cordnoy wrote on 27 Oct 2016 11:53:

why don't i comment above? 1)well actually the post about triggers was a reply to gibbor120 only when i clicked reply it just put it on the bottom. 2) i dont have a lot of time, between school and work, to have enough time to be able to login and look around and post is time i just dont have. and when i do have time i typically cant because there is now where secretive to hide. im not going on this site in front of my family.
 Does it mean i'm back in the saddle? No

Meier wrote:

" Hey struggling
im gonna call you A LIER 
#1-If you where giving up you wouldn't let us know. it's like those people that climb the Brooklyn bridge and tell the cops "I'm gonna jump" but they know their not going to.what they are actually doing is begging for help.so no I don't believe you.your NOT giving up..."

You know you are right, maybe I should have written contemplating, but im at that point i feel maybe if i stop trying it will all go away

Let us know eventually how that works out.

How much time do you spend acting out? Are you watching porn and masturbating? Where are you doing it? Are you acting out with live people?  Seems like you have the time and place to act out, but you don't have the time to get recovery? 

serenity wrote on 30 Oct 2016 10:29:

The actual Acting out is about 10 min, of porn and masturbation when it happens, the rest is the lead up. I act out myself no one else. i do it in my house, bathroom. BUT im glad to see you know my schedule. tell me how is it you think you know so much about my work, school, and volunteer schedule. Although I highly doubt you really know my schedule, cuz if  you did you would know i only have about a half hour of free time, which maybe a cause, so much stress, after masturbation there are chemical releases, that make you feel good, and relaxed, sometimes when i have trouble sleeping i masturbate cuz it relaxes me enough to fall asleep.

Strugglingtomakeit wrote on 31 Oct 2016 17:35:

Chill. He meant no harm. Just trying to help.

Strugglingtomakeit wrote on 31 Oct 2016 17:35:

I don't know you're schedule, but I am taking 5 classes. I'm a coordinator for the largest region of a big organization, I work every other Shabbos, I mentor kids twice a week, and I work with a client 3 times a week. All of my jobs and college are a significant drive, besides for the coordinator job which is done remotely and I'm constantly being contacted and contacting other people. Yet I still go to 3 meetings a week, I make 3 calls a day at least, and I do stepwork. I'm the busiest person I know and I have time. If you want time, you'll find time.

Hatzlacha.

Everything happens in G-d's time. 

Shlomo24 wrote on 31 Oct 2016 20:20:

As the old saying goes, "if you need something done, get a busy person to do it"

It's all about priorities, if spiritual life is as important as physical life to you then you will make time for it. I don't think you would say ''I don't have time to cure myself'' If chasve shalom you would be diagnosed with a fatal illness. You should try to use other's advice, you might think you don't need it but before you try you don't know if it's for you. Good luck

Guys, please chill and try to remember what it felt like to feel so stuck in the addictive cycle. 

For me it felt like being trapped inside a dark cloud without hope of escape. STMI, if there can be hope for me, there can be hope for you too. The only thing is not to give up.

In your first comment you said it is taking over your life. That seems to imply you are spending a lot of time with it. I guess if your only spending 10 minutes, it's not so bad. I mean the averira aside, ten minutes here and there isn't ruining your life.  How much time is the lead up? What is the lead up? For me the lead up was hours. Actually the lead up was a big part of the acting out for me.

I used to work 90 hours a week and still spend hours and hours acting out. A busy schedule doesn't prevent an addict like me from acting out. 

serenity wrote on 02 Nov 2016 02:14:

true i said that, and true  i said 10 min, but the lead up or build up is what kills me. ill be in bed trying to sleep and all of a sudden, all i can think about, no matter how much i try is fantasy. it can happen because of something ive seen or heard. lead up can be minutes to hours. another factor for acting for me is stress. 

you know, you are easy to talk to all these guys here are attacking, trying to insight guilt, you have time to act out, but not recover, they THINK they are helping but they are not. I don't react that way to their attacking words. someone to talk to is good, relating with one another. 

My intention wasn't to attack. It was to be straightforward. The very last thing I want to do is make someone feel guilty. I like to think I'm pretty honest, but maybe this time I was more brutal with my honest opinion. I have had 2 very good sponsors, both support me but also call me out on my BS.

Hey struggling
im writing from my own experiences here.
I think you are taking everybody's comments out of context and as a smack in the face.
As far as out of context is concerned
 the comments are made by people that have gone and are going through similar struggles.it  looks like they are writing things that either worked for them or they wish somebody would have told them when they were struggling really hard.
So please.read and accept.DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL.
As as to taking everything as a smack in the face
When I was (and please hashem give me the koach and sechel to never again) watching and acting out.EVERY time anyone,be it my wife my siblings even my kids would suggest that I lighten up chill out and not take everything as a personal attack I would get very defensive.
That attitude is a direct result of acting out.because if when we're alone and we get stressed we deal with it by acting out.
The only option we have when we're amongst people and we get stressed is to shoot back scream etc.and not use our brains to respond calmly or in most cases accept deserved criticism with a smile and sometimes laugh along to what was intended as a joke!!!
 This garbage owns and operates you and your moods,words,actions,evrything.and until you realize that you will take alot of good advice that is written by people who take the time to try to help and view it as a personal attack.I know your going through a rough time now but please before reading the forum close your eyes put on your favorite music and RELAX.
maybe the things that you read will sound better 

Meier wrote on 02 Nov 2016 03:42:

I agree with most of this. Before I got sober I didn't know how to deal with criticism or critique. It was always personal. (The next thing I'm about to say is not meant as a dig at anyone). Reason being, is because I was very selfish, everything was about me. So if I got a critique it meant it was personal, even positive comments I took to the next level and inflated my ego.