Hi there, I've always struggled with M since I was ~13.  As a teenager and young adult, I would act out several times a week, followed by pangs of guilt and frustration.  I focused on just "trying to stop" without much of a game plan or system.  
I rarely had access to porn (no internet in my parent's house, and didn't have a smart phone).  Only after I got married and moved into our own place did I have access to the internet.  Though it was rare, whenever I had access to porn I would take advantage and act out.  Always followed by guilt and resolve to never do it again...(my wife never knew). 
We went through hard times - my wife became ill and passed away.  Lots of pain.  Porn became more accessible, more of an escape...I'd be acting out with porn several times a week. 
BH I got remarried and life is being rebuilt.  
However, getting remarried has been very stressful, and I started a new job (that I generally dislike) - so still grappling with lots of stress.  My job and social life is also pretty lonely, so I'm tapping into GYE for help. My wife caught me once early on, and would probably divorce me if she found out again - so the lying isn't feeling too great either. 
I see a therapist who has been very helpful as well. 

It's just so hard to stop!  I'm really trying to think about this from different viewpoints - chemically, emotionally, psychologically, religiously... making a push here and I'm already feeling better just be reaching out

Welcome aboard, Glad you joined what have you tried so far to stop?

 Yankel your fellow addict!

welcome aboard many have been helped here stick around keep posting 
you may be a different person soon 
hatzlocho waiting to here more

Welcome. You have come to a place where you will realize that there are many nice normal successful ehrlich people who have struggled with the same issue and bh are doing well. You are not a rasha or a loser. Stay connected with the oilam here and iyh you will be successful.

Welcome! A lot of people here thought they couldn't stop. Well they could stop but couldn't stay stopped. You will hear that people have in fact stopped for months, years and decades. So it can be done and has been done by many people who thought it impossible. 

I am trying to think what I can share from my experience without being overwhelming. Trying to stop wasn't working for me and never did. I came to the belief that porn and masturbation was not my problem. It was the solution I was using to escape and medicate. My problems went much deeper and I had to seek inner peace and healing and needed healthy ways to heal. It's a daily continuing process for me. I do my best to remain ever vigilant and try to do the same things today that freed me from the requirement to act out two and half years ago.

Hatzlacha

Hey Yankel, thanks for reaching out!
So far I have not tried any structure program.  The only help I've been getting is from my therapist, but that has its limitations. 

I guess I've always trusted my resolve "never again!" or "next time will be different" over and over again...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts @serenity! 

"trying not to stop wasn't working ...." rings true.  I've ALWAYS tried to stop but have NEVER succeeded for more than a week or two.  Looking back now it feels like I've always been putting out fires - covering up the urge and lust for the moment till it was too much to handle. 

I'll try to shift focus a little to the root of the urges and lusts...thanks for the food for thought!!

welcome aboard ! 
most of us  can  relate to the fall/guilt/repeat cycle and we are all rooting for you to succeed 
there are so many differant tools  on this site to enable you to change .
hatzlacha!

Hi counter, welcome!
Keep posting, stick around, get to know the site and resources. With everyone's support, God willing you will get the strength to overcome your struggles.

I am NOT married so this may be totally wrong, but just thinking out loud here - 
You mention your wife caught you once, and would probably divorce you if she found out again. That feeling of living a double life which so many of us here are familiar with is bound to only make it harder. As you say, the lying doesn't feel too great. Instead of waiting for her to catch you again, which is probably very likely, perhaps you should consider filling her in on your struggles? If you open up to her from a place of honesty instead of waiting for her to discover what's been going on behind her back, it may result in an entirely different reaction...reading many people's stories here, it sounds like spousal support is very helpful for recovery.

Again, I'm totally not qualified to give advice like this, just food for thought.

 welcome C.C.,im sorry to hear about your first wife ,may you only share simchos with your new wife. lifebounds advice sounds  like great advice and could be it works for many, my wife would never accept it at least in my mind ,so im not risking anything ,just trying  to be a  a kind ,good,careing husband, my wife has a lot of stress and this will not help her.but thats just my situation.hatzlacha .

Before speaking to your wife get to know some of the experts here and let them help you decide. In some cases, like mine, sharing was bh very beneficial. However in some, it was disastrous. So dont do anything rash. Get proper guidance

Thanks, I'm definitely not making any move without asking or guidance before hand.  Unfortunately I don't feel my wife would be supportive - when she found out (and caught me in a lie) she was crushed and devastated. I'm simply too afraid to tell her at this point.  

It must be amazing to have a supportive partner.  I guess Hashem knows this is what I need at this point in my life...perhaps things will change but for now this is not an option.  

I'm trying to trust in Hashem that my current situation and reality are best for me ...but I don't know, it's hard not to doubt...

Thanks ieeyc.

It must be a tough situation where you don't feel comfortable confiding in your wife.  I believe it was a mistake on my part to tell my wife initially about masturbation (I've since learned to not be so open with people in general, and to be more sensitive with my wife in particular).  She eventually caught me using porn shortly after we got married, and it was a huge blow up. 

But like you said, it's the situation we find ourselves in.  I try to believe that every situation we are in currently is the situation Hashem wants us to be in ...for whatever reason. 

counter_clock wrote on 06 Feb 2018 16:34:

Hi counter clock, 
Many moons ago I confessed to looking at porn to my wife. We had been married less than 3 months. Big mistake. However I then went to the other extreme of hiding all my nisyonios from her. 
I believe that was also a mistake for us, but obviously I can't assume that would be a mistake for you also.
A while ago I started dropping hints and now she at least knows that at times I struggle with fantasy and touching myself, and she is, or appears to be very understanding, especially as it hasn't gone beyond that in her mind. It's not a common topic of conversation but I sometimes mention it or if she asks I won't lie about it. More along the lines of  - I know I'm going to be by the computer for a few hours, and that's a difficult time. Maybe come and visit me at some point just to say hi. Or - yesterday I was on the computer all afternoon, and it was hard  -  but I behaved / I touched myself a little but then stopped. I'll try to do better next time.
I just find complete avpoidance leads to a breakdown of trust and mental intimacy.
HOWEVER - proceed with great caution and take counsel form those worthy of giving it!