Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

"Just regular movies "
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: "Just regular movies " 10055 Views

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 02:07 #365924

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11525
  • Karma: 578
Grant400 wrote on 23 Mar 2021 01:11:
So I need the oilams opinion. I have an app on my phone that is a regular app, not a social media app that I need for business. I was told that there is problematic content on it and it was driving me crazy for a long time knowing that maybe it's there. I decided to check out and see for myself because knowing it isn't will take a load off of me on a daily basis. I checked and unfortunately there was terrible images. I stayed around for way too long.

My question is, is it a fall? I only looked with a good reason, but I ended up getting pulled in. Deep in. What's the oilams take?

No!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 03:06 #365928

  • lionking
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 872
  • Karma: 97
Grant,
From the little I know about you, I would recommend you just move on. Try to distract yourself from the whole situation and keep going. Maybe write another chapter to keep your mind occupied. Don't dwell on whether it is a fall or not.

p.s. If you ever need advice if an app is safe, feel free to reach to me. 
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 13:26 #365944

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1080
  • Karma: 111
So here is my final decision. Last night I was twisting and turning for hours. The animal in me was begging for another feeding, yet I refused to give in and pick up my phone with explicit intent to browse garbage. It's not who I am anymore, and I know it will cause more pain than pleasure. This showed me that if even after 12 excruciating hours I didn't give in, then I still was in my "streak".

Why? Because yes, I looked at disgusting images with drool dripping down my chin. I became a gibbering fool in the hands of some 18 year old piece of horrid refuse, but that was only after I had a taste and couldn't refuse more. Just as when we walk in the street and sometimes our eyes catch a sight and unfortunately it follows, even when the rest of the day we controlled them. Sometimes when it's in front of us (me) there is almost no bechira.

Granted, I was the one who put myself in the situation, but it didn't come from a lack of control or the decision to go look, I had a reason. I won't be a fool and swear there was no excitement about "what if there is a problem" but that wasn't the driving force. That wasn't what led me to search. That wouldn't be enough at all. I proved this to myself last night and right now. The desire is burning but I am not reckoning with it (so far).

So my streak of not giving in to my desire for these things, and to go and indulge for the sake of indulgence exclusively. Continues. 

I know that I probably have negius, and some of you are thinking while you read this "who's this guy fooling" but for me this is a real step. To be able to close it and not go back for more, even while feeling upset and disgusting, even after pumping things into a head that didn't experience anything close to this in almost a half year, is a sign that I didn't lose myself completely.

I am upset at myself and will come up with a solution to prevent this from happening again. As Sapy mentioned my last fall came from an "innocent" app too. (I was in contact with our very own BHYY who proceeded to assist me how to prevent this in the future from a technology point of view - thank you!) I also will iyh make a taphsic. I committed to making one a few weeks ago but never did.

So I sign off rightfully disgraced but determined, and even slightly proud that I didn't completely relinquish my life to people who don't deserve to be graced with such a term.

                                   Grant

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 14:16 #365951

  • Ish MiGrodno
  • Current streak: 580 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 446
  • Karma: 33

Hey R' General,

Can you remove that negative footer "I had a terrible slip on day 162. This is a reminder for the future."

Perhaps replace with somethin' like:

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill

You are waaaayyy too good for negativity....cut yourself some slack; your resilience in the face of this fall just made you - like - 10 times the man you were before.

Smile and be super proud, my dear friend.

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Last Edit: 23 Mar 2021 14:16 by Ish MiGrodno.

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 14:24 #365952

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1123
  • Karma: 99
Ish MiGrodno wrote on 23 Mar 2021 14:16:

Hey R' General,

Can you remove that negative footer "I had a terrible slip on day 162. This is a reminder for the future."

Perhaps replace with somethin' like:

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill

You are waaaayyy too good for negativity....cut yourself some slack; your resilience in the face of this fall just made you - like - 10 times the man you were before.

Smile and be super proud, my dear friend.

IMG

Thanks IMG, I second that, it's gotta go.

Forward march!
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2021 14:25 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 19:01 #365968

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1080
  • Karma: 111
Gevald! Today is brutal. Fresh images beckon enticingly. I need that signature as a reminder for a little bit. I pray I make it through the day. I am weakening...My grip is just as tight but I'm getting tired...

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 19:06 #365969

  • lionking
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 872
  • Karma: 97
Perhaps it's time to leave go...
If you are gripping tightly on to the images you saw, it will cause problems.

Why don't you read some of the posts you wrote to me and others? You can do this. Don't let me down.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 19:10 #365971

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1080
  • Karma: 111
lionking wrote on 23 Mar 2021 19:06:
Perhaps it's time to leave go...
If you are gripping tightly on to the images you saw, it will cause problems.

Why don't you read some of the posts you wrote to me and others? You can do this. Don't let me down.

Thanks. I know I gotta just breath. I actually did read old posts, that's how I bh made it through last night...Good to have you as my king your majesty! 

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 19:12 #365972

  • Zedj
  • Current streak: 265 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 530
  • Karma: 41
Grant400 wrote on 23 Mar 2021 19:01:
Gevald! Today is brutal. Fresh images beckon enticingly. I need that signature as a reminder for a little bit. I pray I make it through the day. I am weakening...My grip is just as tight but I'm getting tired...

This might be familiar........

1. I remind myself that it's just a feeling, no matter how much it feels like a need.

2. I remind myself of my feelings after the last time I didn't stay strong. Both, the feeling like garbage and the fact that I realized that the desire for the enjoyment, is greater than the actual enjoyment.

3. I remind myself that every time I act out again can lead me to a more dangerous addiction level, which can eventually cause me to do crazy things to get my fix, and completely take over my brain and life, by causing me to obsess about it every second.

4. I remind myself how all of my davening, learning and mitzvos after will feel horrible and completely disconnected.

5. I think about having to restart my streak count.


(For married people)

6. I imagine how I will feel around my lovely wife after I spend time fantasizing or ogling other womans bodies, while she mistakenly believes I share that aspect exclusively with her. (It's one of the most horrible feelings in the world).

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 23 Mar 2021 19:14 by Zedj.

Re: "Just regular movies " 23 Mar 2021 19:24 #365974

  • Ish MiGrodno
  • Current streak: 580 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 446
  • Karma: 33
...And another hopefully familiar excerpt from a world-famous author (Chapter 9):

He didn't know how he got sucked into this so deep. Just a short while ago he was a loyal husband and a serious Ben Torah, but slowly things started to unravel. It started with small nips on the internet once again, over time needing more and more, and before he knew it this is where he was holding. He almost felt numb sometimes. Sometimes he felt guilty, and sometimes just plain confused.....He tried to get himself to break it off and stop all this nonsense. But he couldn't. It was just too hard and too tempting. It wasn't just about desire, this was a real relationship he had... He just couldn't let go. All he felt was missing in his marriage, was found with his new friend. He felt fulfilled and happy....His palms felt sweaty. His heart pounded in excitement. ...After a moment's hesitation, he decided he was ready too. He clicked the reply button, and started to type....

As a reader and "outsider," the temptation always seems more manageable, the flame more suppressible.

​Hope that this quote makes things easier (not harder)...

IMG

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: "Just regular movies " 24 Mar 2021 03:31 #366002

  • lionking
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 872
  • Karma: 97
It seems like it's in style to bring up some of your old posts.
How about this one, which I've reread numerous times?

Grant400 wrote on 30 Dec 2020 22:08:

lionking wrote on 30 Dec 2020 20:08:

I know I'm not doing good and need honest to goodness advice without any sugar-coating.

Here's my take. I hope you don't hate me. I just simply care.

I wish I can lunge through your screen and grab you by the neck and shake you good and hard until you wake up. Your on GYE already for a while, quite a number of years. You are definitely super intelligent. You already know all the tricks and methods, all the insights and every idea that has been dissected to death on this forum. Yet you're still coming with excuses.  "I feel this way" and "I feel that way" and "I have to this" and "I have to that"...

WHY?!?!? Haven't you already seen the truth a million times? What more are you waiting for? Magic? One more idea that will transform everything for you? Another few years of reading endless posts?

My friend, do you want to look back in another 10 or 20 years and still be clicking thank yous on posts that "resonate"? Do you plan on still searching for "that" something forever?

You already have a toolbox full of equipment, now its time for to use them. It's time to tear yourself out of all this c**p! This disgusting filth!

No more feelings, or "ways I feel " or whatever excuse you can use to tame your guilt or your brain that is looking at you with horror. No more dissecting why you search for this specific naked person over a different kind of animal.

Just do. Accomplish. Change. Be a man you can look at in the mirror in 20 years. It's hard and brutal and torturous, but so is the status quo.

Numb, shmumb, Lionking.....Start on your path to sanity!

Please don't hate me, because I love you! Remember, I'm writing a story that takes alot of time and energy, just to get you to post...also you are really good looking...my,have you been going to the gym lately?

                      A now in hiding Grant

P.S. Assasination isn't necessary. Just negative my karma.

My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: "Just regular movies " 24 Mar 2021 05:34 #366010

  • Zedj
  • Current streak: 265 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 530
  • Karma: 41
How is our ★★★★★ General Grant doing?

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 24 Mar 2021 05:36 by Zedj.

Re: "Just regular movies " 24 Mar 2021 10:41 #366014

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1080
  • Karma: 111
Zedj wrote on 24 Mar 2021 05:34:
How is our ★★★★★ General Grant doing?

BH thanks to all of you guys I'm letting go and in a better place. Still having rough moments but they're lessening...

Re: "Just regular movies " 29 Mar 2021 22:01 #366130

  • Striving Avreich
  • Current streak: 2 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 216
  • Karma: 13
Grant400 wrote on 23 Mar 2021 13:26:
So I sign off rightfully disgraced but determined, and even slightly proud that I didn't completely relinquish my life to people who don't deserve to be graced with such a term.

                                   Grant

This is gold!!
Why would I want to give up my life, learning & davening to someone of such low morality!

Re: "Just regular movies " 31 Mar 2021 23:27 #366225

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1080
  • Karma: 111
Today, and right now is one of the hardest moments I've had since joining GYE. Pray for me. 
Time to create page: 0.70 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes