Hi All,I'm Naftali. I've struggled with masturbation and pornography since I was 12 years old and I discovered masturbation by accident. I also used to stare at women and have Hirhurim based on that as a young child. I started looking at full-fledged Pritzus on the Internet in high school, and I've had addiction issues with it up until now. I'm now 32, still single, and still haven't finished a Bachelor's degree, and this Nisayon often distracts me because my college major is very difficult, so I use the addiction as a way to escape and avoid coping with school. I think mastubration in general demotivates single people to get married, because then one's notion is "I don't need a wife", I can do this as long as I want or as little as I want, when I want, I know what feels exactly right to me, and I don't have to worry about someone else, and how they might feel, and what they want and when they want it, and how to make sure they get pleasure, etc. So ironically, if I stopped or highly reduced my addiction-related behaviors, I'd be closer to being ready to being married financially, because I'd graduate from college and get a job in my field, and be probably making enough money to support a wife. But I also have issues with chemical imbalance and poor sleep quality, and I find various rationalizations in my head all the time to justify watching inappropriate content and masturbating. If you're thinking of mentioning that I should see a psychiatrist to get medication for chemical imbalance issues, I already see one and take medication and am stable, but thanks. And if you're going to recommend going to a sleep doctor for sleep issues, I do that already, but again, thanks. All I'm trying to say is I feel lousy because I don't sleep well, so on top of my college major being very difficult, my body doesn't "feel right" most of the time because it doesn't feel fully functional, so once again, my addiction / Yetzer Harah (I think they are the same, but I see addiction as a super-intense Yetzer Harah that puts an addict in a "magnetic force field" that makes engaging in addiction nearly impossible to resist when one is faced with a temptation right in front of him / her) easily kicks in and goes to "aggressive mode" and says to me things like "Your college major is a apin in the neck and you're very tired anyway, and being single stinks and you'll never finish your major, anyway so don't even bother. Just masturbate and feel good. That's the answer."

I will mention in the "Breaking Free" forum that right now, my top priorities are to have a better filtering system for my computer, to make a list of the different ways I might relapse and fall and the strategies I can use to prevent relapses, including a daily routine of reading Divrei Chizuk and / or writing on various GYE forums or otherwise using GYE materials to aid in my recovery. Thanks for reading, and Hatzlacha to all of you in your recovery.

welcome,
thx for the intro. I can relate to your problem that college is hard and you use porn as an outlet, since i too am in college. For me, i got a filter and when i need an outlet i pursue other likes of mine: be with friends, read books, news, music, etc. what are your hobbies/things you enjoy? This may be a silly question but, are you aware of the commandment to have children...
I might add it may be easier(for everyone) to keep all your thoughts on one thread, or at least one forum...
Good luck to you

Welcome. I hope you find what your looking for. I agree with 360GYE, stick to a main thread. Hatzlacha!

honesty in your struggle will do you well.
Welcome HIT.    
Interesting post. 

Like to hear more from you.

Welcome!  Thanks for sharing.  It is indeed a difficult struggle.  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  Check out the handbook.  Keep posting and reading.

I wanted to write a reply to all of you, but I guess that doesn't really seem possible, so I'm going to "reply to myself" here, because many of you said it would be best to stick to just one thread or at least one forum -- the only reason I posted stuff in the other forum is that based on what the forum topics are, I thought my questions were more appropriate in the various respective forums, but I'm new here, and maybe it's much more flexible than I realize -- I literally thought that if I post on other topics in the same thread that was about a different topic and / or if I post in one forum about some topic that's officially not covered by that forum that a moderator would email or respond on the forum and say "your post is fine, but it's in the wrong area of the forum". Indeed, that might happen with this post.

But the idea is for all of you to read the reply when you have a chance -- anyway, since a number of you suggested I stick to one thread or one forum, I'll copy and paste the stuff I wrote in the other forum here so you can respond when you are able:

First, I have a question about using Tefillah as an aid for recovery:
It's of course part of the 12-step groups, but I also just feel I need to ask for G-d's help to deal with this whole addiction problem. I also believe in, as I mentioned in my introduction, going on GYE every day, talking to people on here, reading Divrei Chizuk, and setting up a regularly scheduled "program", which includes these things and other kinds of Hishtadlus, like saying the 10 Kapitlach of Tehillim of Rebbe Nachman, aka Tikun Klali, and just making up some general Tefillah to use to ask Hashem for help, or using one that has already been created -- has such a thing been created already, other than HaMapil and Tefillah Zakah? Do people use these at other times besides right before going to bed or right before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, respectively?  Any thoughts anyone has on Tefillah would be helpful, like what people say, what helps, if anything doesn't help, and any other tips you think I would find helpful. Thanks!

My second issue involves getting help with filters:

Right now I use K9 on a Windows 8 computer. I'm inclined to believe that the best set up is to block nearly everything except what I need for school, banking, and maybe some other matters, or maybe to try to not own my own PC and manage at places like the libraries and / or houses of friends and / or on my mother's PC, which is heavily filtered, but I'd like ideas on what works well for people. I get triggered by regular pornography, images of it, videos of it, and even less intense forms, like women dressed up with some clothes on but exposing private areas on their bodies, certain kinds of youtube videos on mature topics, sometimes even sites discussing sex education cause problems for me. Basically, for me, any time I see a woman immodestly dressed as an image, in a video, on a website, or sometimes even if I only see certain language that is vulgar or sexually explicit, even if unaccompanied by a picture, it can trigger relapses and falls. Especially if anyone has experience with K9, I'd like to hear what you suggest about the most effective settings to use. Also, I'd like feedback on the other filter and accountability options. I read about K9 and the others on GYE, but I would like to hear from people who actually used them about what they are designed to do, if they worked well, is there room for improvement, and if your filter and / or accountability software didn't work well, what option/s are you looking into next, etc. Thanks!

Just write in whatever thread you feel comfortable with.
 no need to make new ones....just find one relevant to your topic.