 2021 15:08:

What do the 2 have to do with each other?
You were a hero last night!
So you hit a speed bump this morning, that doesn't undo last night! Believe me, I know your situation. I live it too, unfiltered access everywhere I turn. But we have to throw the perfectionism out the window and rejoice with small victories.
Break out the good stuff.

Was just at a vort, and there were quite a lot of pretty girls etc.
I was almost perfect with Shmiras Eynayim.
Passing a girl in hallway I looked forward.
A bunch of pretty girls on the street. No look, just walking forward.
Even when I knew they were “looking at me” while walking, I payed mamash no attention.

The vort was in bottom of a shul. After saying Mazel Tov and dancing a shtikl I went upstairs and learnt.
In the past I would hang around and stare stare stare...

How did I have the strength to do this?
Not sure, it was poshut in my mind to get out of there (couldn’t leave cuz was with my parents and b’chlall not near home).

Before entering the hall I davend for siyata dishmaya...
It’s easy in these situations to be paraded by by my mother to show off her “chasan buchar,” at which point I’d see the women on other side of mechitza.
But bh I persevered.
And actually, a big shadchan told me as I was walking back outside that when “she sees me she sees the shechina.”
Definitely a gross exaggeration, maybe it was the color of my tie.
Byt either way, it made me feel good and maybe HaShem was trying to tell me I still have shaychus to Kedusha.
But who knows...

Hatzlocha