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TOPIC: Yeshiva Bachur 3604 Views

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 10 Jul 2017 22:33 #316999

  • shlomo24
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ColinColin wrote on 10 Jul 2017 20:34:
Chaimklein

How do you know your are not ready for marriage?

Maybe you are?
And by getting married you will be able to have a healthy loving relationship which will fill your natural need for intimacy, a need which you are currently filling by looking at porn. 
Which is not healthy and only provides a temporary "fix" rather than marriage which provides something to build on.

You know this to be true? That's not what I have experienced from hearing other people's experiences.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 10 Jul 2017 22:39 #317000

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In the Book "The Battle of our Generation" he brings proof against this way of thought. He writes that one fix this problem before he gets married, for other wise it can actually get worse.

BTW this book is really good! Found it in front of a Mikveh on a Erev Shabbos.

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 11 Jul 2017 01:05 #317006

  • Hashem Help Me
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chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:26:
How much work needs to be done before I go into shidduchim? 

As nice and dedicated the chevra on the forum are, realize that noone here really knows you. It would be most advisable to discuss this with a rebbi who does. Most rebbeim nowadays are very aware of the challenges boys have and either deal with it themselves or can direct you to someone who can advise you well. Keep us updated.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 11 Jul 2017 15:02 #317032

  • shlomo24
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 11 Jul 2017 01:05:

chaimklein wrote on 10 Jul 2017 03:26:
How much work needs to be done before I go into shidduchim? 


As nice and dedicated the chevra on the forum are, realize that noone here really knows you. It would be most advisable to discuss this with a rebbi who does. Most rebbeim nowadays are very aware of the challenges boys have and either deal with it themselves or can direct you to someone who can advise you well. Keep us updated.

I would add that if you don't have a Rebbi who you feel comfortable to talk with, seeking out a mentor can also be very helpful. If it was up to me, I would have started dating a long time ago and I am so grateful that I have people in my life who showed me how I am not ready. Particularly my Sponsor.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 11 Jul 2017 17:45 #317037

  • JewishYoungAdult
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Hi chaimklein, welcome to GYE. Are you new here?Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.
Good luck!

To read my story, click here.

Re: Yeshiva Bachur 11 Jul 2017 20:55 #317052

  • colincolin
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CHAIMKLEIN

I do sincerely believe that being in a happy marriage is the best place for a Jewish man.
We are not meant to be alone.

I do also feel marriage is part of the solution to helping manage lust issues and addiction, but others on here have pointed out that it is not the compete answer for everyone, and there are those in marriages who still have these issues.

But as to whether you should speak to girls right now is not my place to advise.
I, in my experience, feel honestly I was damaged by avoiding speaking to women much as a teenager, and it has contributed to my lust issues.

But I was not a Yeshiva Bochur.
I am not fully Torah observant.

So consult your Rav about this, and take the time you need until you feel you should be married, and I hope and pray that at the correct time you find your zivug.
Last Edit: 11 Jul 2017 20:57 by colincolin.
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