PLEASE KEEP IT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grant400 wrote on 28 May 2023 20:22:

Dear Grant!
You are an example for all of us here we look up to you and respect you tons, even though I don't know who you are In real life.
Think to yourself about what you wrote to be mechazek others when they were in tough situations.
Hashem believes in you, he trusts you that you can handle it the right way.
Keep going we are all here for you!!!
Hoping for your best!
True self.

My dear friend Grant, who always knows exactly what to say and how to say it, the person who has inspired so many of us with his thoughtful, insightful words, I feel for you! Anything I will say you already know, all I'll say is reach out. We are here for you, there are wonderful, helpful friends waiting to hear from you and be there for you. It works, my friend. No need to go this alone....Keep sharing, and trucking:)

Grant, thanks so much for the chizzuk you give me, hopefully I can reciprocate! 

willdoit wrote on 28 May 2023 20:41:

Thank you so much for your candidness Grant. Your lines are sharp and enlightening, but זבחי אלקים רוח נשברה. Thank you for letting us in and telling us how it is today. Each day someone else has something aching and each day someone can help pick the other one up. I can relate to some physical symptoms- I think more breathing related, tightness in the chest etc., but it feels good to know that others also face "real" symptoms. You are a chizzuk, but I am happy you don't feel the need to always have something "smart" to say. Just say it like it is.

Thank you all for your responses. It's greatly appreciated and helps alot!

B"H as of now doing much better, it comes and goes, but hoping it lasts. 

I'm continuing to use all the methods and strategies, I've learned and implemented.

I have faith in myself. 

I don't think I have any business saying anything in your presence, Grant. But, for whatever my two cents are worth, to me, watching you in "real time" is a mussar sefer worth more than almost any I have ever encountered. Hang in there, youv'e got more than almost anyone I've met.
The strength you muster isn't just for yourself, General, it's also for all of us grunts who are looking up to you, the man on the hilltop, to rally us all.....

Good for you! Same problem, I had a 90 day streak, and realized I kept on being pulled by movies so I added that IYH will be enough. Just speaking from experience, you will have to find something else you are passionate about/enjoy doing that will fill the hole in you that movies is doing... Behatzlacha, we are here for you.

bright wrote on 31 May 2023 20:29:

Hey, thanks!

My original post was posted about 3 years ago. Since then, I've bh broken the addiction by keeping the strict guidelines I've written about.

After going cold Turkey for I believe roughly 2 years, the desire for them has decreased by an incredible amount, so I do allow myself to watch super clean movies occasionally. Very occasionally. I very rarely desire to, and even more seldom have something that's 100% guaranteed clean.

I will watch a very, very, clean TV show though, as long as it isn't too exciting. I literally can shut them in middle of episodes because I'm tired or have something to do, when in the past I would binge wildly every night till the next morning.

Once in the last year or so, I got excited about a clean trilogy and immediately made gedarim so I shouldn't fall into the trap again.

Is it the smartest to still dabble, even though they are clean etc? Maybe not, but at this point I really want it in my life, it helps me unwind in a much healthier way than in the past, and I feel confident enough in these tried and testedprecautions.

I do hope and plan to one day have the strength and courage to completely remove it from my life.

ODAAT.

Thanks! I didn't realize how long ago I came to give Chizuk and ended up getting bu lilamed venimtze lumad Keep shteiging and being an inspiration. Did you find what I posted to be true

bright wrote on 31 May 2023 21:09:

Regarding filling the hole? I kept myself busy, but didn't replace with a specific hobby etc.

Hey Grant,

Not writing a cheerleading soliloquy, just to say I see you, am impressed with you.
And I’m with you.

Your brother in arms,

YeshivaGuy

I have never liked the word "fall". It makes it sound as if we almost aren't at fault, and usually we are. Yet sometimes it is the correct term. Of course we made the decision to "act out" but it was in response to circumstances beyond our control. (Circumstance is beyond control, not the decision to act out.)

In some situations, even when trying your best, inevitable occurrences that you cannot control can start the ball rolling, and even though at the end of the day it is up to you to make the final decision, the infrastructure you worked so hard building simply may not be able to hold up the way it holds for normal circumstances.

Well, after such an introduction, here goes:

I fell. Goodbye 159.

There's something I never discussed on the forum and still do not wish to. It's something that has caused me alot of pain beyond words, and needed outside help to learn the tools to live with it. Bh, I've been lucky to have been overall successful in dealing with it, although it's a constant battle.

Unfortunately yesterday, there was a situation that came up in my life that effected me greatly, and caused things to spiral a bit to much for me to be able to cope myself. I immediately reached out to someone who can help, but unfortunately as of yet we have not been successful in connecting.

The pain and fear this caused me, had me searching for relatively innocent (yet I'm experienced enough to know that I was aware of the possibility of the final outcome) entertainment and distraction to get my mind off of obsessing about the issue. As is all too familiar to us, one thing led to another, until I finally bumped into something (shocking right?), and from there I was as pliable as clay in the hands of an experienced potter.

I like to think of it as a fall. My unfortunate response to an unfortunate circumstance. Is it an excuse? Maybe.

So there, I said it. I'm embarrassed and upset at myself, and feel that heavy disappointment of failure weighing on me, but with Hashem's help I'll move on to an even better place. Bh I recognize that I am in a much healthier place regarding lust than I was pretty much my whole life, and I am not discouraged about my past accomplishments. 

Onwards.

Grant400 wrote on 27 Jun 2023 16:57:

Hurting for you .
From my few years of lurking I can say that I have the fullest hopes in you.
You're one of the people that gave me huge inspiration.

KOT

Grant400 wrote on 27 Jun 2023 16:57:

Grant, Class Act.