Hi everyone, I am a young married kollel guy with 2 children, I have been struggeling ever since I was 10 yrs. old when some school friend showed me porn magazines & taught me how to act out & it has progressed constantly ever since (from masturbation to phone sex to porn to clubs to prostitutes), I was seriously addicted without even realizing it, I would go from doing the worst things and go straight back to my gemora as if this was normal, the craziest thing was that it didn't bother me at all, I was totally numb, I was in true isolation, It didn't even feel like I was living a double life this was just normal, I didn't even need much to trigger me, whenever I would have a extra few min. I would feed my addiction in total numbness as if this was part of my daily routine, every time that I reached a new low I would get a little depressed & I would even call gye & listen to the tafsik speech, but everything would stop there, then I could be clean for the next 2 months (without really doing anything to change my behavior), and then I would start going at it again for another few weeks until I would reach another new low, I wasn't just sick in the way I was acting, I was sick in this area through & through (& still am today), my mind was crazy & every time that I would be any contact with a woman even for non sexual reasons ( on the phone or in person) my mind would go wild with fantasy about her..., every woman outdoors was something to lust after, truly a drunk, and that's basically how I was for many years.
I had my awakening this past july when I reached yet again a new low in my addiction (meeting up in a hotel with another married jewish woman...), & that's when I finaly came to the realization that I am truly powerless over my addiction & that no matter how much I don't wanna do these stuff I am still getting pulled into the never ending world of lust, I called a rov who guided me to a therapist who I am still seeing, the therapist origianaly told me that my only hope is 2 join SA meetings, but I didn't for various reasons, plus I really didnt want to, so we worked out a system together with my rov that im in contact with 1 of them every night, I cant say that im doing perfect, I actualy did act out once in the end of December, but I definetly came a long way, I realize now how I lacked the most basic relationship with my wife or with anyone for that matter, & I realize how self centered I always was & therefor in true isolation, i could go on & on in explaining all the things I gained from therapy, & what I learned that has caused me to be this way and how to slowly change & I am so gratefull for what I am today, the main reason why im posting this is bec. I need to join a support system (even if im not officialy doing the 12 steps), so I hope I can connect with people through this forum, thank you

Welcome,
I am sorry to hear your unfortunate story.
You have come to the right place. GYE has many tools, so see what works for you.
It sounds like you are on your way to recovery, great job!! it's not easy to open up about this subject to anyone, it shows courage and a real drive to recover.
I am more than happy to help you out. Feel free to email me 360gye@gmail.com

Hello and welcome!
Courageous first post.
I'm currently realizing as well how harmful isolation is. A good support system is critical, and that's definitely something you will find here.
Keep posting and stay connected.

welcome !
stick around and you will iy'H be on your way to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel ( or at least make some new friends...) 

Thanks for sharing

Wow!  It sounds like you are turning your life around.  We are here for you on your journey.

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great Shabbos! I wanna thank everyone who reached out to me and offered their support and chizuk! MEE KIOMCHA YISROEL! there is nothing like it! everyone is here for one purpose to conquer our yetzer hora and to help others it so beutifull! & im sure hashem is saying chazu bonay choveevoy
Isn't it a huge chessed from hashem that even if we chas visholom did the worst aveiros minute after minute day after day & year after year, hashem still loves us and is ready to take us back into his loving hands in second!, even if were not all the way there yet, but just reaching out for help and seriously wanting to change is already HUGE
I may sound like some rebbi or something but if you read my earlier post ull see im  struggeling just like you, ah gut voch

yungermann wrote on 25 Feb 2018 01:49:

You could be a rebbi and still be struggling. I'm pretty sure there's plenty of those here

wow! welcome, hatzlacha in your recovery! i have no words to  express what a gibor you are to reach out and not give up!Hashem should give you hatzlacha  !

Hi Mr. Maan (Reb Mann.)
     How have things been going?