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Make it to Yeshiva
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 30 Sep 2020 20:46 #355654

  • OivedElokim
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You see to be caught between a rock and a hard place. I would say that if history videos is your last line of defense against falling, then try to get a hold of them without falling. (Please post as soon as your back in the safe zone).
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 01:14 #355662

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Hey @yeshivaguy, I feel for you. I too stopped smelling and tasting last Friday and have been at home since then. Obviously not the same situation as you but I can relate in a certain sense to being stuck inside with nothing to do on top of the fact that I am not feeling the greatest. 

My default when I am bored still is, lets do what I used to do, to feel good and kill time. But I must tell myself that I can expect more from myself. 

I don't want to sound preachy but it really will help (if you have not implemented this yet) to make some goals, a plan and a daily schedule. 

Be creative with finding new projects, there are so many things you can get into. Check out udemy.com for ideas like beer brewing, wine tasting, wood working, music or whatever you may be interested in. This may be a great time to learn something new.

Btw I there is a great recourse here called Glatweb.com that has a few decent kosher movies and some slightly more decent documentaries. It's a google drive folder, take a look if you haven't seen this yet.

Something that I implemented is that I allow myself to watch something clean or pend time reading and wasting time but I must learn at least 20 minutes before I start and at least 20 minutes for every 2 hours (or whatever numbers work for you). 

I wish I could help you more, you are a real warrior, please keep us posted.

Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2020 08:45 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 07:22 #355675

Just wanna say I just read all your posts and I'm absolutely amazed. You don't even realize the huge kiddish Hashem you're making both in shamayim and down on earth. Alone in an RV, exhausted with corona, newly sober, and still managing to somehow stay sober? AMAZING. Keep it up, you're mamesh bringing mashiach. 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 07:42 #355676

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workingmyprogram wrote on 01 Oct 2020 07:22:
Just wanna say I just read all your posts and I'm absolutely amazed. You don't even realize the huge kiddish Hashem you're making both in shamayim and down on earth. Alone in an RV, exhausted with corona, newly sober, and still managing to somehow stay sober? AMAZING. Keep it up, you're mamesh bringing mashiach. 

Well here’s what I was planning on wrighting:
”I’ve had it. This just isn’t worth it. I wanna masterbate. I wanna go on the Internet. I wanna do stuff with girls.
Honestly, I want to have sex. Not for holy reasons but cuz it’s geshmak. Why can’t I just be a guf? 
The whole world can do whatever they want.
And I’m stuck here and can’t enjoy anything. Just pain.
It’s not fair, I’ve had enough of this.”

But instead, I’ll give it until the morning, maybe there’s some value to all this... I suspect that it’s late and I shouldn’t do anything more stupid than I’ve already done before the morning.

I guess, clean Day 24 it is...

I can’t believe I’m not touching my “ever” right now.
4:15 AM now, so hard, thoughts of girls flashing through my mind, I just want to touch it, just once. Aaaaaahhh!!!!.
Uch. Goodnight. I’m only holding back for u guys, to be honest, not even for God. Gn

Anyway buddy,
Thanks for the post
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2020 08:16 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 08:59 #355678

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Hey Yeshivaguy, keep strong, we're all behind you cheering you on. Refua shelaima from Corona as well. 

I wanted to share a quote from Rabbi Shafier's the fight, from Mohamed Ali
"(I hated every minute of training)
But I said to myself 'Better to suffer now, and be a champion for the rest of my life' "


It's an extremely tough situation you are in, but we've seen how well you've done so far! Push through the suffering, keep going and build yourself into an even greater champion. We all recognise that you are a champion who has it within you!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 11:14 #355680

Nah uh Buddy. You ain't falling. Not today. Not ever.

I wanna add to what looking_to_improve was saying. He mentioned that Mohammed Ali said the following 'I hated every minute of training.
But I said to myself 'Better to suffer now, and be a champion for the rest of my life.' 
Honestly, I don't believe that for a second. Because, likely, there is no one that ever became the top in anything if they didn't love it. Oh, don't get me wrong, The quote is true. I'm sure he had to go through pain. Difficulty. I bet he even wanted to quit loads of times. And yep, he hated it. But that he just plain hated it? Nah uh. He loved hating it. He embraced the pain. He enjoyed the difficulty, and he got the result. He wanted to hate something, and this was it. And he loved channeling the anger to hate it. He needed an outlet for his anger.

We are human. We have the ability to do things we don't want to do, to exercise discipline. But it struck me that this can't last forever. A few weeks, if your really strong, maybe even a few months. But then we break. A person can only not do something he really wants to do for so long before he breaks.

So like I said, I think we have to embrace the pain. Laugh with it. Sure we hate it. But we love hating it. Saying goes: If it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun. If it took me 3 hours, it wouldn't be 30 miles. Makes no sense right? Nah. The difficulty is what makes the fun. It makes frustration. It creates upset. It may even create hate. But that's all part of the fun. Having something to hate? That is fun. And if we love hating it, then we want it so we can hate it some more.

I  don't know if this made any sense to you. Honesty, my thinking is a bit skewed as I'm a little off at the moment. 
The whole world can do what they want. Perhaps. But strings that aren't tight don't make much music. 

p.s.  Don't do this for G-d then. But don't do this for us. Do this for yourself. 

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 14:54 #355692

Remember: You're only committing to stay sober today. Tomorrow you can do whatever you want. It's just 24 hours at a time. In fact, when I first got sober I used to daven in shemonei esrei that Hashem should help me stay sober until the next shemoneh esrei. The last thing the yetzer wants to hear is that he'll never be able to enjoy lust again, so don't tell him that. Trick him and tell him that you're going to allow him to have all the fun in the world tomorrow, but for today you're gonna do other things. 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 16:03 #355694

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Grant400 wrote on 27 Sep 2020 14:28:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Sep 2020 17:39:

Ah, the life of a Yid. Complicated. Volatile. And gripping.

Any chizzuk would be great.
Especially a rebuttal to my last point.
Thanks!

Hey Yeshiva Guy you are truly inspiring!

I don't have time to wax on and on (which I tend to do sometimes) but just the gist.

Sometimes life as an orthodox jew can feel intense, with a lot of "demands" and can become overwhelming. But that is just because of the way we try to mix the best way our yetzer hara wants to live and the way Hashem, who definitely knows the truth, instructs us.

It's cliche and we've all heard it. The reason why when we learn Torah it isn't as delicious as the gedolim or seforim say is because we are tasting it with damaged tastebuds. We brutally assault our spiritual tastebuds with materialistic indulgences and then we expect them to still be sensitive to the loftiest levels of spirituality.

The same applies here. We watch movies- exposing ourselves to the antithesis of truth, fantasize and drool over secular society and their modus operandi of self pleasing and indulgence (like animals), and compare it to what we must do, but that's all wrong.

Do we watch cows in a pasture and dream to be one? Do we envy the simplicity of their lives? Are we jealous of the fish in our fishtanks who's greatest concern and duty is to keep checking of the sand at the bottom suddenly became edible? No, we understand the difference. So let's think a little deeper and understand this difference.

We think about how a goy sails through life effortlessly (or so it seems), while we flail and struggle. Oh, how we wish to have it easy too! But it's all wrong. When we sign up for a gym membership, do we complain how now we must sweat and struggle? How we must run every singel day and pick up the same weights, even increasing resistance as time goes on? No, we realized that that is the whole point of the gym. The more we sweat and strain the more reward we reap. And yet on the beach down the block there are loads of people lying on their towels lazily and sunbathing. No struggles for them, no straining, no gasping for air after an intense workout. But we know that they won't have a physique like yours, health like yours, retain their youth and physical stamina as long. Jealous? No. Maybe even a little egotistical. Proud of how you have discipline and purpose. Successes and goals for the future.

Life as a yid may feel hard sometimes, but we know why. We are here at this gym for that purpose, for a daily spiritual resistance workout. Let us appreciate the toil and sweat. Let us serve hashem to the best of our ability. We must constantly remember why we have this gym membership, be מקדש שם שמים daily, and we will eventually reap our tremendous rewards and be נהנה מזיו השכינה, which is the greatest pleasure and enjoyment possible.

.גמר חתימה טובה ושנה טובה ומתוקה


                                  Grant

P.S. I guess I did wax...

A masterpiece! Mitzvah l'farsem, How many of us need to hear this message?! Forget about GYE. This "shmuess" helps you get out of bed on a vacation day when the guy down the block sleeps until 2 pm and you have to get up for zman krias shma!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 18:08 #355696

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Thanks guys for the chizuk.
When i got the history app I got another app too.
Not YouTube bh-didn’t watch anything crazy-but spoke to girls on it and gave me hirhurim etc and just wanted to masterbate or even just touch it!!
Held back though so posted here..
I deleted the app and have the history app so should be good.
Ill try learning a couple blatt today, that usually makes things better.

Thanks guys

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 01 Oct 2020 20:23 #355705

  • YeshivaGuy
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The koach of Bechira is amazing.
Woke up late, feeling shver, but I’ve decided I’m having a day of aliya- set up my shtender to learn and I feel great.
About to daven 2 minchas with my tefillin then I’ll learn.
Im definitely shteiging in Shmiras Habris. I used to think masterbating was a necessity and a part of life.
Now I see that I can control it and I don’t need to be enslaved to taiva.

True Cheirus.

Its amazing how much can be changed when you just decide that things will be better
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2020 20:25 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 04:18 #355717

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The battle taking place in your daled amos of quarantine is a microcosm of the battle of good and evil in the entire world. Let's daven that the self sacrifice you are displaying should be machria the world l'kaf zechus. Keep it up buddy. You are a real inspiration to all of us.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 04:25 #355718

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Oct 2020 04:18:
The battle taking place in your daled amos of quarantine is a microcosm of the battle of good and evil in the entire world.

May I ask what you mean by that?

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 05:07 #355721

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 02 Oct 2020 04:25:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Oct 2020 04:18:
The battle taking place in your daled amos of quarantine is a microcosm of the battle of good and evil in the entire world.

May I ask what you mean by that?

There is an old chasidishe saying. 
ווען א איד שערט זיך די בארד אין ווארשע, שמדט זיך ר"ל א איד אין פאריס
Basically meaning our actions have consequences all over the world. It sounds life HHM is saying, that the struggle you are going through is similar to the larger struggle of good and evil and by withstanding your challenges you're helping the world become a better place.

Hatzlacha
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 06:55 #355726

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 02 Oct 2020 04:25:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Oct 2020 04:18:
The battle taking place in your daled amos of quarantine is a microcosm of the battle of good and evil in the entire world.

May I ask what you mean by that?

I could be wrong but I think what HHM might be from the following: (I'm sure he can clarify himself anyway)
The Rambam in הלכות תשובה ג:ד says (I've copied from sefaria, hope it came out all right)
. לְפִיכָךְ צָרִיךְ כָּל אָדָם שֶׁיִּרְאֶה עַצְמוֹ כָּל הַשָּׁנָה כֻּלָּהּ כְּאִלּוּ חֶצְיוֹ זַכַּאי וְחֶצְיוֹ חַיָּב. וְכֵן כָּל הָעוֹלָם חֶצְיוֹ זַכַּאי וְחֶצְיוֹ חַיָּב. חָטָא חֵטְא אֶחָד הֲרֵי הִכְרִיעַ אֶת עַצְמוֹ וְאֶת כָּל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ לְכַף חוֹבָה וְגָרַם לוֹ הַשְׁחָתָה. עָשָׂה מִצְוָה אַחַת הֲרֵי הִכְרִיעַ אֶת עַצְמוֹ וְאֶת כָּל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת וְגָרַם לוֹ וְלָהֶם תְּשׁוּעָה וְהַצָּלָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי י כה) "וְצַדִּיק יְסוֹד עוֹלָם" זֶה שֶׁצָּדַק הִכְרִיעַ אֶת כָּל הָעוֹלָם לִזְכוּת וְהִצִּילוֹ.  It is, therefore, necessary for every man to behold himself throughout the whole year in a light of being evenly balanced between innocence and guilt, and look upon the entire world as if evenly balanced between innocence and guilt; thus, if he commit one sin, he will overbalance himself and the whole world to the side of guilt, and be a cause of its destruction; but if he perform one duty, behold, he will overbalance himself and the whole world to the side of virtue, and bring about his own and their salvation and escape, even as it is said: "But the righteous is an everlasting foundation" (Prov. 10. 25), it is he, by whose righteousness he overbalanced the whole world to virtue and saved it. 

It's not simple to view our actions this way, it's very difficult and I'm not sure how often we actually do, but I think it can give us chizuk.
I think HHM is saying that the world is on your shoulders, everything is 50/50, and your RV is the centre of the battlefield. You've stepped up to the challenge so far and you're tilting the whole world to the side of zechus. We're all watching eagerly because we know you can do it.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 18:19 #355735

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Sep 2020 20:22:
Hey guys,
Sorry for letting u all down with the bad news..
I was just nichshal and masterbated (2min ago).
I was clean for 27 days...


This was 25 Days Ago.

After the first 2 days of Yom Tov I will be at 28 bezras Hashem.
I find  it important to look back and remind myself that I’ve fallen before around this time and must remain vigilant.
I however find myself in a much stronger place then last time.
These 25 days are qualitatively stronger and “cleaner” then the last 27 day period.
Thank you to all for the chizuk and encouragement throughout.

I finally have begun to feel like I “own” my body. That I, my Neshama, my Sechel, decides what happens 
I am becoming the Baal Habus.

Thank you all again so so much. 
Have a Good Yom Tov!
Last Edit: 02 Oct 2020 18:22 by YeshivaGuy.
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