Hello Alex,
I must thank you for your welcome and for your insight.
First of all, you are a source of inspiration and hope. The fact that you had a long time addiction and that after many years of recovery you are still here strenghtening people like me and investing time to help others gives me a goal... maybe I also will have the strength to recover and then to reach out to others and help them too.
I am aware that unrealistic expectations are dangerous. Nevertheless, my approach to challenges in life is to aim for the best, and try as far as possible to reach it. There is a constant dialectic tension that we must manage. On one side - push towards the utmost achievements - any compromise is the start of a failure; and on the other side - don't be discouraged by obstacles or partial achievements or even failures on the way.
I recently experienced this personally: one of my sons was selected to a very very exclusive, long and demanding training. I do not want to reveal details. Anyway, I had on one hand to provide support and build up his confidence that I believe in him and his ability to succeed, and on the other hand not to make him afraid of disapointing me in case of (a very likely - almost 90% don't make it to the finish) failure. He eventually succeeded - to my amazement.
I find this a greta source of inspiration for my personnal challenge now.
לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ואין אתה רשאי להיבטל ממנה
I am aware that the forces of lust are within me. But I strongly believe that, eventually, I can not only overcome them but actually control them and point them to positive goals.
I developped so many abilities, used so many tricks and ingenuity in order to act out and 'pleasure' myself - it would be a pity to just let all these energies go to waste. I must channel them positively.
I am aware that I will not be able to do that alone. This is why I find your support as well as the support of this entire community a great source of comfort. I must first surrender and be open to receive the help and the ברכה from Hashem. I can count on Him to be with me.

Thanks so mcuh for your kind words and wisdom.
Ben 

Hello Alex,
I must thank you for your welcome and for your insight.
First of all, you are a source of inspiration and hope. The fact that you had a long time addiction and that after many years of recovery you are still here strenghtening people like me and investing time to help others gives me a goal... maybe I also will have the strength to recover and then to reach out to others and help them too.
I am aware that unrealistic expectations are dangerous. Nevertheless, my approach to challenges in life is to aim for the best, and try as far as possible to reach it. There is a constant dialectic tension that we must manage. On one side - push towards the utmost achievements - any compromise is the start of a failure; and on the other side - don't be discouraged by obstacles or partial achievements or even failures on the way.
I recently experienced this personally: one of my sons was selected to a very very exclusive, long and demanding training. I do not want to reveal details. Anyway, I had on one hand to provide support and build up his confidence that I believe in him and his ability to succeed, and on the other hand not to make him afraid of disapointing me in case of (a very likely - almost 90% don't make it to the finish) failure. He eventually succeeded - to my amazement.
I find this a greta source of inspiration for my personnal challenge now.
לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ואין אתה רשאי להיבטל ממנה
I am aware that the forces of lust are within me. But I strongly believe that, eventually, I can not only overcome them but actually control them and point them to positive goals.
I developped so many abilities, used so many tricks and ingenuity in order to act out and 'pleasure' myself - it would be a pity to just let all these energies go to waste. I must channel them positively.
I am aware that I will not be able to do that alone. This is why I find your support as well as the support of this entire community a great source of comfort. I must first surrender and be open to receive the help and the ברכה from Hashem. I can count on Him to be with me.

Thanks so much for your kind words and wisdom.
Ben 

Hello Colin,
What we have been describing here is very wisely and simply mentioned in the Mishna (Avot 4,2):

בן עזאי אומר, הוי רץ למצוה קלה [ כבחמורה ], ובורח מן העברה. שמצוה גוררת מצוה, ועברה גוררת עברה.

ששכר מצוה, מצוה. ושכר עברה, עברה.

​You mentioned that the 'real' goal of the Yetzer Hara when he tricks us to fall is for us to feel low and then pull us in this down spiral. I have heard exactly that in different words - but it is the same. His goal is for us to feel that the avera distanced us from Hashem. And as we feel pulled away from Kedusha, it is easier and easier to fall lower and lower. It is the same in the physical world for gravity which reduces according to the square of the distance. But we must be aware that this is a trick! We are never distanced from Hashem, that's an illusion.
Like we read in Tehilim 139: אם אסק שמיים, שם אתה; ואציעה שאול הנך. No matter where we are (spiritually), Hashem is near.
But once again, you very wisely say that awareness is the key. Recognize dangerous situations, be ready, and use one of the many weapons you put in your arsenal to deal with the situation positively. I am reorganizing this arsenal now. From breathing exercises to Tefila, going to this forum, go to the gym, learn a mishna, read Tehilim, call my wife, .... There are so many things that we can do!
Thanks for your support!
Ben

Hey AE, Nice to see a post from you again!

GYEBen wrote on 12 Jul 2017 07:08:

Love the first line. So true.  Yet true commitment can be so elusive to an addict.

Controlling lust is another story. For me it's a fantasy.
My only control of wanton lust is to avoid it.
I'm not referring to appropriate desire for my wife.
I'm talking about lust.

Looking forward to hearing of your success