Hi! I’m 21 years old engaged and almost getting married, struggling alraeady for nearly 5 years, try’ed to stop so many times but here I am, I’m basically struggling with masturbation mostly it’s with Fantasia, first time posting on the forum I don’t have the best writing skills but trying my best, so I’m getting married in the near future and am so confused and lost, can’t see the way out, I readily thought when I said yes to the shidduch that till the wedding I’ll be fine, but as you see I’m reaching out here to whoever has something helpful to share!!! Thx in advance!

Nice to meet you!

Don't worry, I'm sure lots of people have had struggles like yours and beat them so there's no reason why you can't to. There's a lot of things you can try but I'm going to keep it simple. Start off by just reading and watching things on this site. Learn as much about your problem as you can possibly learn. Chat with people. Read and comment on the forums. Sometimes it's just good to know that you're not alone in this and you never will be again. If you work hard and be patient I'm sure you'll have a nice happy marriage.

Good luck!!!!

Great move to start your own thread!

Are you on the 90 day chart? What have you done so far to stop? Has it helped?

Try to figure out do you actually want to stop? Why?

Post on the forum, update your chart, keep us posted, maybe even daily in the beginning on your progress. Post about what you are going to do and how it is working. 

Hatzlachah! Looking forward to hearing good stuff from you.

Welcome. Great first post. Your kallah is fortunate that she has a chosson who wants to fix up this part of his life now, before marriage. Iyh you can and will get better by reaching out for help. Keep posting, reading, understanding. Hatzlocha!

wayup wrote on 10 May 2020 16:36:

Please write what you tried in the past so we can work together on a solution that might help (with the help of hashem). 
Did you ever look into the 12 step program? 

First of all I want to thank everyone for the warm welcome! And chizuk ! So regarding what I tried already, I never really worked on a specific way just chatted and and browsed GYE the testimonials stories forms and all of that it gave me a lot of chizuk and a push to keep on but I never really succeeded in getting better, lately I started working with the taphsic method and got longer streaks but can’t say if it’s the taphsic or the pressure that I have of getting married! Can’t say that it didn’t help at all it probably did like for the internet it helped me , but I’m looking for a real plan on what to work and get out of my גלות ASAP I know it’s not from day to another and you need to work but I need a plan on what to focus I’m sorry if it’s a little confused what I wrote tried my best! Thx everyone for the help may Hashem bless you!!!

Thx for that, makes me feel a lot better, because as of now I’m feeling like a traitor and abuser getting married to a innocent good girl!!

You are a special person, you'll get there I have no doubt.
I'm in the same boat as you, not engaged yet but in the Parsha. If you ever need a listening ear don't hesitate to reach out bhyy@protonmail.com.
And Mazel Tov!

Welcome.

Planning a wedding can be stressful...perhaps go out for walks to calm yourself (socially distanced walks of course.)

Whether it is lust or stress or depression causing you to fall, try Mindfulness.

Mindfulness can explain self destructive behaviour.

Treat the urge to fall, as an external thought, rather than something that is part of you.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

Welcome! Yes I also thought I was free once engaged. I was proven wrong three times. then many many more after marriage!

We're all trying our best to be good I think, and well done for reaching out

wayup wrote on 11 May 2020 22:40:

Remember that it's Hashem who decided who your zivug will be... And you are doing his ratzon by getting married... Daven to him and he will help you heal in your struggle as well... 

Thanks @davidT you really made me clear, it’s that simple but from the deep whole I looked up I didn’t see it this way, I thought that I’m a bad person for getting married (of course I have to work if not I’m really a bad person) but you have a strong נקודה that this is my זיווג and Hashem wants me to get married and work this way, THX!!! 

Starting today my new streak after falling yesterday night, making a goal for till מוצאי שבת I know that it’s only a small amount of time but since my struggles are on a daily basis even that’s difficult for me, and of course one day at a time

It's funny hoe you say "I know it's not so much time... But one day at a time". I'm my opinion the two phrases don't work together. 
Your time spent working on yourself from now until Motzei Shabbos is KODESH KEDASHIM. Every second you stay free and keep yourself strong is another push towards lasting freedom, it's the drips in the bucket that make it overflow. 
Theres a duality to it though. Because obviously at the same time you are looking for lasting success, but looking that far ahead can seem daunting and unrealistic... BECAUSE IT IS. 

One day at a time, for me, is that it's not at all even about the end goal, streaks help me keep on track, but it's not the ikur. Some may argue, and what works for one may not for another, but according to me (a random Yid trying to give chizuk) as long as you ask yourself " am i doing Hashems ratzon right now in this moment" and always push for that moment. Because in that moment, there are infinite possibilities and decisions to make, and more than we realize, and there are a lot of times we can help ourselves, by making that decision earlier on. If you feel a thought or an urge ask what is my Avoda now? And do it to best of your human ability. Whether that means walking out of the room, closing the laptop for the night, walking outside for 5 minutes whatever may work. If learning Torah does that for, perfect, if not also perfect. 
Think of those moments, and prepare yourself ahead, think of things you can do. 

This is is something I've been building for in terms of hashkafa lately, but I'm trying to work it out.

It's not about finishing the mesechta, or the daf, or the maud, or even shas. The whole goal is to be Davek and connect to Hashem on the deepest possible level according to my ability. The more deep in the sugya I go, the more I connect. It doesn't matter when or how I finish, but as long as I know WHY I'm doing it, and giving it energy, there's nothing better than that. 

So some may ask, but what about finishing? Don't you want to feel like you accomplish something. . 

I have found and and answer that contrary to popular belief WE HAVE A LOT OF TIME. We can't take this for granted, but as long as we know we can keep going that moment, we can also look back AT EVERY MOMENT WE WON, and each "sugya" that we understand on the deepest of levels. Think about it, when you sweat over something, even if it takes longer than it should have, you feel much more accomplished

i know it's a trying time for you, and my heart goes out to you because I can't even imagine what it feels like for you, to get to that beautiful time in your life, and still be struggling.

Nothing would be better than for us to have a button to click that says REMOVE THIS NISAYON, but in the long run, it's the little moments that get us to where we want.

yosef10 wrote on 13 May 2020 02:03:

Quite possibly one of the most beautiful and chizukdik pieces I've read all day.
@wayup I just want to add - don't forget to be proud! Be happy! You are very motivated and determined and are working hard now to bez"H have an amazing marriage.