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Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!!
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TOPIC: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 2221 Views

Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 15:23 #322996

My eleven month streak abruptly came to an end last night. I guess its hashems way of telling me " Al taamin beatzmecha ad yom moso". I'm in medical school and as you can imagine its rigorous beyond imagination, Especially now during final exam season! Sleepless nights for weeks on end. Add that together with trying to lead a jewish life: davening, Shabbos, Yom Tov, Wife and kids it almost becomes impossible. The last week or so has been extremely stressful for me both in school and at home that i found myself slipping and my usual cries to hashem of relinquishing my lust to him didn't seem to be working well. I think the final straw for me was in regards to my wife. We only were together once recently when she was permitted. But for the rest of that cycle she wasn't in the mood due to hormonal reasons. Motzai shabbos she told me that shes OK with getting together Sunday night. However when Sunday night came i took a look at the calendar and realized to my horror that we weren't permitted any more. I then had an extreme moment of weakness and downloaded inappropriate content onto my phone through remote logging into unfiltered work computer. I was up for a good portion of the night watching porn; my wife is used to me waking up at crazy hours due to school related work. I feel so down now; i feel like i gave everything up for a few minutes of senseless pleasure. I really hope hashem gives me the power to leave it at this and not to have this as a catalyst for me to spiral back down into full porn addiction. Hashem please Help Me!!!!!!

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 19:09 #322999

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hay! get your self up! dont just trow away 11 months, its huge, its tough, but you know what? you can do it, and it will get you much more stronger, just keep on doing your great work, and its a continuation, its not broken, just continue what you did until now, the YH wants you should feel down, broken, but dont let him get you, 
hay! we are all here for you, stick around, 
Chazak Vamutz
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 20:22 #323003

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My AA sponsor and my former SA sponsor are both doctors. Just thought it might help you to know that. 

I had a fall or a slip as I prefer to call it at 5 months. I got right back on and continued my growth. Roy K the founder of SA had a slip at one and a half years.

Keep building my friend! 
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 21:56 #323008

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It is amazing that you managed to last so long! Every time I fall I try to remember not to define myself by the fall but by how I get up afterwards and do better than before. I think it is important to remember how well you did and why you fell but the most important thing to think about is how you will not let those things lead to a fall again tomorrow. Good luck

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 22:59 #323011

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11 months is such an accomplishment!! Give it all you got!

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 27 Nov 2017 23:54 #323016

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Those 11 months are yours forever. Don't forget that. If you did 11 months you can do it again and surpass it. You are in a program and have a plan. Show us all how after suvh a disappointment, one gets up, shakes off the dirt, and moves on. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 28 Nov 2017 02:43 #323023

Thanks For The Chizuk

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 28 Nov 2017 16:04 #323056

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11 months?? WOW!!!
I see her a person that basically overcame the problem... The only way the YH was able to get you is by giving you extreme stress with a big disappointment on top. So you just have to take your work to the next level. Don't give up! You're way ahead most of us, we all respect you & looking out to see how you will overcome it!
Your accomplishment will hopefully give me the boost to reach 11 - not months but - days...

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 28 Nov 2017 17:46 #323060

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Keep strong brother eleven months is awesome. When I  have a fall after a long streak I try to keep the following in mind: You have a chance now that you wouldn't have had had you not fallen. To get up after a fall like this is as the US President would say Huuuuge! It in itself is a very big accomplishment.
Good luck.

WARNING: If you click the spoiler you will get too much chizuk!
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
Last Edit: 28 Nov 2017 18:12 by Shevayipoltzadiq.

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 28 Nov 2017 17:53 #323061

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לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Last Edit: 19 Jan 2018 15:47 by ieeyc.

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 28 Nov 2017 18:00 #323062

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I thought I had responded yesterday after you posted, but apparently it didn't "stick". 

I fell after a similar amount of months, as well (not just now). It's important not to think of all those months as wasted, or lost. It is still an accomplishment, and you still have them. Now it's time for 11 months + 1 day, etc..

Hatzlacha!

Re: Just Fell after 11 months Clean!!!! 05 Dec 2017 21:43 #323368

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MAZAL TOV on the 11 months!  As we say here, just keep on truckin'.  You learned from it.  Don't look back, just look forward.
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