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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 27716 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:56 #361865

  • YeshivaGuy
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Bigmoish wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:53:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:45:

Bigmoish wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:43:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:41:
Thanks, but I think Yosef Hatzadik got up for shachris and went to Night Seder...





Source?

Lol
I think that’s the pashtus 
After all, ״לא עם הארץ חסיד...״

He also probably knew that beating himself up over little things was counterproductive. Go to sleep, and get to shacharis and seder tomorrow.

"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy

Thanks. Will do. Wasn’t gonna set my alarm for shachris cuz like “wats the point,” but will do so now.
Shkoyach

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 06:08 #361867

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I once asked R Avigdor Miller ZTL "What should I do if I have trouble getting up for Shachris in Yeshiva on time?" I was looking for some good Mussar,hisorirus etc...
He answered "Get yourself an alarm clock!"
The way I interpreted that based on other things I have heard from him was. Stop thinking so much and just do what you gotta do. Everything will fall into place and seem much better once you do that.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 08:56 #361879

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 03:20:
...but I’m not some massive tzadik. I got a lot of middos to work on- chesed,savlanus etc etc. gotta work on my bitachon, on my learning/Tefilla etc. 

So I overcame some hard nisyonos, nu nu.
Hows my learning? Davening? Middos?
A couple of nisyonos sure ain’t making me a Talmud Chacham or getting me to Olam Haba!

...It’s not like I’m some massive masmid and Baal middos





The answer?

Im a stam guy.


And there is nothing wrong with that! The most important step to greatness is being comfortable in your own skin. This doesn't mean to shortchange yourself, it means to grow apples from apple trees and tomatoes from a tomato vine and not try to grow watermelon trees. Watermelons were just not meant to grow on trees because they will get too heavy and smash onto smithereens when they come crashing down...(and ouch, if anyone happens to be passing under...).

If you want to become all of those things (massive masmid, massive talmid chacham, gadol hador etc.) the way is by growing with your strengths.

There is something fascinating that I noticed whenever I speak with my Rosh Yeshivah. He always says "when I was in your stage..." and he would go on and explain how he dealt with all the issues that I am going through. Now my Rosh Yeshiva is the R"Y of what is considered a top Yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel with hundreds of talmidim and thousands of alumni. It fascinates me every time that he (at least he says) went through most of the nisyonos that we all go through. I am pretty sure that if I want to become anything like him, it's going to be by being aware that every great person has his struggles too.

Something that I found to be far more powerful than reaching for the stars, is aiming for consistency. When setting goals, work on whatever level you can be consistent on. Again, I don't mean to shortchange yourself, but if you want to see real growth, then really work on being consistent. If you are having a hard time, you either need to change the goal, or change the plan (oh yeah, and you have to have had a plan in the first place to change it...).

And now it's time for some chazarah
wilnevergiveup wrote on 13 Oct 2020 08:33:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Oct 2020 01:16:
Pretty stressed.
Felt empty today. I feel like I just wasted time.
So hard to not be in a Makom Aliya.
The Yetzer wants to build off this and make me masterbate, go online etc, after all, I had such an empty and pointless day with barely any learning, and everyone around me is just so stressed out- driving me nuts.
I’m not giving in, but it still feels superhuman,
feels like I’m fighting absolutely everything-defying nature.
Which is so difficult.
Feels like I’m restraining a lion on a leash.

Anyway folks, thnx for hearing me out.

Hatzlocha!

I want to address this point as it is something that I struggle with as well.

I want you to really ask yourself "did I really have a bad day?" 

If you answer yes then ask yourself why, give yourself the whole shebang and then write it down (I write it on a google docs sheet) and FORGET ABOUT IT. You don't have to worry, if you ever want to remember, that's why you wrote it down, so just forget about it.

Now ask yourself, amid your awful day was there anything that you did do well? There is always something, did you wake up on time, did you daven, if you woke up late and still davened that an accomplishment too. were you kind, did you help someone out, did you make someone feel good. I can go on and on I am sure the list is quite long. 
Focus on all the good that you do and try to build on them.

Aaaah, so why do we feel like losers?

This is the million dollar question and the answer is, well I don't really know the answer for every situation but I will suggest an answer that you may relate to.

When we make goals for ourselves, we tend to set goals based on what we feel the most guilty about, instead of what we will actually grow from.
This creates expectations for yourself and when these expectations are not met we feel like a failure.

We have to learn what to expect from ourselves and what not to but especially we need to learn to set the correct goals.

For example, two days before Succos I spent most of the day working on the succah and helping my wife in the kitchen with little time to learn or do some of the other things that I had planned.

I felt awful, I had planned on having a four hour first seder, learn my mussar, do my workout and finish a project that I was working on and I didn't get to any of those.
My whole day was a mess, I was stressed that I didn't get to all those things and I was stressed about having to take care of the things that I had to take care of because they were preventing me from reaching my goals. 

After the day was over I sat down and said to myself wow what a bad day, if the rest of bein hazemanim goes like this, I'm done for.

Then I realized that I can still change my goals retroactively. I said, listen here, today your goals are to daven before the zman, learn twenty minutes, finish building the succah, help my wife when she needs me and read Dr. Seuss books to my 2 year old so that my wife can work. 

Wow! What an accomplishing day, and I even accomplished my goals!

I had Covid19 over Yom Kippur (and I am not the only one) and was stuck at home. My Rav told me, "you know Hashem doesn't want you to serve him on your terms, he want's you to serve him on his terms. Hashem want's you to show him that you can have a great Yom Kippur at home too."

Life is like a ladder, one rung at a time. If you stay on the same rung the entire time, you will fail to understand the point of the ladder and eventually just climb down, but if you try to take a giant leap and hopefully you will catch on somewhere on top you will end up in the same place and with far more pain too.
Reaching too high isn't growth, it's suicide. Of course you want to climb the tallest ladder, but you still got to climb it one ring at a time.

I decided that I was going to daven at a certain minyan during the last week of bein hazemanim that I thought was reasonable for me but in the end I never made it there. Today I thought, I have two options, either I could continue to push and maybe I will feel like a loser or maybe I will win, or I could daven in a different minyan that there is nothing wrong with other than the fact that it wasn't in the plan. 
Today I davened with a minyan and yesterday I davened at home, which one was better?

People spend all their lives feeling unaccomplished, not because they don't accomplish, rather because they don't live up to their own expectations.


I had a baby recently and among other things that have fallen onto my shoulders, I have to take my daughter to school. I got to a later minyan in shul and had to leave right after chazaras hashatz in order to get my daughter out on time. For some reason (maybe it's just perceived) I was getting lots of dirty looks for leaving so early. Inside, I was also feeling guilty but then I realized that it was still better than davening at home! I got up early, I got out of the house to daven and I even stayed through chazaras hashatz, are those not things to be proud of? 

I don't think you need us all to tell you how good you are, I think you need a kick in the pants (HHM, you are welcome to have the honors), or someone to dump a bucket of ice cold water on your head!

You don't have to be something in order to become it, you have to become it in order to be it. 

For more on this, I would recommend taking a look at a book called "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. There are lots of great books on low self esteem but this one is above and beyond. It's way better than anything else I have ever read and it's not just a bunch of useless information. You can also watch her Tedtalks here and here they are also great.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 11:23 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 10:17 #361881

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Amazing. Thanks so so much, really means a lot. I’ll check out the book etc
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 10:18 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 18:09 #361910

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To be honest, I’m really not down to speak to my Rebbi bout this stuff.
Because he thinks I’m a shtark/choshuve guy and I don’t wanna tarnish my appearance (I know, super shallow. Just expressing my thoughts)
And also, I don’t feel close to him enough to be so vulnerable. But I have a friend who did it to and was good.
Ill try pushing myself today to do it, though not sure exactly what to say and how to say it

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 20:55 #361919

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 18:09:
To be honest, I’m really not down to speak to my Rebbi bout this stuff.
Because he thinks I’m a shtark/choshuve guy and I don’t wanna tarnish my appearance (I know, super shallow. Just expressing my thoughts)
And also, I don’t feel close to him enough to be so vulnerable. But I have a friend who did it to and was good.
Ill try pushing myself today to do it, though not sure exactly what to say and how to say it

He will think even higher of you if you open up to him about this. And if he doesn't, well it might be a good idea to find a different Rebbe.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 02:38 #361952

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My Rebbi wasn’t available today. Bezras HaShem tomorrow.
I feel pretty decent now actually, bh

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 02:45 #361954

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I’m trying to take it easy on myself. Not thinking of my unfulfilled goals. Just trying to remain calm and live in the present
I think this is my avoda for now.
At least until I speak with my Rebbi 
I think taking it easy this week with this upcoming off Shabbos should help a lot bezras Hashem, but I def need to build a new mindset so I don’t keep crashing...
And I hope to do that with my Rebbi and my therapist
Last Edit: 26 Jan 2021 02:46 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 20:37 #362006

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I hadn’t had chavrusa for first Seder in like a month (he had his own probs), so Finnaly today I was able to get a new chavrusa.
And Finnaly I smiled! Some Geshmak in learning! Doing Yevamos and “handling” צרת איילונית, Ah! BH

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 20:54 #362010

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 26 Jan 2021 20:37:
I hadn’t had chavrusa for first Seder in like a month (he had his own probs), so Finnaly today I was able to get a new chavrusa.
And Finnaly I smiled! Some Geshmak in learning! Doing Yevamos and “handling” צרת איילונית, Ah! BH

Nothing quite like a geshmake seder to lift your spirits!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 20:56 #362011

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Lou wrote on 26 Jan 2021 20:54:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 26 Jan 2021 20:37:
I hadn’t had chavrusa for first Seder in like a month (he had his own probs), so Finnaly today I was able to get a new chavrusa.
And Finnaly I smiled! Some Geshmak in learning! Doing Yevamos and “handling” צרת איילונית, Ah! BH

Nothing quite like a geshmake seder to lift your spirits!

Ya, I think the lack of chavrusa contributed to my decline in spirits

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 21:07 #362012

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Ahh, oilam haba....

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Jan 2021 21:09 #362014

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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 26 Jan 2021 21:07:
Ahh, oilam haba....

Ahh, oilam hazeh... 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 02:30 #362044

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The following may give context to why I’ve been having a rough time emotionally the last few weeks:

For the last month this guy from another institution came to our Yeshiva and stayed in my room.
Leaving out a lot of details, he’s a modox/acting frummer kinda guy.
B’kitzur, he’s been judging me, looking down on me, saying derogatory comments to me about how I live a lie cuz I’m shtark in the Beis but not in my room etc etc.
This guy is 5 years younger than me and he has a girlfriend! And I’m the bumb. Amazing.

He constantly talks, bombards me with questions, often personal and insulting, and I can’t take it.
He’s insane.
I can’t take the negativity, constantly being put down etc.
Already 2 days after meeting me he asked to wake me up for shachris etc.

Today he was trying still to force his stupid “chizuk” and I told him straight that we are not close. I don’t want your advice. My life does not concern you etc etc.
Its a crazy matzav I can’t explain.

So it’s been very very difficult. And this has all caused me to be very judgmental of myself. Having someone constantly putting me down etc. and he means well, he just doesn’t get it.

He touches all my stuff, stands behind me while I’m texting to see my convos, I just can’t take it.

Today he said “I just care about you/am worried about you”
And I said “well that’s YOUR problem not MINE! Stop butting into my life.”


This guy just makes me so angry.
He asked yesterday for one of my healthy food bars. I only had few left so didn’t wanna give to him especially cuz I can’t stand him. But I said “sure,” and won that nisayon.

At first I thought this was my fault and I was being unreasonable and should work more on my middos etc, but honestly, this guy is just nuts.
I can never relax in my room etc etc.

Anyway, BARUCH HASHEM! He’s leaving this Thursday. After shattering my self esteem and feelings of self worth, he can now carry on with his life.

And I can slowly pick up the pieces of my shattered self...

Maybe I should pity him that he has these social probs, idk. But I, as a person who already has self esteem/anxiety probs, simply can’t bear this.
I will not be asking him mechila for acting cold towards him (like when he bursts into the room and starts interrogating me while I’m resting in bed and I answer one word answers, trying to convey the CLEAR fact that I’m not interested!).

Ok I got this off my chest.
Posting this now cuz few min ago he made some remarks about me not being shtark etc.

Im telling you guys I think this guy broke me...

It’s a problem with some people called “flip outs” who were modern and now try being yeshivish.
They feel like they should be giving mussar and tochacha and they feel like big tzadikim.
Coming late from NightSeder and making the roommate feel like trash cuz he’s not “chaping arein.”
Its amazing. This guy who was making out with girls a few years ago is giving me mussar and makes me feel like trash.
I don’t get it. Does he really think God wants that?
The only one he’s helping is his ego. Guy puts on a black kippa, can quote Gemara, listens to shiur while in bed and now he’s the Baba Sali.
Ya makes sense

My other roommate, the permanent one, is like that.
Im not gonna speak about him now, I have no koach.
He woke up my friend 45 min before shachris to “ask if he wants to be woken up.” 
Very often he wakes up earlier and before he leaves the room (like 30 min before shachris) he says condescendingly aloud (to wake us up) “ok YeshivaGuy (not my real name;) I’m going to shachris! have a great day!

He’s the reason our 3rd roommate (before this guy came for a month) left our room...


Anyway, sorry for the negativity.
Theres just so much deep anger and pain that I’ve been holding back this whole time and I’m gonna explode.

So I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe, this is tied to me feeling down on myself for the last few weeks.
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 02:56 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 02:45 #362045

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I have a tendency which I think is a good one, to always question myself that maybe IM the problem.
But after speaking to close friends(baalei middos, Bnei Torah) about this who know the matzav, they’re maskim that I’m not at fault here.

Here I am sitting in my room not going to NightSeder cuz my self esteem has been slowly broken. Piece by piece.
I made the mistake of bearing all this garbage under the guise of “working on my middos.” But I don’t think this is what HaShem wants from me

Gameplan: After this fool leaves I go home for relaxing off Shabbos.
My other roommate is only in the room late at night so I can avoide him.
If things get unbearable with him then I’ll leave the room.
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 02:52 by YeshivaGuy.
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